“The addiction is in the mind of the afflicted” Rephrase famous saying.
Addiction is one of many afflictions of mind and it’s form from individual to another may vary from one person to another in cause, intensity, form and context. Even no Fap is not the same for every one: some watch porn, other’s do not, some do it 6 a day, other once a week. So it is hard to explain to another human being what and how do you feel. Harder is only to find an answer to peculiar crisis.
So many only do this step when something sad happened: gf dropped me, I am lonely and sad, etc. And lets be fair it is a hard topic: “Hey family! I wanted to talk with you about my masturbating problem!” That talk will never happen in my life. Well, not outside this subreddit, for already my experience was bitter.
Other side of the addictions is that once you got one out the system new will sprout. “Yay, I stopped fapping. No, I did not gained weight/spent all night watching movies/browsed internet this weekend day and night”.
So to give some context I was masturbating from my early teens (about 12-13), till now when I am about 24, so at least half of my life and most of my conscious. Every thing I write here may be as much of tactical(sudden urge) as to strategical value to you and is compiled from my own experience. Including marathons of 20 hours a day gaming and masturbating about every 3 hours.
Amidst this miss understanding rises many discussions like: “you do it cold turkey or you are wasting time” and “you need to do it gradually step by step”. And people ask them selves which one is the TRUE way? None! There is only 3 things that will do it for you: self-awareness; honesty; determination.
- self-awareness: is about you understanding what is happening to you when you do this, that and yonder. You failed? Why? What happened? You succeeded? How? What changed? What did you do?
- honesty: watching is not enough, you have to see. Feeling is not enough you have to accept. Knowing is not enough you have to admit.
- determination: this will get you through no matter how much you fail. Do you really want it? How much?
Some times there will be not enough of this and then you will have to make some changes. On how to make this changes /r/NoFap outdeed itself. Hundreds of useful posts and analysis success and fail stories, experience to draw from. Open your mind and sink in it!
Then comes this moment, for some. That you just can not hold it any more or you can not hold it at all and you fail. You feel like shit. Many find this moment at the begging. You count days and hours. At this stage look at this like at push ups: a HONEST effort will make you stronger! Hey, you can even count your urges! Study them, when they happen and prepare for the next urge.”
Then after 30(60 for me) days you will feel surge in energy. This is the second case when I failed most time. Where do I spend all this energy? Fapping! Eating! Shopping! Last time I started running and now I am addicted to it. Some times it gives me some sort of high, but I will not run full marathon! I need a life for god’s sake! (Tip: C25K) So it took me about 1 year to start using those so called supper powers.
Pro tip: outside changes are just as important as inside changes, so stop associating your self with people who drag you down and drain you. So it is good to change places. Some times other addictions must be removed first. Be like water, if you can not flow here flow from there. Learn from your urges!
Revelation: Took me 3 years to get where I am now(80th day). 3 FUCKING YEARS, BUT I DID IT! So do not be afraid to try it again and again. 3 years is still better then never. There many addictions to come
Many people here have already evolved, unbounded from Fap or some other afflictions. The bad thing is that forgot how it is to begin. But it is a great community non the less. Soon I hope I am ready to leave it and stop wasting space!
Edit: I will probably rewrite it at 90th day and leave more useful info.
[Background from comments] I actually started watching porn at about. May be 12? I remember finding few VHS with it, but it bloomed when I got my smart-phone.
I quit[ed] because I was week in body and spirit and my life was trash. I am more energetic, I feel that I actually do want to do some things, thought for now it is mainly sport. I am more disciplined, do not whine for an hour when somebody asks me for help. I actually can “just do” some things now. It is like if I was handicapped and I not anymore.