I’m 23 and I’ve been a passionate fapper for…9 years? At the moment I’m 60 days clean of Porn and Masturbation. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it was harder. I never thought porn and masturbation made me suffer. No, I thought every man needs it to function, when not having real sex. Oh yeah, stupid society. And I was part of it.
I will not go into detail, cause i don’t want to trigger anyone, but my porn use reached its maximum when I moved to my first own flat. At some point, where i started to smoke weed again pretty much, I noticed that there’s something wrong. In my daily smokey dreams i was fantasizing about a relationship with a girl. How it could be.. Warm, really feeling each other. Porn just disgusted me. And the Orgasms I got from it weren’t satisfying anymore.
At this point i was trying to start to get rid of it and started little challenges on my own with 5-7 days porn and masturbation free. At this point I haven’t known about NoFap really. I just read on some site, that some cultures recommend waiting at least 3-7 days before you orgasm again.
It wasn’t that hard to for me to stay away from porn. But it was hard to stay away from fapping in general. I didn’t manage to stay away longer than 3-5 days.
During this time I watched porn very rarely. Maybe 2-3 times a month. Then I got finally rid of it. I deleted all my porn on my hard drives. It was so releasing. I immediately felt like i lost some pounds which were resting on my head.
Then i stumbled upon some vids, where they said that if you’re struggling with social anxiety, you should just try out NoFap. It will solve all your struggles. I was so euphoric about this. I believed it.
I need to believe it. So I started out.
The first week was horrible. My head felt totally shitty and in this first week I was pretty much just lying around cause I had absolutely no motivation and focus to do anything. Around day 7 I felt my headaches were pretty much gone, and shit I felt amazing. I was bouncing in the street with a good posture and was just happy with myself. The first 10 days I also watched some bikini pics pretty much, when I was bored and stuff, until I read that this is very counterproductive for rebooting. So I reset my counter and started again. I wanted to be honest with me.
So with the first 10 days included I reached 24 days masturbation free. I felt really good. I felt my social anxiety had reduced, I was more confident and I made eye contact with people. There I noticed how less eye contact I was making before. No matter where. I must have looked pretty creepy sometimes. At day 23 of this streak I fapped a little bit (not to porn) and nearly orgasmed, but I stopped before. I noticed at immediately in the next day. I didn’t feel so confident and I was a bit foggy.
Day 24 I had an interview in another city. Even if I wasn’t feeling as good as the days before i was able to keep amazing eye contact. (Maybe a bit tooo much haha, I was almost staring).
But at one point I lost my balance and started to talk bit shit, which I was mad about later all way home. And of course my mind wanted to go back. I already indentified with the thought „Ok tonight, we’ll fap to this bikini pic, which hit me randomly a few days earlier and I couldn’t get out of my head for 4 or 5 days“. At home I was fighting for hours. Riding clouds of negative thoughts for hours, until I finally believed I needed it and fapped. The first minutes after I felt kind of released, but then I just felt like shit. I’ve written this feeling on a paper in the moment: “This empty dumb feeling when it’s over… & there’s nothing left.“ I thought i was weak, but afterwards I knew how strong i was already“
Next day my anxiety was back. Not as strong as before, but definitely back. My voice wasn’t as solid as before when talking. But i learned a lot from this relapse. I learned what causes me the most to relapse. When I’m not feeling like a man, when I’m feeling lost, lonely. It’s not because I’m so horny about a pic or whatever. Most of the time i choose to get horny, to get rid of another feeling.
I was never able to accept negative feelings. They always grabbed me. I was afraid to show that I’m not perfect. So I got into my own fantasy world with Porn and Weed.
During the next ride a lot of things showed up. I bought a little book where I wrote all thoughts in, I thought they were important for beating this addiction.
I discovered that i was always looking for props and attention from other man, because my father never liked me the way I am. He often reduced my self-worth. It was narcissistic abuse. Blamed me for not having a girlfriend, told me I’m gay, compared me with other kids, always complaining about things I did not achieve. And things I liked and were good in, he didn’t pay any attention to.
I was afraid of showing any feeling. Was always trying to please other people. Afraid of their rejection. Always looking for signs of rejection.
I worked this up with a therapist and it was so releasing. Now I can accept that I will never get his validation and I don’t need it.
There’s no worth in taking the role of a victim. It just blocks you from unfolding yourself. So don’t push away your feelings. Accept them, watch them and let them transform. Forget your past. There’s no energy in it.
I discovered why i was never good with girls. I was always needy and depending on others people opinion about me. I can recommend to read Mark Manson’s Models Attract Women with Honesty. It’s not one of this bullshit pick up books. It’s about being yourself.
The hardest days during this 60 days, were for me from about day 30-35. And again Day 58, because of one girl in a TV show, which triggerd me hard.
The best ways for me to overcome urges are meditation, cold showers, push-ups, any sports, listening to some piece of music which gives you fire and maybe reading a good book.
Also seeing random hornyness as a sign, to seek a real partner and not to masturbate. And well finding a partner, is way easier if you got the fire.
