Wow, kinda surprised i made it this far. Definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I think I still have a ways to go but I’ll summarize what has been good, what has been bad, and what helped me along the way.
A lil background. 24 y/o male. Only one gf in my life, dated for 2 years. Have had sex with 9 girls. Never had a problem getting it up. I found nofap at a very low point in my life. I tried getting my ex back, worked long hours, was using a lot of drugs, and snapped. I became desensitized to everything. Didn’t FEEL anything. Had suicidal thoughts, social anxiety, HOCD, and just felt three feet tall all the time. This was about a year and three months ago.
Complete 180 from there, but not a 360. Before this streak I had three 45 day runs but they were spread out. The biggest thing to getting a serious streak is you telling yourself, “I don’t do that anymore, that was the old me.” It’s not easy to do this and takes many failed attempts, but this is where you build self control and discipline. I’m better at focusing than I was, but I know I can be better.
I reconnected with things I love; skateboarding, music, the outdoors, my family, and God. Now when I say God, don’t think religion. I found it to be much more and way deeper. Relationship>religion. I play in my church band now and find it quite fulfilling. I’m not much of a speaker but I am quite good at singing and i found that singing helps me feel closer to God, or a higher power. Whatever you wanna call it. As a musician I play gigs every now and then and have been writing more. Which feels AMAZING. Slowly but surely, I’m getting a better job. I work in a restaurant now, and love it, but the hours are tough and it encourages drugs and drinking. You need to keep these under control. I still drink but smoke pot way less. I have a degree in accounting and want to get a good job using it, while also supporting my passion for music. Another great thing is the ability to be friends with girls. In hs, i was friends with a lot of girls but didn’t hook up with a lot. I was picky and when I liked a girl, I reeeeeaally liked her. I remember that when I broke up with my ex, I thought about all those girls and how I could have fucked them If i tried. Bad way to think. Out of the 9 girls I had sex with, I only felt a connection with 4 of them. And it makes me feel like shit. But now, I have been hanging with two girls I work with. One, I kinda have a crush on, but I don’t think we’re right for each other. So friends it is, and I’m ok with that. And I have fun with them.
Social anxiety is not completely gone. Nor is the HOCD. I think they’re tied together. Both have gone down significantly, but I still get intrusive thoughts when trying to talk to some people. Mostly new people. But the more I do the things I love and rebuild my identity I can see it fading. Just gotta keep going. Also, loneliness/girls. Nofap is a lonely road. This forum helps so much but sometimes the posts are seriously fucked up or no help at all. Loneliness makes you want to pmo. It has helped us feel less alone for so many years. So many things come to light in Nofap, some not so great things. I realized that I suck at one night stands, I like real relationships, real people. And those are hard to find. Nofap, to me, makes the world seems sex obsessed and ugly. But you start finding joy in little things, especially nature.
I don’t want to be celibate for the rest of my life. But i think i need to keep going. If I started jerking off again now, I wouldn’t be able to stay away from porn for long. I started this streak right after I had a fling with this girl. The sex was good, I was focused on her and she had a great butt. But after the sex, i felt empty. Still thinking about my ex. It just didn’t feel right. Sex is the closest two human beings can ever be. I don’t want to have that with just anyone, or just with a girl cuz she’s hot. This goes against what the world tells us. My friends would think I’m weird. But for me, I think I’m pretty great. I shouldn’t let just any girl sleep with me. I want it to be mutually desired. When i lowered my standards, I lowered myself respect.
I’m my own person, and so are all of you. Nofap is different for EVERYONE and everyone has found it for their own reasons. Trust yourself, listen to yourself and you’ll find your way. At least that’s what I’m trying to do.
Best of luck to everyone. Keep trucking
LINK – first 90 day report
gahhhhh, im down but not out.
I shall not binge. I will not. Ef a chaser.
I am incredibly proud of myself for doing this. I relapsed after 100 days no pmo but didnt use porn. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. Getting back on the horse is tough tho.
But my relationships are so great! not romantic just fulfilling. And i like myself again. A girl i’ve been hangin with told me the other day that my good vibes are rubbing off on her. It made me so happy. I don;t see every girl as a possible lay anymore. I want to get to know them. Yes, they’re all attractive but I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship now so I’m just conversing. Also, my close guy friends have noticed a change in me and I actually value them now. I used to take them for granted.
Before nofap, I was jaded from my past relationships and just using porn and drugs to stay high all the time. Nofap helps you find pleasure in little things. Conversations, food, music (for sure), this si the best thing I could’ve ever done for myself.
I just gotta get back on it.
relapsed with p for the first time in 120 days. The positives are amazing and i slipped up