When I came to NoFap I had been in denial of my PMO problem. I had never seen PMO as a problem, after all, every guy watches porn right? However, it doesn’t matter how much I did it and for how long, that guilty that keeps hovering over like bad omen whenever you jack off never wore off…I never got used to it and I couldn’t understand why. I mean wasn’t there a point where I could just get used to it and just be free from the guilt? That combined with other problems even in my social relationships I decided to stop but I had little to no success. Then I searched for help online I couldn’t be happier to have landed here.
Reading people’s stories, how PMO had affected them too and how they were also struggling to overcome it made me feel like I was a part of a bigger family out there, a family of people trying to break free from a bad habit and become a better version of themselves. This gave me hope that I will one day be free and there is no way I could be left behind. After all this time, I feel obligated to share with you the lessons I have learnt so far, the journey from 0 to 90, the low and high moments and most importantly whether they were all worth it. So, in short summary, this is what I have learnt so far:
- PMO is a real problem but with effort, will power, full dedication and daily sacrifice, ANYONE can overcome it. When I started I doubted myself so much but as each day went by I grew more confident and I couldn’t go look back. I couldn’t believe I had sacrificed strength, character, confidence and honesty for that long for just a few seconds of pleasure followed by long hours of guilt.
- Have an accountability partner. Someone you truly trust and doesn’t have any judgements, someone willing to help you become a better version of yourself. Even if they won’t help you on a daily basis to overcome your temptation, if they are close, they won’t expose you to anything that might have you relapse. The first time I relapsed it was because my best friend sent me a dirty video and it just led me back to watching porn. After being honest with him, he has never done that and he makes sure I feel accountable to him by encouraging me to always keep away.
- Make porn as hard to access as possible. You may think you should trust yourself but you should know you are an addict and that means you won’t be thinking straight when you are really craving for it. To achieve this I deleted all the porn on my hard drive and phone and blocked porn content on my browser with a 15 random character, text and symbols password. My accountability partner stored the password. All I had to do now was use the few minutes I needed to get around this restriction to get my mind together and stop.
- The first 20 to 30 Days are the Worst. This is when my urges were the strongest. I started getting insomnia and at some point I was sure I couldn’t live without PMO, I had to go back. However after that, I was glad I didnt! Things started to look up! I started going for a day without thinking of PMO and now all I had to do was not relapse.
- Always question every decision you make especially during the first few days. Our brains are very tricky engines. There were days I was sooo attracted to PMO that I could list down 50 or so reasons as to why I should watch it; “Its just PMO right? Who cares if I watch it or not? Doing it once won’t do anyone any harm right? Everybody watches porn but they seem okay walking up and down the streets, why should I stop? I think I will fall sick, do I really want that?” and on and on it goes. You have to find ways of keeping yourself off it during these moments. This is what I found useful in my case:
- If you are a religious person, pray. Go to church, interact with people, get to hear people give testimonies on how they overcame addition to drugs or alcohol and such. I found prayer to bring some kind of peace. So every time I would feel like I need PMO I would walk out of the house and go to church.
- When you are super tempted and your brain seems to convince you there is no harm done by watching porn just one more time, shoot your accountability a text and they will remind you why you need to keep off it.
- Avoid fantasizing about porn especially during these moments as it only makes things worse and
- Finally, meditate. Just close your eyes, take a few breaths. Shut everything off from your mind and just focus on your breathing till you feel the urge go down.
- Pay close attention to what makes you feel like you need porn. For me it’s was stress; anything unpleasant happened in my day and I would use PMO to escape it. That’s why I needed it most of the time. I therefore had to look for other ways to deal with the disappointments from my day.
- Have a NoFap Journal. Support from others and also reading what others are writing was another thing that gave me so much motivation. I didn’t always get comments but I could see my journal had views. And that in its own way made me feel I am accountable to these readers, even if I didn’t know them.
- Practice the NoArousal Technique. This means no fantasy at all. When walking on the streets don’t be looking at women and start fantasizing of her in some dirty position. This helps in avoiding any temptation to relapse. It also helps helps in keeping your brain from anything porn.
- Learn to enjoy your new life and find ways to appreciate yourself for every accomplishment you achieve. In my life there have been so many changed since I decided to stop PMO. After the struggle to stop the habit and all those days I laid awake feeling like crap, I found I could easily enjoy my life now. There is no depression, no guilt and everything day seems brighter. If you are wondering whether I find it worth it, yes I do. It’s all worth it.
That is all I wanted to share about my first 90 day accomplishment. From here I will do another 90 while still keeping my journal updated. Thank you so much for reading. Please share your experience with me too by leaving a comment.
All the Best in your Journey.
LINK – Summary of My First 90 Days: Lessons Learnt