1). SELF WORTH I’ve done the big 90. Never posted here before, but discovered the sub about 3 years ago. Got maybe 21 days, quit for 3 years, and then tried again 90 days ago. I started fapping around age 12 and then starting looking at nude images around age 18, and then looking at porn (PIV sex) around 21 (I am 24 years old). I feel emotional writing this for two reasons: 1). I am overjoyed for the positive change this brought my life.
I am filled with remorse over ever PMOing. The most positive change is that I’ve gained self-respect. I’ve always been social, well-liked by girls (to a certain degree), and told that I am handsome. Yet somehow inside I felt emasculated, worthless, and not self confident. THIS IS BECAUSE DIGNITY DOES NOT COME EXTERNALLY BUT FROM WITHIN. From the outside I probably seemed great, but inside I did not feel like a man. I had internal insecurities that stemmed from PMO. So what does it mean to “feel like a man?” Since quitting PMO I feel filled with confident energy, deeper emotion, and a stronger sense of purpose. The only way to understand what I’m talking about is to experience it for yourself. I could have all the girls, fun, and social life in the world but still not feel alive. Again, that is because feeling alive comes from within.
SO IF YOU WANT TO FEEL ALIVE THEN YOU HAVE TO CHANGE, NOT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. In my experience, this feeling of manhood comes from PMO abstinence (I did hard mode). The difference in how I conduct myself is night and day compared to 90 days ago, because I now conduct myself as a man and not a teenager in a 24 year olds body. I’m more responsible, creative, emotional (in a good way), diligent, and peaceful. Again I want to reiterate it: the greatest benefit of nofap is not that girls suddenly fall at your feet. I could have all the hotties in the world (which would be tight), but self-dignity and a sense of manhood is far greater a reward. The greatest benefit from nofap is feeling like a man. IF YOU ARE ASPIRING TOWARDS 90 DAYS, GET READY TO LIVE FROM SELF RESPECT, NOT FOR SELF RESPECT.
2). WOMEN. Okay, so this is what most want to talk about. It seems in this sub that the thesis is “don’t fap, and you can have the confidence to get laid.” Sounds great, but that is a porn addicts way of thinking. When you stop fapping you don’t need girls to throw themselves at you anymore. Let me phrase it like this: PMO me wished that he could get hot girls in bed at the drop of a dime. Non-PMO realizes that relationship with women is so much more emotionally deep. Yes, I want/like sex, but I don’t want to just get laid. I want to fight for and win a woman’s heart. That’s what men do. Boys just want a porno experience. Men want a chance at developing a relationship with a woman, because women are people and not sex objects.
PMO me would chat up girls just to flirt and tease. Non PMO me engages women because the rich conversations and shared experiences are far better than flirting and fantasizing. You might rebut “well after not fapping for 2 weeks I got laid 79 times.” Good for you, but I’m not settling for a life of mindless stimulation. I’m striving towards a life of fulfillment. IF YOU ARE ASPIRING TOWARDS 90 DAYS, GET READY TO ENJOY BEING WITH WOMEN, NOT OBJECTIFYING GIRLS.
3). TIPS AND ADVICE First week is the hardest. You’re an addict coming off your dope. Don’t get obsessed with tips, tricks, and ways to make it easy. You are going to have to go into the furnace of transformation, and let me tell you that you will suffer. Nothing worth having comes easy. But it is worth it, so suffer on. Week 2-4 I got really emotional. This is because I realized how weak of a man I am. I mentioned that the greatest benefit of nofap is feeling like a man. Well to get there, you first have to realize how much of a boy you are. Nofap will take the blinders off of the fantasy world you’ve been living in. You will confront yourself. I was emotional because I also started craving relationship. PMO numbs our inherent need for relationship with cheap stimulation. You will feel that crave strongly, and it will make you emotional. I cried a couple times for the first time in years (this is a GOOD thing). Again, suffer on.
After about 3 weeks or so it’s easier to say no to the urges. However, literally from week 4 or 5 UNTIL day 70 I had what I think is called flat line. Feeling less like I’m bursting at the seams with energy, and a little more asexual. You will question if it is even worth it. Should I just look at porn to see if I even feel anything? Don’t. To me the flat line is harder than the urges, because at least during the urges there is a strong fight. In the flat line you start to even wonder if the fight is worth it. Post day 70, is when I started to feel the fuller effects of the aforementioned self respect and dignity. IF YOU ARE ASPIRING TOWARDS 90 DAYS, GET READY TO SUFFER. IT’S WORTH IT.
CLOSING: My advice? Just do it. Suffer. Nothing worth having is had easily. You are killing a part of yourself. Kill it. Feel the frustration, the urges, the emotions, the flat lines. Because you will come out the other end feeling like a man.
The tl:dr is that the greatest benefit of nofap is feeling truly like a man.
Because people love stories here’s a quick one: 90 days ago I’d unconfidently flirt with girls but be mostly to scared to make a move or ask them out. Yesterday I talked to a girl out of the blue on campus who was really rad and beautiful. Said she is kinda might be seeing someone. I said “Kinda might be? Doesn’t sound promising” and convinced her to go out with me and we had a riot of a time laughing and adventuring together. She told me she wanted to go out again. I could NEVER have to confidence to do anything like that 90 days ago. 90 days ago a girl like her wouldn’t even be attracted to my personality 90 days ago.
Let’s change the world men.