This journey has been a roller coaster. There have been ups, and downs. I will start by saying that the first two week of no fap are quite frankly the hardest obstacle to hurdle. I did my first 30 days on hard mode, and met a girl shortly after.
We have been intimate, but have not had sex. The whole situation is odd. I don’t feel I can commit because of my emotional instability. Be careful of the chaser effect, it’s real and can be potentially dangerous.
My emotions have started to be revived, and I have been the most charismatic I have been in my whole life. I do feel that my emotions are at a stand still, but I think that will change over time. I can’t expect a habit that I have been doing for 40% of my life (10years), to be cleared up in 90 days.
On a different note; I got the balls to ask my boss for a raise yesterday. He said he will discuss it with the higher ups and put my request into consideration.
You will get moody, and hopefully you will have a good friend to call you out on your irrational bull shit. If I could give advice to others it would be that you need to find activities to occupy yourself away from where Fap zone was. Go to gym, explore nature, read, volunteer…etc. Set goals for yourself and achieve the fuck out of them. Another piece of advice is that nofap is your journey, and you should take peoples opinions on this sub with a grain of salt. Do what works for you!
If you don’t like their opinions well fuck them. Don’t dwell on their negativity because it will just make you upset. Keep in mind that sometimes you hear what you want to hear. Lastly, this might be that last time I look at this sub for awhile. Frankly I’m sick of reading people’s “Angelic Monk Mode” bull shit. You are going to have sexual thoughts, wet dreams, and fantasize every once and awhile, but they are no reason for you to reset your badge. These aspects come with the territory of nofap. You are human!?!
Secondly I’m sick of reading relapse stories. People who truly want to recover will have hard times and will relapse occasionally, but will fight and will move on to longer and longer streaks. However, it seems that other people don’t want to get clean, but just want to feel that they are a part of a group. They want attention, and sympathy from other people because they relapsed. There is nothing wrong with wanting to belong, but they overlook the whole aspect of nofap. It’s all about working on yourself. No one this sub is going to bang on your door every time you might relapse. You have to to gain the self control to not use PMO.
I will leave you all with this statement because it has been my own motto for nofap. (The only difference between day 1 and day 90 is that by day 90 you know how to deal with your urges.)
LINK – 90 Day Report
EARLIER POST – Obligatory 30 day report…a bit early…a bit long
Day 26, Male, Age: 23, Hardmode I apologize if this is long. It is for my own documentation so I can look back and reflect.
Like most of you I started fapping early into adolescence. I started with images, at this point; high-speed Internet was not readily available to the public. I masturbated daily, but only fapped to porn when I was home alone. Looking back, I think my mom already knew. I know my father struggled with pornography use, and told me it was not a good habit to maintain. But Hell, wtf did he know, right? I do know that before fapping, I had wet dreams almost every night. So as long as I fapped, I didn’t have to explain to my mom why I had to do laundry every other day. I don’t really remember when I started fapping to videos, or when I switched to tube sites. Fast-forward to college and fapping to porn was habitual. My roommate would leave, and bam…fap, fap, fap. Fapping was my stress reliever. I started to notice a change in my frequency and tastes in my senior year. I was now fapping 2-3 a day, and was into cam websites. I got my first real job, and the frequency remained the same. I would take my hour lunch, and drive home just to fap. How sad…
My first streak was 21 days back in July. I started a streak on my own because I was diagnosed with epididymitis, for the second time. Epididymitis is “inflammation of the tube at the back of the testicle that stores and carries sperm” and is extremely painful. I think I got epididymitis because I was binging way more frequently. Let me just say that there is nothing more embarrassing then going to the Doctor because of ball pain, and then getting tested for STI’s. Your Doctor asking “when was the last time you were sexually active”, and you reply, “never, I’m a virgin.” How pathetic…
While on my first streak, I told a coworker, and he told me about NoFap. I didn’t believe him, and didn’t even give it a fuck. I wish I had. Of course I relapsed once my epididymitis cleared up. How naïve…
I’m sure I was always had a form of social anxiety, but once in college, I lost almost all emotion. I was apathetic towards everything and everyone. I had no inclination to be in a relationship with a girl, and only saw women as sex objects. I rarely had the energy for social interaction, and only left my house for school, dancing, and work. My mom noticed how distant I had become, and told me I didn’t use to be like this. I told her that due to my high intelligence I developed sociopathic tendencies during adolescence. She was really upset. I knew I had to change. If not for me, then for her. And so I did…
One day I just stopped fapping. The cravings are terrible, and frequent. At night all I think about is porn. Sometimes I even dream about watching porn. It sucks. On the bright side, after starting no fap I started working out, and I run 12 miles a week. I started rockclimbing weekly. I started teaching dance class biweekly. I started tutoring at a local college. I’ve been reading a lot. My social anxiety is gone. I can talk to anyone anywhere. A friend of mine suggested that I try and be a “Big Brother.” I actually want to give it a shot. My emotions are starting to comeback. I had a small fling with a girl. Nothing sexual, but I asked her out on a date. I actually told her about NoFap, and said that I need time to work on myself. I’m not ready for a relationship yet. I had the saddest moment of my life. A friend basically told me that I couldn’t date a Christian, or be a good father because I’m not religious. After crying, I didn’t let it phase me. I put it behind me. Now, I’m charismatic and looking forward to what each day brings. NoFap has changed my life. Seeing other people in my situation has made this journey easier. I never want to use PMO ever again. I know rebooting is going to take time. Probably longer than 90 days, but I make progress each day. See you all in another 30 days. How STRONG…
[Comments to others]
Mood swings, being lethargic, and low energy are all normal aspects of rebooting. There are up, and downs, but it’s important to stay motivated when we are down. Don’t give up! For me, a flatline is where I have no urges, no sexual drive, or libido. Sometimes it’s nice because you aren’t preoccupied thinking about sexual things.