I’m 24 and probably started the combination of pmo at about 13. Since maybe the age of 19 that routine would last an hour and would be done daily.
I came to know of this community through Gary Wilson’s tedx talk while browsing for ted videos on youtube but didn’t really do anything with the information other than thinking it was quite interesting and keeping a note of it in the back of my head. So on to my nofap journey: towards the end of 2014 my application to grad school was accepted, even now I don’t know how I got in. I’m by no means smart and perhaps the person doing the admissions failed to see on the transcript that I was required to hand in showed that I had to take one of the classes three times before passing, or maybe the school was just after money. I realised I would have to get my head straight coming into this thing and that’s why I started nofap, which was around November 2014. When I began I only gave half-harted attempts, holding out for a week or two here and there before binge-relapsing, because really, lets be honest porn is just so good (read on I’m not trolling).
I last fapped on March 5 2015, and last glimpse of porn was about a week later. Some people report really enjoying the first few weeks, but let me tell you it was pure hell. I experienced withdrawal symptoms like sudden and intense cold and aching feelings running from the neck, through the arms to the wrists, and I felt as though I couldn’t think straight, like the feeling of a fading hangover but for almost two weeks. I really only began to notice benefits a month and a half in, but the withdrawal convinced me this addiction was real and I kept reminding myself “the fact that you’re feeling like shit is tangible evidence that your brain is rewiring”.
The stuff we all like to hear: nofap helped me shrug off much of the anxiety I experienced, so bad was it that a lecturer referred me to the school counsellor. But now the only indication I get which makes me realise I’m staring at girls is that I find them staring back; previously I would never look at girls, or anyone, I would just wait to get home then fap it out (would you believe I’ve never had a girlfriend or had sex?). Now, I see a cute/hot girl/woman walking in the opposite direction to me and without even thinking about it maintain eye-contact all the way until she’s right next to me, It startled me the first few times this occurred and I would have to stop where I’m standing for a minute and think about what just happened. I feels pretty good now but I know pre-nofap me would dwell and obsess over something like this for days, not at all healthy.
What other good things have happened? With traffic becoming more of a pain in the arse and the train route I take filled with weirdos at the hours I commute, I decided to get a motorcycle licence and a cheap motorcycle so I could get to the library to study, where if anyone’s being an obnoxious knob it would just take a casual look in their direction for them to stop and sometimes get up and leave (come on, kinda funny right?). Such was the power of nofap! lol. I spent about the first five weeks of the semester waking up from a fap induced hazy slumber so not much study or effort was put in there, I threw everything I had at making sure I didn’t fall back into old habits (you can probably see where I’m going with this).
After a face-to-face assessment task where a practitioner looked me in the eye and said I have to do better (without being mean or anything), I fell ill for a week but that was because the day before some arsehole had sneezed on me (it’s winter here). Not completely getting over the cold but remembering what I was told, I jumped into my first cold shower, that was a month ago and it’s been cold showers every day, 2-3 times a day since. I had come across this in the posts of some nofappers who said it helped their mindset or something along those lines. I would definitely agree. You know when you accidentally look at a really tough guy, I don’t mean a gym fool but guys who seem like they’ve gone through tough experiences, and you immediately falter and look away and pretend like it didn’t happen? Not that I intentionally seek out such people and try to stare at them, but after cold showers combined with nofap I will not falter and even get respect like a slight nod. Also, due to the cold showers I dropped a pants size without any exercise besides walking the dog and a few push-ups in the bathroom before jumping in the shower. I before nofap I would run approximately eight km three to four times a week.
It never gets easier, the fight is by the minute. Even if I’ve had a busy day then met up with family or friends from high school, no matter how many kilometers I’ve run, the urge to watch porn is always present. I’ve made it past 90, and now 120 days is the goal. I’ve tried much of the advice offered on nofap including adopting a vegan diet; the logic is a healthy diet with less animal products lowers the libido or whatever. It had the complete opposite effect for me, I felt doubly horny and would feel the urges about to spill out; I felt even more frustrated and wanted to jerk off all the time. My assumption is because I conditioned my mind to pair sexuality with PMO, that was the only way to express it. Then, I unconsciously began to have what seemed like staring contests with every girl in sight, not checking out their bits and objectifying them but eye-to-eye.
And now I need your support. I’m not sure whether I did enough to scrape through the first semester of uni. If not, do you think the school would kick me out? The work I did was passable but handed in late. This has become really important to me. As someone who always took the path of least resistance I never cared much about anything and was always busy being a stubborn prick. I’ve never applied myself like I had towards the end of the semester. Having all the content to cover really did me good and kept me striving toward something. I wasn’t necessarily happy but for the first time in my life I felt like I had a purpose. Even if I had to re-take all the classes I would not feel discouraged but for seeing the friends I made a step away from me (that’s right, I made friends, something I didn’t do during my bachelors), I would gladly jump right back in.
tl;dr: Through nofap I have seen the person I want to become. I stumbled into the wrong room, only from the corner of my eye did I see the thing I needed but now I’m afraid I might get kicked out before I can catch it. yeah, cold showers are pretty good too.