I am 24, and have been using porn since early teens, pretty much exactly the same as Gabe to be honest. Oh what was I thinking right? Don’t you just love hindsight. I know you got to roll with the punches in life but man, a broken noodle is one low blow from the man upstairs…
..but hey I’m a much stronger, resiliant and better human being for it now…..As they say, god works in mysteries ways not that I’m really religious or anything though.
Just wanted to share my recovery story and let you all know that I have healed from Porn ED over a 15 month period and still seeing improvements. I am not sharing this for a pat on the back but because stories like this really helped me get through the dark days of withdrawal, flatlining and the ever so charming anxiety…right when I needed it most! As you can see, i’ve been through it all just like the good man himself, Gabe.
I often come across a lot of stories of people feeling frustrated and not seeing results through various forums and google etc. and when I was recovering, this sometimes made me second guess the process for a moment and I began to worry that I would never recover, especially in the first few months when feeling like shit with a shrunken willy was just another day at the office. However, i reassured myself that this was not a normal feeling (terrible anxiety, loss of motivation, penis shrinkage, low libido) and that my body was sorting itself out, so I endured it just like all my fellow recoverers who got hooked to PMO at a young age. Besides, I was following Gabe’s advice and he recovered right!
On a side note, I think it is important to acknowledge that a lot of recoverers unfortunately probably don’t post or view YBOP etc as much as they should when they have fully healed. why would they right? they feel great and are too busy living their lives and shagging anything that walks :p (I joke) In all seriousness though, my point is people on here are still recovering which is why sometimes we tend to view a lot of people who are still going through withdrawal and not feeling to great about it all etc. It was the same as when I had acne in my teens, i use to google forums constantly for a remedy and would always come across more people who were depressed from severe acne then people who had found a solution and healed their acne. Why’s that you ask? because people who are healed no longer have the need to view the forums anymore…except for the small handful who give back to the community (gotta love them.) That’s just my opinion though, nothing more.
Anyway, once I read the YBOP FAQ’s and everything else their is to read on YBOP, Reboot nation etc. I made a point to just read Gabe’s posts on here as he was always positive and gave me hope and confidence in my darkest days of withdrawal. If you are reading this Gabe, I can’t thank you enough….Your perspective and outlook on porn addiction, your countless Youtube videos, constant posts have made all the difference and got me to where i am today on this long and winding journey. You are the man indeed! I sir, raise my glass to you I also thank Gary as well for YBOP. Nifty site that one check it out folks if you haven’t….but surely you have if you are here
Anyway, it was just over a year ago that I finally figured out why I had ED…Poor little me hey, about to lost my virginity at age 18 and my noodle doesn’t want to get hard..oh the confusion that caused me at the time. However, I had no problem getting hard to oral sex at age 16-17…so figured it must be the nerves and besides, Mr Johnson still worked when I watched porn so must be no issues right? WRONG!!!!!!
Moving on, I eventually stumbled across YBOP and that’s when my life changed. after realising what I had done to myself, I broke down and thought oh no!….how could i think watching porn 2-3 times a day was normal. Why wasn’t i chasing the real deal, I’m a monster! As Gabe stated….I instantly began to despise porn and had a change of heart right then and there. I was never going to watch porn again.
Done for good! AU REVOIR!!
Despite the horror of realising what I had done to myself, I was also a little relieved because I knew what was wrong with me now and what I had to do. It wasn’t because of low testosterone or nerves like every website suggested ( i did get check by the doctor by the way), it was because of the brain changes in my head induced by porn a.k.a devil woman or satan if you like
However their was one catch, I was 23 and just started to date a girl I really liked and had just figured out my condition. oh the irony of it all. This time though, i was determined to fix my ED and get hard instead of stuffing my penis into her vagina like a floppy sock. No, not much fun, but perhaps a feeling you identify with…..just maybe.
At first, i didn’t have the heart to tell her my problem, as just my luck, she wanted to fuck like a rabbit (oh why now out of all the times in my life) so i decided to try and do my best to keep up with her. Despite a few miss fires, I somehow forced an erection from time to time and this was just enough to keep her satisfied even though i had no libido and half an erect penis. To this day, I still don’t know how managed to get it up because trust me, my penis was broke dude. Not too well as all.
