That’s the best way to explain this feeling. As a male who was heavily addicted to pornography from the young age of 12 to 23. It seems like I missed out on so much.
Looking back on those times hurts more than anything. Being a deeply depressed, constantly isolated shut in. I loved being isolated. I didn’t want to be around anyone, all my “friends” we’re assholes, girls laughed at me. No one cared about me at home. It was dark times but I had my porn so I said fuck me and continued destroying myself, my life, and my future.
I eventually dropped out around jr year, moved away to an apartment, and finally had what I thought I had wanted. I was free from everything that brought my Porn addicted self pain. So as the days rolled semen was lost time passed. I eventually in my porn haze days ended up getting my head together, and signing up for college. Was only there for about a month before my pmo hijacked brain convicted me to drop all my classes so I could return to isolation and continue my miserable pmo influenced life.
I got started on weed during my brief stint in college, and added getting stoned to my daily routine. It was more than my pmo brain could handle. I remember watching porn movies like they were cable TV while uti. But I never thought what I was doing was wrong. I was told porn was not harmful and that masturbation was ok and that everyone did it. I didn’t have much of a father in my life, and I wonder if this had something to do with some of the bad choices i made in life.
Fast forward two years later I have grown older still a virgin. Deeply depressed, no hope in life, wrinkles forming from smoking eyes look old tired and worn, body in sloth form. Teeth hair a mess, but I still didn’t care the porn kept coming the smoke kept coming I was “happy” then I found nofap. You can read my post history to see my experiences with it. Everything I was told was a lie. I was bullied called names, put down, destroyed, lonely depressed, no hope, ready to die. BUT by simply cutting all forms of pornography from my life, cutting masturbation to zero, supporting my health and body by working out, reading, meditating, not smoking, resting so my body could properly absorb the semen I had been wasting so much of for years, and spending time with people I care about.
My life completely changed. It’s almost unreal, how could the guy who uses to stay shut in all day depressed mad at the world viewing and masturbating frequently to porn, constant thoughts of suicide, etc. become a lean healthy attractive positive man? I look ten years younger when I look in the mirror. I don’t like myself I LOVE myself. I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of me or what I look like. I wake up every day feeling like a beast. I’m not afraid to do anything. It’s like a dog being let off a leash that he’s been chained to for years. That’s what nofap is to me. Every day is a new adventure, an opportunity to do something meaningful, see something beautiful, spend time with people. Stand up and do the right thing. You are beautiful, you can do anything you want, nothing can hold you back. Break the chains that are pmo, and get out there and see what you’ve been missing.
LINK – Feels like coming out of a life long haze.
by chuck67
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