Here some of the main benefits I have now:
-No Brain Fog
-Confidence (Shyness and Social Anxiety fade more and more)
-Good ability to make intuitive desicions
-Motivation (most of the time)
-First Person feeling, no more paralyzed voyeur
-easier to make some new habits (reading, fitness, good eating)
-darker facial hair
-able to control/watch feelings
-deeper voice, no crack ups
-attention from girls
-feeling connection with other people again
-Drive to leave comfort zone and socialize
-nearly no more blushing
-you just put out a better vibe (haha)
-no anticipation anxiety (fuck yeah)
-learn about other addictions (I haven’t smoked any weed since about 3 months, Don’t get me wrong, I’m still weed friendly, but for me It’s just not good at the moment and maybe never will be again)
I think there are no securities for staying away from PMO. I’ve tried to write them all down in my little book, and it really helped me in the beginning, but in the end you just have to be awake enough to realize it doesn’t give you anything. Let the energy flow upwards instead of downwards and benefit from it.
At about day 30 I made some notes about something i called the „bubble effect“. The „bubble effect“ hits me for example on days were I tend to lay around or surf without a real aim“ on the internet, bored, not showered, not eaten good. It hits when I’m kind of foreclosed of other people, outside, what they call real-life“. In these moments I think there’s not really any energy or it’s not really flowing. And when you’re in this bubble you think that you don’t need any energy, so you’re about to Press the PMO-Button. And afterwards you’re shocked because the bubble is gone and everything strikes back in.
So yeah, I’m definitely not „healed“ at this point of nearly 10 years of porn and masturbation, but this is a great point to start. My next goal is 90 days. (I read somewhere it takes 30 days to create a habit and 90 to develop a lifestyle) When I reached the 90 days, I want to reach Christmas clean. I like this time of the year and I think it can be awesome this year.
One great line from another thread: „”When you feel like giving up but you keep going, this is when you are separating yourself from your old self.”
So let’s enjoy the moment. Thanks for reading. Wish you good luck!
LINK – Opening the window – 60 days success
UPDATE – Aren’t women amazing? 10 Months of NoFap. – A motivation
Aren’t women amazing? 10 Months of NoFap.
Today is a day where I might say I feel truly rebooted. After 10 Months of Ups and Downs and a few resets. In the last 10 Months I fapped 7 times and I watched 2 times Porn. Sometimes I slipped up watching Psubs for a couple of minutes. My longest streak was about 140 days. Followed by a 58 days streak and a few 30 day streaks. When I reset I regret it every time, I knew it wasn’t worth it and I felt weak. But I was strong enough to get back on the horse every time. I knew I couldn’t go back to this addiction or I would slowly fade away. It took me very long to get this thoughts of giving in out of my head. Now after 10 Months I feel this thoughts are so much more lighter. They lose their power over me day by day. It’s like the sun and all the happiness that came into my life burnt them and now the ‘porn fairy-tale’ is crawling on the floor and begging for mercy. The new healthy thinking patterns now overweight them. Porn is just a poisoned cookie.
When I came back to my hometown a few weeks ago some people didn’t even recognize me at first, because I have changed that much. My whole body language, my face, my skin, the way I speak it’s all so different now. There’s this energy inside me and it’s shining to the outside.
My porn induced social anxiety is totally gone. I’m not thinking anymore about what other people may think while I speak to them. I’m just IN the talk. IN the moment. Meditation also played a big role here.
I finally started to chase girls in real life and it feels amazing. I did my first cold approach a few days ago and I was going insane, but it felt so good afterwards. Maybe this seems like nothing to you, but it’s the world for me. All the years I’ve been so feared of girls laughing at me or rejecting me. She gave me her number – in the end she didn’t wanted to go out with me, but it’s not a problem. The whole thing about this is that I learned to be not feared of rejection anymore. This fear was killing me from inside. Every rejection is better than regret. That’s for sure.
You remember this feeling when you first experienced your sexuality? Girls had these incredible magic. Porn killed this magic. They are humans just like us and they want to connect, feel each others body and share true feelings.
The first month is a hell of a ride, especially when you’re doing it for the first time. But I tell you it is totally worth it! It’s not about the girls that will sense your confidence and glow and will smile to you. It’s about you! You will feel happy and connected with the world again. You will feel secure once again. And exited to live your life as an adventure and get in touch with your true self again!
On this way there are a lot of good ways to reduce urges like the cold showers, the push ups, replacing old habits with new ones, going out and meet people, doing sports. But I think the ultimate way is to have a strong vision. Never lose the trust in yourself, draw a picture in your head of the life you want live. Maybe today is bad day and everything is just shit, but it will be better soon. See this setbacks as a sign or a motivation to go further! See NoFap as a pill that will reduce your anxiety more and more. In reality it’s not a pill, it’s just you healing yourself of all the shit porn has done to you!
You will kick this habit! Show the porn industry you can use your intelligence and sense their lies. Look into a bright future! You deserve it!