Age 23 – HOCD: Reflecting on the past few years of NoFap and PornFree

On the day of my 23rd birthday, I wanted to take the time to reflect on the past few years of NoFap and PornFree. The great news, for me at least, is that I’m feeling better than ever.

I got my life back in order and I’m on my way to start adulthood in the way I’ve always hoped. Fun fact; I’ve watched quite a lot of porn in the last few weeks.

Around 2.5 to 3 years ago, I found out about I had HOCD issues, rock bottom self-confidence and no idea where I was going besides still rigorously focusing on my education. After a year of short streaks, I got the hang of it and I was working on myself a lot. I’ve read tons of books, went to the gym, educated myself about health, fashion, social skills and found new hobbies.

I’ve had a maximum streak of around 8 months pornfree and many more besides that one. But I went back every single time. Boredom. Frustration. Horniness. Loneliness. Or just a slip when I got too high, lol.

The strange thing that I notice is that porn doesn’t affect me that much anymore. I function WAY better in daily live and I still got my life in check.

Quitting porn is not the solution to all your problems.

But still I’m coming back here on this day, because I want to be pornfree this complete birth year.

Because if there is ONE thing I notice so much, is how I deal with women when I’m pornfree compared to when I watch porn. When I watch a lot of porn, there is almost no sexual interest from my side. I’m fulfilled and most of the time, empty sexually. I don’t flirt. I don’t notice flirting. I’m not interested in taking action, in meeting women and dating. I think about it, but the motivation lacks.

HOCD gone. I’m not afraid anymore of the possibility of being gay. Learning to accept that possibility and becoming more and more relaxed towards the subject has more or less destroyed the compulsion.

I did not expect this situation to happen. That most other stuff would be going good while on porn, and that it was just the women and sexuality part that was hurt through porn. Mainly based on all the superpower stories and the extreme success stories of certain people.

I fully understand why people have such successes and feel as if they got superpowers, but for me, I believe, it is mainly because a lot of us (at least, me) start off pretty low in life when they find this and that pornfree is a great start for self-improvement.

But that self-improvement is mostly separate from pornfree. Pornfree aids a lot in making the brain clearer and the chemical balance healthier, but besides that, if you want any progress in life, you got to do it yourself.

So, this sort of rambling recollection of the past few years for me is sort of giving myself a welcome back to this subreddit. The last few years have been incredibly valuable for me and I’m happy to say that I will be back on the subreddit for the following months.

I very much wonder what the effects will be now that I’m doing well in many areas in my life. Will they still be significant or will it just restore the chemical balance in my brain?

LINK – Back and forth between porn and pornfree, results of 2,5 years

by Vinniewalker