Today is my 7 year anniversary of not viewing pornography. Looking back, so many wonderful things have happened since I parted ways with pornography. I am 5 months away from graduating from the university of my dreams, I’m happily married, in the best shape of my life, more creative than ever, and deeply engaged in a career I love and am passionate about. I’m also extremely self-motivated.
I would have to say that my favorite of all the countless benefits of taking control over my desires has to be the discipline. The challenges around quitting pornography have strengthened my mind and spirit and given me the ability to do incredibly strenuous things. I would be lying if I said that the struggle of giving it up is what gave me most of the benefits! I used to lie in bed in agony trying not to give in, and I remember thinking “I’d rather have a lobotomy than go through this for even 10 more minutes.” And now I see that it was nights like that that helped me grow so much.
I still have a VERY long way to go (I’m 25 so in the grand scheme of things 7 years is only beginning). I still struggle. But I have seen the benefits and I know they outweigh the momentary hit of escape.
Here’s to many more years!
My wife and I have a strong attraction, however, she works in a bakery so she’s up at 4 am and in bed around 8 pm. Meanwhile, I’m a student and I am rarely in bed before 11 pm and I’m up around 7-8 am. So that makes sex tough, sometimes. So I have good weeks and bad weeks. I find I give in to masturbation when I am really stressed and don’t get to see my wife much. Sometimes I come home from a bad day and my wife’s fast asleep and I get in this mood like “I don’t care.” I give in and immediately feel like an idiot, especially because I’m married. That’s why I still keep up with nofap, and see a therapist on occasion.
We are all trying to get control, and it’s excruciatingly difficult. And it can seem like you’re looking up from the bottom of a 100 foot hole some times.
A couple things that might help you through these hard times: 1) Don’t hate yourself. PMO for the most part, is a symptom of a deeper issue of lack of self worth, making it an incredibly powerful vicious cycle. When I commited to abandoning pornography I was instructed to spend at least a month not trying to quit PMO, and just focus on building my self worth through affirmations, fitness, and meditation. And sure enough things got better as I started to realize that PMO doesn’t diminish your human value.
2) Get off social media. I don’t know what it is about social media, but nothing screws up your psyche quite like obsessing over people as a pastime… I am noticeably happier when I just tell people “Farewell for a few months”. Not to mention how soft core social media is becoming.
3) Go places without technology as much as possible. Go backpacking and leave your phone in the car. I know that’s somewhat dangerous, but odds are, if anything bad happens you won’t have cell signal. You’re better off buying a cheap satellite SOS device designed for the outdoors. Don’t like the outdoors? Go to the gym at night when people don’t need to reach you, and leave your phone behind. It teaches you to enjoy “being with yourself” little by little. It’s an incredible boost to self esteem, and another opportunity to build discipline.
TLDR: Try one more time. Build your self worth before trying to tackle PMO. Get off social media. Leave your phone behind every now and then.