I have been pmo’ing pretty much since I was 12 and I am now 24. I’ve only had one proper girlfriend when I was about 16-18 who I was very physical with all the time. Since then I’ve only been with a couple of girls and had 2 short relationships which have ended in them not wanting to speak to me anymore.
I live a pretty normal life and always thought I was successful in terms of working hard, having nice things and investing an education in myself. I wouldn’t focus on girls at all even though I know that’s what I crave the most, and I would justify this by rewarding myself with pmo every night. I would always feel guilty about this but I felt this is what I needed to do. This is what I looked forward to from working hard, being nice to everyone, doing what was expected, hiding my flaws. I felt like this is what I deserved.
I knew I needed to stop. I couldn’t even think of the longest time I went without pmo. Even on holidays with family, or friends in different countries, I would make and find the time to do it.
And then I read Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson. If anyone is thinking on doing no fap, I would strongly suggest reading this book ASAP. It will hopefully change your thinking. I think it really hits the head on exactly what porn addiction does and how it makes you feel. It re-framed my whole thinking about porn, which you think can be healthy cos “everyone” does it.
The first weeks are definitely hell. It becomes so hard to break a habit that you’ve had since you’ve been so young and been doing it so consistently but it can be done. You need to keep busy, read books and exercise. Don’t be home alone. Find out what triggers you and stay away from them. Keep your hands busy. Learn an instrument. My biggest challenge was sleeping as I would always do it before I went to sleep. If this is you, go on nofap and read people’s experiences till your eyes can’t stay open anymore. It is worth it.
Since i started no fap there definitely has been many benefits. I will just try to list my most noticeable ones.
- I used to get really bad anxiety when I would talk to new people, or people I thought that were above me. Or I would get real nervous in certain situations. My heart beat would get real fast and I couldn’t talk properly. Since no fap, I think I have only had this feeling once or twice when I would get it daily. Now I try to welcome it. If something frightens me I try my best to do it.
- Eye contact. When I speak to people now, at work or socially, I try to maintain as much eye contact as I can. Before I guess there is a sense of guilt when you watch porn and you speak to people the next day.
- Confidence and more social – Before I would never want to do anything by myself. Just the thought of going anywhere social by myself was completely off limits. Since no fap, I have seen a band by myself, I have traveled overseas by myself, wandered the streets of foreign countries by myself – with no phone or internet.
- Girls. In my first 20 days of no fap, I hooked up with 2 girls (about a week apart )which was pretty unheard of for me. One even told me she had a boyfriend after we had hooked up, which I thought was crazy (I had no idea at the time too), but since then nothing has really happened.
I still have not watched any porn to this day. The closest thing was a sex scene in a movie I can’t remember what it was – but it didn’t do much for me.
This definitely has been a big challenge, but I think it has been worth it in the long run. I think everyone has the power to do this. You just need to get into the right mindset and know you are better than this. You don’t need to pleasure yourself to something so fake behind your laptop screen or phone. I feel that I still have a long way to go but the journey has been good so far, and I hope if anyone reads this it helps them get through one night of not pmo’ing.
This is my first post since I started no fap, im not too sure what to write but I’ll try my best to explain how I felt and what experiences I have had. This forum has really helped me especially in the first 2 months. I found whenever I was struggling and wanted to relapse I could come here and just read other people’s experiences and that would give me the strength not to do it.
LINK – 109 days – my thoughts
by elchonchoe
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