Age 25 – 90 days ago, I was at one the lowest points in my life. I had unbearable OCD & no desire for living whatsoever


90 days ago, I was at one the lowest points in my life. I had unbearable OCD (disgusting Pure-O thoughts that made me question my entire morality), no desire for living whatsoever and daily verification of what a weak person I was – I gave in to every single temptation – reddit, binge masturbation, food, you name it. Then, I decided I don’t want that life anymore.

And I made this post. I needed accountability, and boy did you guys deliver it! If I failed, I would have to cash out more than $5600, which I simply didn’t have.

For the first few days, I was panicking. What if I fail? Would I be able to live with myself knowing that my word isn’t worth anything? But the challenge put me under pressure and a sense of urgency – and that’s the best thing to get you moving from a bad place. It’s like being chased by a lion – you don’t have time to worry about other things, you just run for your life until you get away from that lion! Even though I was in a really shitty state of mind, I was actually moving forward in one area of my life (even though my master’s thesis wasn’t going anywhere).

After a few days, I started a simple morning daily routine: leg exercises (I had really bad back pain), grateful thoughts and dancing to a song, which helped me get into a positive mindset and block out some of my OCD thoughts. I resumed writing my thesis, only for about an hour a day. But after a long time in a bad place, every little thing helps to get the ball rolling. After the first week, the urges subsided and I added things to my daily routine: I managed to meditate a few times a week, and it always made a positive impact on my day.

Then, around two weeks into my streak, the urges came. And not only the urges, a sense of loneliness and desire for closeness, because I’d been single for a long time. This is where I would binge fap like a mofo, but my promise to NoFap prevented me from doing that. I did make accounts on dating sites, reminisced about my ex and read our old sexy chats fantasizing, but I decided it was dragging me down and deleted all of those things. THIS is one of the most difficult parts of NoFap – you can’t get rid of those feelings, and you can’t just erase them with masturbation, but if you direct it towards something good, you get over it. Over a few weeks, I managed to direct those feelings of desire towards my daily activities, and started to see progress in my state of mind and in my productiveness.

In the next period, I was able to function like a normal human being. Even though I had the horrible OCD thoughts, my willpower was shitty, and I wasn’t as productive as I would like to, I was amazed by how much I could influence that with simple positive habits (when I brought myself to actually doing them). Here are the most powerful habits that made a difference:

  • EXERCISE. THE DADDY OF ALL HABITS. Whenever I did it, it made a world of difference, I was in the moment, motivated, and I could just feel the dopamine. Go to r/bodyweightfitness and try their recommended routine, It’s adaptable, based on science and you can do it pretty much anywhere. They also have a great app for it.
  • MEDITATION. – Another major part of my recovery. Download the Headspace app or read “Mindfulness in plain English to get started”. It will change your life.
  • MUSIC. – I made a “get psyched” playlist on Google Play with songs that pump you up including various genres. It really helps to get you into the positive state of mind, and it’s much easier from there.
  • COLD SHOWERS. This will kill your urges for the entire day, no question about it. I don’t know if I would have made it without cold showers. For anyone with OCD/anxiety disorder, this is also an essential habit, your day will be a million times better starting from the moment you get out of that shower. Push yourself for just a little colder, even if the cold lasts for just 30 seconds.
  • SOCIALIZATION. Go out with your friends, do fun activities, LAUGH. Science proved we need it subconsciously, and I can confirm that from my experience.
  • TRACK YOUR PROGRESS. If you want to know more, check out this amazing post.
  • CREATIVE ACTIVITIES. I went to a psychologist and she also recommended a lot of the stuff above, but she put an accent on this. It’s an escape vent for all the stuff that have been bubbling under the surface and you can’t express. Make origami figures, play an instrument, chop wood, anything that interests you, and it gradually helps you make a shift in your mind. For me, it was playing the guitar and singing, putting all of my energy into it. It’s kind of orgasmic in a non-sexual way.

Around 40-45 days, like a lot of people, I got intense urges. But I started to actually try to do something about them. Long story short, tomorrow I am going on a date with the girl I really like, after god knows how long! And the thing is, in this last period, even though I am horny, I don’t want sex with anyone. Like others have said, it matters who it is. There was a girl who wanted to hook up with me via Tinder, and she is a nice cute girl, but I said no, because I didn’t feel that connection. Finally, if things go well with this girl, it’s going to be something special.

So, how is it after 90 days? I won’t lie; I expected more “superpowers”. But I also realized that they don’t come by themselves, you have to put in the effort. And in a lot of areas, I didn’t. I should have exercised more, meditated more and done a lot of other things instead of just abstaining from porn and masturbation. HOWEVER – where I am now is MILES AND MILES away from my shitty mental state three months ago. I am a functioning member of society, I’m almost finishing my thesis and I’m always meeting new people and enjoying life. The OCD thoughts come and go sometimes, but I don’t believe them anymore, and they don’t have a big grip on my life anymore. I want to improve myself, finish my degree, learn to swim, learn programming, and live life to the fullest.

The lesson from all of this is, while my road to 90 was a bit forced – as others have said, it’s external motivation – it managed to get me out of the worst period in my life. This is an example of what good accountability can do, so I highly recommend having a friend who understands as an accountability partner, and decide on a punishment if you don’t reach it,and a reward if you do. Make the reward something that is compatible with your life goals, maybe something from your bucket list. Otherwise, I’ll be glad to be an accountability partner for you, hit me up with a PM anytime you need support, it’s the least I can do! I have to give a shoutout to u/laser_goat and u/philsters, they helped me immensly in my journey, thank you guys so much!

But don’t make my mistake, if you truly want to maximize your NoFap experience, make self-improvement a way of life and do all of the positive habits you should be doing, otherwise it’s going to take a lot longer and it’s going to be a more frustrating ride.

Thanks for reading, and good luck on your journey! If I could make it, so can you!

LINK – 90. FREAKING. DAYS. We did it, NoFap! Instead of gold, you have my eternal gratitude! (my experience in post)

by JanBibijan