I’m at the 100 day mark again. I believe this is the third of fourth time that I’ve reached that mark since learning about pornfree in the beginning of 2013.
Life has been much better since that day in 2013 when I burst in to tears reading about the dangers of porn and what HOCD was. Having major insecurities and issues about who I was (not just sexually, but as a person) and what defined me, I didn’t have a good start in life. When HOCD hit me, which for me was defined by major doubt and excessive questioning about my sexuality (which I couldn’t stop, it would just hit me full force almost all day), I was scared as hell.
Anyway, since that day, I started working on becoming pornfree. First through quitting both porn and masturbation. That was difficult. Most of my streaks were between 0 and 7 days. There were a few streaks in which I went beyond that, ranging between 14 days and a couple of months I suppose. But I always went back. Luckily, in the period between the beginning of 2013 and October 2015, I made huge progress in my life. I became way healthier in my lifestyle. Fitness. Diet. I masturbated less. I became way more confident. Social. Lost my HOCD. Started to dress and groom better. Find myself in many areas in life. (This was not just quitting porn and masturbation, but I believe the combination of quitting porn and self-improvement are the main reasons why I achieved what I did).
Since October 2015, I allowed myself to masturbate when I wanted to, just not with porn, visual stimuli or porn-like fantasies. I actively decoupled masturbation (which I see more as solo sex now) and pornography. And that went great. I was pornfree for around 7 months. Unfortunately, I went back over the summer, based on not having a lot to do and picking up weed again. It was stupid. But one thing I noticed is that I didn’t slip back in to a lot of old issues again. The baseline of my confidence and health was much higher than before.
I think it was the 31st of August that I quit again. Porn and weed. And now I’m at 100 days again. (And I quit cigarettes for 72 days too!)
And I feel much better again. Unfortunately, I went through a minor depressive period after quitting the three toxic things in my life again and definitely had some withdrawal issues. But although there were some serious lows, I have been improving progressively.
Now I’m at 100 days and I feel very confident that I’m pornfree for life. I can handle myself very well, although I’m still cautious. If I see nudity in a movie or tv show, I’m not bothered. If I see nudity in a photograph, I’m still not bothered to watch porn again. I may get aroused, but I don’t fire up porn. That’s great. I don’t look it up on purpose (going on the “dopamine hunt”), but if I see some sexy pictures (non-porn) in a magazine or whatever, I’m not bothered by it at all. I enjoy it without going ape shit so to say.
So yeah, I feel as if I’m at the point where I’m pornfree for life. It took me 2.5 years to go from zero to hero. I know that sounds kind of arrogant, but I started at a very low point and have made huge progress.
I’m now a confident 23 year old man, way more social, creative, active, assertive and, most important, happy man than I used to be. I really became myself in the past years. I have new interests in hobbies. I’ve almost finished my master’s degree. I have a very solid future ahead of me. All because of the years of work I put in.
This is my last “boasting” post for now. I will continue to visit the subreddit and I may give some updates in the future (6 months, 1 year, etc.), but I hope that this serves as inspiration for the people who are at a low point in their life and really want and need to step up your game.
You can do it!