The post you’re about to read is meant to share my story how I have come this far from a serious addiction and the purpose would be to help others who are struggling with leaving any destructive habits behind from their lives. I’m 24 years old now and I started watching porn at the age of 7, unfortunately. This really has caused great havoc within my life throughout the years and I will now share my story since it feels like first time in my life Im actually starting to feel normal.
At the age of 7, I had a friend who introduced me to porn after his older brother had shown him the stuff. At first I was confused by it, but the curious person I’m I went on and watched it once while I was being alone at home. I consider this to be the greatest mistake I have ever made within my life, causing me trouble still in my life till this very day. I still remember the first time very clearly and the disgusting stuff I watched, this all simply tells me how destructive viewing this material was for my still very young brain. Sexuality waken up too early, and in a fucked up way. However, if you let it, your greatest struggles will either make you or break you, depending how you choose to see it. So read on and I hope to inspire you to become the driver in your life, instead of the passenger.
The first break from occasional porn viewing from such a young age came when I moved out to another town at the age of 11, this time not having a computer in my room. What a blessing. God knows where would I be without this break. Also at this time I remember being very happy and social in my life, gathering many friends from the new school I started. I also played many sports while succeeding in each of them. Life was good.
A few years passed and I discovered World of warcraft through my friends at the age of 13. I started playing it, adding more and more hours to it month after month until I was at a point where I had quit all sports and I was spending all time outside from school playing it. This is where the trouble started to build in my life. After playing, and in between I started watching porn again. I built a vast amount of social anxiety this time through not seeing anybody because I was at the computer all the time and watched porn daily. I feel like I had to learn basic social skills later because of this time. The most fucked up thing happened at the time with porn that I have realized only now, I probably had my FIRST LOVE for a certain pornstar. For a year or so, I would watch only pictures and videos of her and think about her everyday most of the day.
This really tells me our caveman brain are not suited at all for this fucked up shit that is porn. Stay natural guys. Not just porn but also the food you eat, etc. Usually the artificial substitute created by man is the one that destroys you and the natural way will feed your soul the right way.
On top of all this, I also started to first drink alcohol during weekends at 16, and smoke weed at age 17. I was living in dark places. I was embraced in a life full of comfort, I didn’t have to put my feet forward for anything. This caused me eventually to close up and I gave up hopes of my life. I barely passed high school and I went to work in a grocery store.
At this point I was 18, and I started to drop down the drinking but smoked even more weed, played more video games and of course, the greatest curse of them all, watched more porn. At this point I had upped my porn usage from once or twice a day to 4-6 times a day, whilst also smoking weed every day. After a while, I started experimenting also with chemical drugs like mdma and the like. I was heading to very wrong direction. Then another blessing appeared in my life.
I had to go to army. Before this, I was always wondering why it was so difficult to talk to others and even perform normal daily activities, I thought that perhaps my genetics simply sucked or some other fucked up shit like that. In the army, it was no longer possible to continue my daily habit of watching porn 4-6 times a day. The opportunity came only on weekends. I started building up confidence and I noticed that without porn (and perhaps daily weed smoking), I was actually pretty funny fella around people telling good jokes. This was a new side of myself for me as well at this time. I noticed for the first time in my life, that the roots of all my problems started from pornography usage. I still didn’t realize how serious this thing was, so I simply thought that from now on, I’ll watch it only on weekends. It was easy, since it was literally impossible in the army to watch it, since we had no computers or access to phones.
After the army I was at the age of 20, went back to the grocery store and continued my weed habit of smoking everyday and I brought back the porn usage to my everyday life. Needless to say, I had never done anything with a girl in my life due to my porn usage.
I decided for the first time to stop watching porn completely, since after watching it I started to really feel the negative effect on me. But oh it wouldn’t be so easy, First time I lasted a couple of days without. I kept relapsing. I had become a serious addict. How can you want something so bad that simply destroys you? This was the question in my head.
After noticing the fact that after orgasming I felt really bad about everything, I made the most retarded decision EVER. I started to edge. Without orgasming, I wouldn’t feel the negatives. The highlight of my life was smoking a joint, and going to the computer to watch porn for hours. I remember once smoking a joint at 11pm and realizing at 3:30 am that I am still at the computer jerking my life down the drain.
I kept going with this. I believe the longest I went with edging was around 6 hours. I would sometimes take a small break and then continue again.
I was having nothing but negative thoughts, couldn’t look anyone in the eyes and had given up all hope of everything. I was alive, but not living. I was around age 22 and my life consisted mainly of watching other people have fucked up sex in front of camera.
I kept trying all the time to quit, relapsing yet again. After each relapse I binged even heavier than last time, sometimes jerking off an entire day doing nothing else.
But as they say, no matter what happens the man who wins eventually is the one who doesn’t quit. He falls, but he keeps getting up. And thats what I did. I simply wouldn’t surrender no matter how heavily porn tried to keep me a slave to it. Little by little, my streaks got longer and I started to notice the benefits everywhere in my life. I pretty much started without having any discipline and now I feel like it has become a fortress that cannot be broken.
Currently I’m on a 100+ days streak and I have transformed all the things I learned from fighting this curse to everywhere in my life.
I’ve brought sports back in my life and I eat very healthy. I don’t watch mindless tv shows or play video games, I read books. I have started asking girls out and I’m currently dating a few. I’m also working on my business plans for the future.
I have literally turned my life around, first crushing pornography to the ground and taking all the lessons from fighting it and applying it to everywhere in my life. Negative thinking or disbelief doesn’t exist in my life. I’m moving rapidly every day to advance as a person, to become a better version of myself every day. I suggest you do the same.
The benefits are everywhere, basically I think I lost around 10 kgs of fat just because of quitting porn, didnt change anything in the way I eat at that time. I think it really lowers your testosterone which obviously affects multiple things in your thinking and in terms of your physical looks. One big change is definitely that before women didn’t show any interest towards me (obviously since I was watching it) but nowadays its completely the opposite. I think women not only notice your healthy physical look, but also your great mindset. The mindset is after all everything, since life is mostly a head game. Gotta train the mind as hard as you train the body.
The post became perhaps too long but I really wanted to share my story. Remember that EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Growth is painful and trying to change your shitty habits for good doesn’t feel good. But NOTHING will feel as bad as staying where you don’t belong. Keep fighting. DO NOT EVER STOP GETTING UP!!! You will win eventually like I have done.
Thanks for reading and please share if you feel that this might benefit somebody.