It’s been quite a while since I visited Pornfree (or NoFap) but it’s time to give it another try. The last time I was here was two years ago and during that time there were good times and bad. I had a girlfriend for more than a year (probably thanks to Pornfree) but now I’m back to square one. Let me tell you guys (and girls) a little bit about myself:
I’m 24 years old and have been watching porn since the age of 12. Sadly porn isn’t my only problem. I’ve been a weed addict for the biggest part of my adult life. Couldn’t do anything without my trusted Mary Jane by my side, or rather in my lungs and brain. Gave up weed for nearly 1,5 years and it was amazing, until my girlfriend broke up with me and all the trouble started again. Since a year or so I’ve also developed quit an alcohol addiction having at least 5 drinks a day, although alcohol is quit a social addiction it’s still a addiction that I’d rather not have.
So back to why I am actually here: When I was about 20 years old, one night I found myself in bed with a girl I had a crush on for years. She was the most beautiful girl you have ever seen, but she was quit young I think 17 at the time. We’d been texting for ages and even though I’m normally quit a confident person, the thought of this girl made me nervous. (In a good way) So this night she came over to my place for the first time. We started making out, but as soon as we came near the bed it hit me. I’d never been so nervous in my life; you could call it stage fright. This beautiful girl was finally in my bed so I HAD to perform! This was the thought that killed it for me and I haven’t been the same since.
Although the girl was good looking she wasn’t quit understanding (maybe the age) I tried to talk to her about it but she wouldn’t have it. She gave me a few more chances but each time we got close to the bed I’d know I wouldn’t be able to get it up.
Well here I am years later and I still have erectile dysfunction. I’m so ashamed and can barely talk to anyone about it, some of my friends know and support me, but most just make fun of it. For me porn was always the cause, my porn watching behavior grew worse as my age progressed. At the age of 18 I was watching stuff that would make normal people vomit. I thought I had my problems fixed when I had a girlfriend but then suddenly during the relationship my ED came back and I started using all kinds of pills just to have sex with my SO. At first I hid it from her but of course she found out and was devastated. She accidentally red one of my mails about some blue pill and went totally crazy.
After I while I could talk to her about it and we took it one step at a time. This is when the good times started. I think as long as you have a understanding SO who you can talk to and that is willing to help you can fix it. But then after some time we broke up and of course I started watching (extreme) porn again.
So this is were I’m at now: I have several girls who I sleep with on and off again. With all these girls I use pills to get it up and I tell none of them about it. I quit smoking weed (AGAIN) two weeks ago and that is going great. I hope 2016 will bring something good for me and that I can finally say I have no more ED. I would love any support from you guys (and girls) and are willing to give advice to anyone who asks. I’ve been to the place where most of you want to go and the fall back to rock bottom was even harder. But I’m still here and I’m not giving up! I want to get rid of these pills and have normal sex life. Just like you guys!
Together we can beat this! Thanks for reading this waaaaaay to long post and I hope to speaking to a lot of you in the future. Any questions are welcome