Age 23 – Perfectionism and HOCD gone, perception of ex clearer


I’m feeling my romantic connection to girls is growing and I can actually feel it. I remember when flirting felt SOOO good when I was young and it’s coming back. I am feeling like PMO indulgence skewed my perception of “what I want” which was like the perfect 10 girlfriend who was just PERFECT. like… thinking about that now…it’s just illogical.

if i’m not perfect, why should my girlfriend be?

when i said that to myself…it changed me. i am seeing my ex in a whole new light. and this anxiety i use to have when being with her is gone now. like what?

we have been hanging out lately (just friends) and i’m feeling this attraction her again but a pure attraction. we have tried getting back together a few times but every time I would have this huge regret feeling in me and I would get so anxious. i have thought about it now and i haven’t had that feeling once.

I should add that i broke up with her because of her looks and her moodiness sometimes. I also had a lot of pride issues and wouldn’t let her help me. but now it’s different. granted, I am horny, and it is not as much as it has been these past two days, but when I’m with her I don’t think about having sex with her, just holding her hand and smiling with her. being with her.

also guys first time I’ve posted about this, NoFap has helped my mental health. there is no doubt that it has played a part in my growth and healing.

i remember starting in 11th grade is when I really started to struggle with intrusive thoughts and anxiety and it is also around the time when I had intrusive thoughts about men. that had never happened before and it really threw me for a spin. I am a junior in college now, and through staying in the moment and not giving into complulsions, I have healed and grown and am in the best place I have been in in years. about the gay ocd, i will get some intrusive thoughts about men but they will not bother me anymore. nofap has helped TREMENDOUSLY in this aspect so if anyone of you is struggling with that, nofap definitely helps .

i am 23. i quit watching P because of my religion, then stopped M because of religion too. though looking at it now, i definitely had some PIED when i was getting intimate. no drive as well. Yes, [the PIED has healed. It’s] day 57 and i’m getting erections from flirting. it’s good to note here that i had a mild case of PIED

LINK – Day 55: NoFap, romantic connections, relationships, and Gay OCD
By barronflux