I was somehow good at doing this nofap thing (I was so convinced about the effects of PMO that I rarely ran out of motivation) as I was able to go for 40 days on my first try, then 40 again, and then I relapsed for a while but soon I said ‘Enough’ and I meant it. So now I have been exactly 250 days of no porn with one MO at day 236.
During this whole process I went from a “believer” to a “moderate skeptic” several times. Now it is time to look back and assess if any progress has been made. I will try to keep to the facts.
Fact number 0: I have no longer doubts in my mind that I love some people. I love my family and my friends. Most importantly I love myself more. (I experienced first hand that it’s impossible to love others if you hate yourself). Simple but crucial fact.
- I’m no longer obsessed by my physical appearance but I take better care of it at the same time. I don’t look so much in the mirror but I’m not afraid to have a good haircut, and to dress in a way that I like.
- I can read outloud without hating my own voice, I can see my reflection in the mirror and I like what I see.
- I am way better at sports! This is hardly a ‘fact’ but you will have to believe me.
- I rarely argue with my mother anymore, and if I do I don’t lose much control over myself. When I discuss something now it’s more like a game. I defend my points but I am not attached to them.
- My hands are not sweaty anymore, or just sweating normally.
- Women: OK this issue is what got me sold to the movement in the first place(virgin at 23, remember?). First minifact: I have now several female friends, 2 or 3 close friendships I would say. Second: Last weekend one of these friends asked me to sleep with her and, after pussying out for a while (at that moment I realized how much I am still afraid of sexuality), I said fuck it and I got inside the bed. We didn’t do anything, just cuddle and hug in our undies. She knows I’m a virgin and I was very honest through out the whole thing and told her all my insecurities. She gave me so much signs to escalte things but am I a dummy… I was thinking “she cannot possibly be meaning this, we are friends…” Anyway… (facepalm) we have been joking and talking dirtishly since, and it might progress further.
Third minifact: I was rock hard all night. I don’t know if I ever had PIED but I sure as hell don’t have it now.
4th minifact: all my previous fetishes seem to be things of a very distant past. I cannot see mature women as sexy anymore. I have no sexual attraction for my aunt at all (yes yes I know). I am attracted to a standard range of women. Not saying there’s anything intrinsically wrong in liking mature women. Just stating facts, you be the judge.
Fact 8. I greet my friends with confident shakes and sometimes hugs. I hug my pals at jiu jitsu too (after strangulating them to unconsciousness). I somehow find it harder to break this barrier with my mom and sister. But I’m feeling closer and more confident arround them.
Fact 9. I still live with my mom and I’m currently unemployed… In fact I’ve only really had a job for 1 month in my life. (Let’s not hide the bad stuff).
At the end of November I intend to move to a house we have in the mountains (catalan pyrenees). Hopefully I can land a basic job there. Im preparing to be a firefighter and there I’ll be able to do volunteering. I studied philosophy if you are curious.
I’m very glad to have done this (written all this stuff down). It has been super helpful. For anyone who has managed to read all this post you are crazy bro! Get a life. Joke :p
Thanks friends. I encourage you a lot to get away from this habit. I don’t know of anyone who was harmed by not partaking in it. I see a bright future ahead now, for all of us!!
I find it helpful to post here once in a while to reflect where I’m at and where do I come from. Then I get to read my old posts and gain some perspective. Also, this way I don’t forget my life experiences. I don’t think I managed to make an easy to read post, it might be too boring in fact! I tried to be truthful and clear.
I’m a 24 year old dude from Spain. I discovered and started with nofap in August 2015. I was a virgin at the time and still am. I typed “25 year old virgin” on google forseeing my dark future and I stumbled upon the nofap websites. I connected the dots and was convinced that this was probably causing a lot of the problems that were bothering me.
So, this is how it was for me during my PMO days (started at age 12):
I was almost perfectly antisocial, I felt ugly, I took so much effort to make the impression that I didn’t care about what others thought about me. So I would dress poorly with sport clothing. I would be embarassed if my hair looked like I had made and effort to make it look nice. I was afraid of people seeing me look in the mirror because that would mean that I cared about “superficial” stuff, but in reality I cared A LOT, and I would pluck every hair that was out of place on my body.
I was so afraid of human touch. I would be afraid of shaking hands and I was very self conscious of my sweaty hands. I would try so hard to give the impression that I didn’t care about girls. I would always interact with women trying to give this impression: “let there be no doubt, I don’t desire you sexually, I’m perfectly content by myself”; which was obviously completely false.
I would argue constantly with my mother. I very often asked myself if I did love anyone in this world, and at the time I thought I didn’t, I didn’t care about anyone else really. If I did someone a favour it was to keep appearances. To keep shit from hitting the fan.
I still remember how awful it was to go to lunch at my grandma’s every week. I was a zombie that could put on a fake smile when needed. It was a chore and I hated myself and disliked everyone else at the table. I was waiting for things to be over with to go back at my computer to play League and fap to fantasies about my aunt, or the most taboo porn I could find.
I went through uni making very superficial acquaintances, althought I did manage to befriend 1 girl that would tell be about her problems with her exes or crushes. I was basically his gay friend, but I was in love with her.
I had some old friends from my childhood and managed to keep them through videogames mostly although in my later years I would have a preference for playing by myself. ( I was trying to get the maximum elo -which is the ranking system in League of Legends, the game I was into- to impress my friends: how pointless! Nobody gave a shit about my videogame performance…) I never went to any party and only met with my friends to play videogames some fridays. I was in a basketball team, -thank god- and I went from being good at it and having fun when I was younger, to being the worst player on my team the later years. Team mates joked about me not having any “blood in my veins”. I never celebrated anything, and I was never sad when my team was losing. I didn’t give a fuck (in a bad way).
Anyways, so I started with nofap and was very pumped up. Actually, I have to be truthful here. 3 years ago I started meditating and then I went vegan and then i started bjj. I started incorporating more good habits and the struggle to keep the videogames down started. Things slowly started to improve. Then 1 year and 2 months ago I discovered about PMO which I now think was the elephant in the room.
LINK – 250 days. Reflecting back!
I’m at day 113 and I have experienced huge benefits today. Since the start of this streak I have felt sort of depressed and quite antisocial. I didn’t feel connected to anyone, and it was a struggle to maintain the most basic conversation.
But today!! Finally I saw some light again just as I was giving up hope! It was not a small change. It was night and day. I just came from two hours of jiu jitsu class and I was enjoying myself so much! Felt very easy going, confident and charismatic. It was a feeling I didn’t have since my first try at nofap last year. I was socializing with everyone. Life can be great wtf!!
I didn’t do anything that could have caused this huge mood swing besides nofap. Probably the depression will come back again tomorrow or in some days. But now I know what’s it like when the withdrawals are over, and this is so motivating. Life has been dull and grey for the last 10 years.
[I had a] flatline and I came out of it, because my mood has changed at the same time that my libido came back. Today rolling with a friend at class I got hard immediately lol. But I did not have dirty thoughts, just a bodily response haha.
Today it was like going back to my childhood. I just love my real personality. No self hate at all… It will be fucking hard to go back to flatline :/
LINK – Finally some sweet fruits after 113 days!