Well, for the first time in my life I have made it 90 days. First off I want to say that I don’t believe that 90 days holds any significant meaning as far as recovery goes.
A person who has only went a few days of weeks but has a complete change of heart regarding porn and masturbation may be much closer to recovery than someone who has just abstained for several months but is still addicted to the idea of sexual fantasy. But 90 days seems to be a large milestone in this community and I can’t believe that I’ve made it this far. I was always one of those guys who went a few days, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month or two, but I always threw it away and then binged repeatedly. I never thought that I would be making this post now. 90 days would have sounded impossible to me a year ago. I’ve been a part of the NoFap community for over a year now and I’ve been trying to quit PMO since my teenage years (I’m 23 now.)
This run of 90 days has been great. The first month was the hardest, and then I felt like I just started to build momentum. Just before 2015 started I had been on a similar streak of about 2 months and then relapsed again and again a little before the New Year. I had enough of this. It might sound a bit conceitful but I attribute a lot of my success to 90 days to pure willpower. I didn’t want to feel the way that I did after relapsing to porn anymore. I was tired of not believing in myself, of beating myself up every time I relapsed. I knew that PMO was harming my self-esteem and creating a great deal of doubt and anxiety in my life and that if I wanted to achieve any of my goals and stay on my purpose, I would have to put an end to it.
I’ve experienced many benefits and drawbacks while doing NoFap and NoPorn. I feel like the benefits outweigh the drawbacks though. I’ll start with the benefits.
- Aggressiveness – Ok, this one is the most noticeable of the benefits I’ve experienced. And it can also be a drawback if not used properly. I grew up being a very tender individual, with very little aggressiveness. I’m sure a lot of this stemmed from always being able to release my sexual energy if I started to feel frustrated. If I saw an attractive girl who I wanted to get to know, instead of talking to her I just had to find the nearest bathroom. I could head home and load up a porn video. Now if I don’t talk to an attractive girl or make a bad decision regarding a girl, I can’t run away to my laptop or the bathroom to relieve myself. I know it sounds gross but that was my life not too long ago. If I saw a girl at work or in the library, I wouldn’t even think about approaching her. I would just run straight to porn. It was pathetic. I still don’t approach as much as I need to as a single guy, but at least I’m feeling the pain of not trying instead of running away. But back to the aggressiveness, not wasting your sexual energy when you feel uncomfortable will make you feel more vital and full of energy. I have not learned how to control it completely yet and that is why I become aggressive. It also ties into being more confident in myself and feeling more masculine.
- Healthy lifestyle – I’m not perfect on this one, but when I have been making healthier decisions the last few months. NoFap definitely helps when learning to love yourself for who you are, and you will want to treat your body better. I have always been a fitness and health oriented individual, but having this one part of my life in control has revitalized my desire to be healthy and in shape. I make sure to not eat too many processed and unnatural foods, and I try my best to stay on my lifting routine. I have seen many advances in my strength gains, and I’m not about to tell you that holding in your semen makes you stronger so don’t worry. Just having control over my dick helped to keep me motivated and added to the extra energy I needed for my intense workouts. I have relapsed in the past and then did a workout right after, and it was terrible. I would feel drained and lethargic, with not motivation.
- Anxiety – I have struggled with anxiety for a long time and these 90 days have quietened it down to a point. I still have a lot of anxiety but I’m learning to accept it instead of always trying to hide it. I hope to continue to see improvements as I go past 90 days.
- Sociability – I honestly no longer consider myself a complete introvert like I used to. It’s crazy. I am definitely not a full out extrovert who can talk to anyone and have exciting conversations on the whim, but I actually want to be social. I feel a desire inside of me to go out into the world instead of sitting in my apartment all day. I want to go out and improve my social circle and meet women. At the same time I still cherish my alone time so I guess that makes me more of an ambivert.
- Sexuality/Physicality – Wow, this has to be one of the biggest benefits. I am so comfortable being a sexual person now. I no longer feel ashamed of myself for wanting to have sex with a girl wanting to meet girls. I still come off too strong or uncalibrated because it’s still new to me, but I feel like I’m on the right track to creating a masculine presence.
Ok, so I could go on and on about benefits, but they eventually start to blend in together. Now for the drawbacks.
- Sexual Tension – This has been the hardest thing for me. I have been doing what you guys call hardmode, so the only release I’m getting is the occasional wet dream (which isn’t really a release because it usually gives me urges afterwards). I still have not learned how to be completely okay with not having sex. I don’t know if it’s biological or what, but I have to realize that I am enough for myself and do not need any woman to feel complete. Sex is great but we can become addicted to that feeling of having a girl. Which leads me to my next point.
- Other addictive behaviors – So many of us get caught up in porn and masturbation that we focus so much on the act itself instead of why we do it. Seriously, ask yourself, why am I feeling this urge? Am I making it more a big deal than it really is? Am I viewing porn when I feel a negative emotion to escape from reality? I know for me this was the case. Yes, you might feel that you’re horny and you just watch porn to get one off, but really take a look at your life. Are you running away from responsibility in your life and using porn and masturbation to cope? I didn’t realize this until just recently. I ran into a girl I knew out one night who I’ve had a complex history with over the last 3 years. We had a great time but afterwards I just started blowing it up in my mind. It was the closest thing to a release so I guess it was to be expected. I couldn’t get this girl off my mind and felt like she was my purpose and just got so obsessed with her. I was just transferring my addictions to her, because I feel this emptiness (which I still feel) and want to run away from it. I feel like if she was with me than all would be okay in the world. It’s an illusion, and it’s wrong to project what you want onto a girl because than you are no longer thinking about the real her but an idea of her. Our addictive behaviors (such as PMO) are not the problem, they are the symptom of us not taking control and responsibility for what we feel in our lives. We are just being the victim.
- Depression – I won’t lie, this 90 day streak hasn’t been a walk in the park with birds singing all that shit. This has been one of the roughest periods of my life emotionally because of all these feelings that I’ve been numbing in the past. I have felt more alone in these last 90 days than ever before. I know that at the end of the day I am the only one who is going to change my life, that no one is going to put me on, that I have to find my own purpose, and coming to those realizations can be frightening. I’ve made it sound like NoFap made me feel like climbing mountains everyday for this streak, but there have been times where I have just sat by myself and held my head in depressive thoughts and feelings. I’ve felt like crying (never been much of a crier, probably because I’ve been so conditioned to withhold my feelings), I’ve asked myself what the hell am I doing with my life, I have no purpose, etc…Facing your addictions is a painful process. But I know that I am going to become one hell of a strong man when I’ve conquered all of this shit.
Okay, so I’m tired of typing and I’ve spent too much time on here. I just want to say that doing NoFap is one of the best decisions I have made. Cut out the porn too, it’s just an illusion and it will keep you from pursuing your goals. I hope someone was able to take something from this post and motivate them to do this. I would love to hear from other NoFap members about their thoughts and experience with NoFap as well. Don’t give up guys, it took me forever to make it this far, you can always change!
LINK – 90 Days.