I decided to quit fapping about three years ago. I was sick of feeling sluggish, and my relationships with women were very closed. Subconsciously I’m sure I knew my pmo habits were unhealthy, but seeing as how everyone I knew watched porn I thought that there must be some other cause to my dysfunction. On a side note, I thought the same thing with drinking alcohol, which I am glad to say I have moved on from 8 months ago.
I won’t go over the typical struggles and strategies, as I feel there are enough of those posts. What I will tell is how my mindset changed over the years and how I have aided its transformation.
In the beginning, its all about trying to get away from seeing as women as objects. I stopped looking at women. Not totally obviously, but I stopped looking at them as a result of sexual compulsion. Even now, I need to step back sometimes and realize that they are just women and that I don’t need them (in the way my mind is telling me i do).
The important thing to remember about noFap is that its not about not fapping and getting girls. That sort of one dimensional thinking will only tie you up. The fact is it is life you are dealing with. To live harmoniously with life, you can’t be living in a state of taking. It may sound cheesy to some, but you will only be truly happy when you realize you have enough. PMO just feeds the mentality that you don’t have enough. Every addiction does. When you take a drink to ease the pain of failure, you are reconfirming to yourself that you need something. Meditation can help a lot with learning to sit through your feelings.
PMO is a little different from other addictions in that it tends negatively affect relationships with women. When I fapped, I always had a perception of what women I wanted and what women were like, without having any real contact with them. When you pmo and don’t make any real emotional contact with women, it is your mind alone that defines what women are like and what they need.
It sounds obvious, but to combat this, all you need is to spend time with women, without wanting anything from them. Don’t be afraid of the friend zone. The friend zone is good. You should be able to friends with women. And also, you cannot fuck every women. Don’t try to if it just isn’t working out. A lot of the time with porn we grow up with the idea that we should be able to pick up any girl we want. Are you friends with every person? Probably 1 out of every 10 people you are actually somewhat compatible with. Don’t frustrate yourself with false expectations. Be open to looks and let the right woman come to you.
Improve your relationship with your mother. If you have problems with your mother it will be tough to have a healthy relationship with any girl. I had a lot of impatience with my mother and in 3 years, I worked quite well to make things better. This has made me happier and has helped me become more accepting and patient with girls.
I could write for days about the things I’ve learned, but I’m afraid nobody would read that. The last thing I want to mention is don’t listen to all the bullshit out there. Listen to yourself. In fact only focus on yourself. Don’t try to impress people because it will impress nobody, and even if it doesn’t this doesn’t give you what you need. Don’t let the opinions of others affect you. Don’t miss out on a girl because your friends think she isn’t hot. Be true to what you want to do and what you want to say, and if your friends disapprove you will move on to find a better fit for yourself. This is easy to write and I know it seems incredibly hard when you are tied up in obligations with family, friends, or girlfriends, and you think you have to do certain things in a certain way. But it is a process. I went from quitting marijuana, to quitting pmo, to distancing myself from poor friends, from cutting out bad habits, to questioning my beliefs, to quitting alcohol, to giving up a “good job”, to becoming more outspoken, to taking risks, to searching for what I really want to do. Now finally am I starting to feel in tune with myself. It takes years of conditioning to become unconditioned. I’m 24
Thanks for reading