Eventually a few weeks later, I told her of my issue but sugar coated it. She understood and agreed to take it a little slower even though we still had sexual encounters from time to time. This use to stress me out beyond belief as Gabe said no orgasms for young dudes and I agreed with him, so I felt like i was in a catch 22. Didn’t want to lose the girl but didn’t want to carry on living with my Johnson on sick leave due to excessive PMO. As per usual, I went with pleasing the girl, so i carried on forcing erections whenever I could to try and keep the relationship alive.
During this time, the withdrawal symptoms really kicked in and it was most certainly non linear as Gary and Gabe mentioned from time to time. This was hell, I felt like shit, penis shrinkage, flatlining, semen leakage, no motivation, no libido and intense anxiety….basically horrible feelings I never knew existed. Oh please make it stop and I’ll be a good boy
This carried on for months but as time went on, I noticed that I use to get firmer erections and semen leakage began to subside. I also noticed morning wood coming back around 3 month period (it had been years since I got a morning woody) and wet dreams started occurring around the 6 months mark if I recall correctly. It was very clear that changes were taking place even though I would still orgasm with my partner, This gave me hope even though I would have days when an orgasm would send me back into flatline status, for sometimes a few weeks or maybe just days…What can I say, it’s a non linear process but I could see progress and that’s what mattered most to me.
Eventually the anxiety subsided and I began to feel warm and fuzzy inside as if someone was feeding me happy juice or something. I had no idea I could feel this good…This is when I began to notice the full affect of what PMO had done to me….Fark! Oh and penis shrinkage began to subside when the anxiety feeling eventually passed. Another tick!
By the time I hit the 10 month mark, i felt great despite a few lingering side effects i.e Brain fog, lack of concentration, Premature ejaculation and my refractory period wasn’t too flash either.
I’m now 15 months free of PMO and feeling pretty damn good! Refractory period is much better but I’m sure it will continue to improve, brain fog is getting better and so is my concentration. I imagine I will continue to see benefits over the next year or so. Also, my social anxiety has gone. I thought I was just shy around people I didn’t know at the time but i suspect PMO caused this change in my brain as I am now super confident chatting to random people or giving presentations at uni or work etc.
My main problem now is still premature ejaculation, my erections are the hardest they have ever been…like super hard but I can hardly last 2 mins in the sack at times which is quite frustrating. I am hoping it will sort it self out though as I continue to heal. Still my girlfriend is losing a little bit of patience with it and so am I, so any advice would be much appreciated. I am keeping it in perspective though as it beats having porn ED. Maybe I need a little time out or something will do me good?
Anyway that’s all I’ll say for now but if you have any questions regarding my journey, please don’t hesitate to ask I’m here to help wherever I can.
A few last notes:
– In terms of recovery, please just watch Gabe’s Youtube videos, posts and try not to over think it too much. follow Gabe’s advice, read YBOP FAQ’s and you will heal, end of story. Most of all, never be discouraged….As Gabe said, the brain can change due to neuroplasticity and if you follow his advice like I did, you will reverse the brain changes caused by PMO, even if it takes 2 or so years. It’s just my opinion but i felt like a worse case scenario and I have healed and got my sexual function back. Oh and it will suck the withdrawal, so be strong because their is light at the end of tunnel. I’m living proof as well as Gabe and all the other guys.
– Note, I did masturbate 4 times during my reboot and felt it set me back every time except the last time around month 12. Hard to say though. At the very least, do not fantasise while M. I learnt this the hard way. Touch alone people. Trust me
– Rewiring was everything to me. Cuddling, flirting, kissing, socialising with friends and even intercourse made all the difference. As i mentioned, I had oral sex a few times throughout high school but never went any further until my early 20’s, so i lack experience which is why rewiring was so important to me I feel. That’s one thing Gabe had one me which is why I would sometimes second guess myself with the healing i think.
-Also around the 10 month mark, I came accross a few suggestive images of Facebook which to my shock, brought on the anxiety again and the penis shrinkage for a couple of weeks. Rewiring with my girlfriend got me back on track though. What’s your thoughts on this Gabe if you ever read this? why did the anxiety feeling come back for days when i saw those images. Made me realise how careful I have to be. I was never going to relapse but i felt shit for a week or so again and couldn’t get the anxiety feeling to subside. I’m just interested from a learning point of view and to get your take on in it. I’m a little afraid to view FB sometimes, that’s all haha. Thanks buddy.
I wish you all the best on your journey guys. Best of luck