I shall share with you my story, and what has changed in my life. Some things are still deep within in me, but I will try to share everything, so that some of you guys can perhaps learn from it. First things first, I was doing great for almost 1.5 years not watching porn.
Unfortunately, I relapsed some months ago. I started watching again for a little while. BUT then I stopped watching again. Since then I’m recovering again, so ignore the badge.
Let’s start with the positive things first. Back in October 2014 I decided to quit for good. NO pmo. Before this period I tried several times, but never succeeded. Little background information. Till 2014 I was an introvert person, shy, socially awkward, I was a virgin back then. 0 experience with girls, not much experience in life at all. People found me as a nice guy, but no one every looked up to me. All the girls friendzoned me etc. And you can fill up the rest.
When I decided to quit in October 2014. The results showed immediately at new year 2015. I went to a party and a talked to almost every girl back then! Yes, under the influence of alcohol. Although back then this was amazing for me. Because with or without alcohol, I could never approach a person/girl. Before interacting in my mind 1000 thoughts occurred.
Moving forward to summer 2015. Since December to June. I was even excelling in everything more and more. I became a ladies man! I started talking to so many girls, I had dates almost every two weeks. I lost my virginity back in February. I got an internship in Sales. Which was beyond my comfort zone. But this helped me a lot. I became open, happy person and could talk to people so easily!
Sounds great right? Well back then I felt amazing, mostly because I was a 23 year old guy who never have had ‘sexual’ experiences with girls. Looking back now. It was not great at all. Why? Because I had the wrong priorities in life. From 0 contact with girls, my entire focus went on talking to girls, dating etc.
This is wrong, for the following reason which I learned within time. Guys remember one things, the most important aspect in your life to develop is 1. YOUR HEALTH and 2. YOURSELF (personal development). Speaking out of experience! Back in 2015 January I was sick all the time. But I choose girls, partying before my health. My health got even worse that I got a breakdown. However, since October I focused on my health and increasing my development on all aspects.
Forward the time to now. What have I achieved in almost 2 years?
- Social person, I can talk to anyone now.
- Girls come and go in my life; I don’t have any problems with that anymore.
- My health improved. I do not eat fast-food, I am very conscious on what I eat.
- Since march 2016 I sport. I go to the gym 3 times a week.
- More developed person. I read books, meditate. I am constantly working on myself.
- My relationships with friends and family have improved.
- I am in a state of mind that I do not care what others have to say. (I don’t give a fuck attitude). I focus on my goals no matter what.
- I have a positive attitude on life, and with everything that I do.
- My libido increased tremendously.
- I do things out of my comfort zone.
- People actually look up to me now.
The list goes on (feel free to ask)! However here comes the downside. Have I eliminated the addiction out of my life?
No, some months ago I started watching porn again. I thought I had control, that it wouldn’t have any effect on me. I was wrong. I started watching again for a month or so. However, I quit again.
Another downside, due to all the attention I was getting from girls it was good until I got in a relationship. A relationship where I didn’t get any sexual attention. I started sexting with random girls (which I will explain in another forum if you guys are interested). This process became so deep, that it turned in an addiction itself. It is all linked with the porn addiction. You are not watching anything, but you are still looking for that dopamine kick. This went on and off.
As of now: I am developing myself daily, my life is nowhere what it looked like back in 2014. But I do know that I have not conquered my addiction. Nowhere close actually, but I am in a rehab, and I will NEVER give up. Even after relapsing. Stand up, and fight again.
One day, the addiction will be in the past. I know it. And for you guys as well.
Sorry for the long post! I hope that this post can help you guys somehow. Feel free to ask any questions.
LINK – My Nofap journey of the past two years.