Just before day one: Woke up, hated life, rushed my wife and kid out the door, went upstairs and started with a half hour morning fap before getting to work. I deserved it after all.
Day 50: Woke up, sat for twenty five minutes, appreciated the sunrise. Got my wife and kid coffee and breakfast, walked my daughter to daycare. Came home, went for a half hour 3k run. I deserved it after all.
You tell me which way to start your day sounds more fulfilling. Stay strong fapstronauts.
UPDATE – So this is what 90 days looks like
I made it. Hard mode.
No choir of angels and beams of heavenly radiance from above, no bevy of squealing supermodels group hugging and spraying me with bottles of Veuve Cliquot, no podium and no flower and medal ceremony.
Just a sense of perspective, some new found integrity, and some humility. Oh, and a genuine sense that, compared to a lot of those poor shifty PMO addicted souls out there, I’m a bit of a bad ass. Given that I was one of those poor shifty souls a mere 90 days ago, I’ll be careful to not let it go to my head.
The whole cycle of PMO- the way it insinuates itself into your psyche, the way it changes your relationship to yourself, the way it changes your view of spare time, how it distorts your views of intimacy and women in general- is truly staggering. I liken this whole process to lancing and then pulling out a giant infected ingrown hair. You’ll continuously be amazed at how deep it goes, and how infected you’ve become. You think you got it all and there just more coiled up and ready to be pulled out. It’s all there, just below the surface.
It’s also amazing how unthinkable I thought this was only three months ago. Porn was just part of life, part of what I needed to get through those little difficult moments where I felt uneasy and unloved. It was a break I deserved because life was unfair.
Now I’m paying attention to those difficult moments and confronting them directly, with insight and compassion, so that I don’t have to experience them over and over again. As I do this, those moments turn into insight and the need to view the world from a sexually compulsive or objectifying standpoint starts to evaporate.
[Further explanation] I detailed how not resorting to PMO allowed me to pay attention to those small moments where I doubted myself and experienced the pain of everyday living. It showed me all of those painful moments I automatically avoided and took for granted and simply shoved out of the way with compulsive behavior. I’m starting to address those moments ( you know, those two minute pockets of anxiety, self loathing, rage, bad memories, helplessness), and I’m watching them go away because I don’t cover them up by watching sad runaway girls from Florida get pounded by sad wannabe actors from Hollywood and then genitally sneezing into a kleenex. I just stay with the bad moment and watch it go away. As a result, I notice that those moments are fewer and farther in between. The actual texture of my moment to moment awareness is improving in ways I couldn’t have foreseen. That’s the best benefit imaginable.
I am just beginning to see how using pleasure as a crutch is just another way to perpetuate pain. When the pain starts to go away, you start to see how small and pathetic and demeaning the crutch is. No pain, no crutch. No crutch, no pain.
I don’t need that crutch anymore. I’ll never use it again. Life’s too short to start hobbling around on a crutch I don’t really need.
Next step: wings.
Fapping Background: Was addicted to PMO for almost 12 years, I am 25 now and a virgin. I remember the first time I saw porno was in a internet cafe, my friend took me there and since then I was hooked on that. Started from usual normal porn. But over the years the addiction got weirder and weirder. I have noticed that I was disgusted by professional porn at the start, because it lacked emotional touch, looked only amateur stuff. But as the time passed, I was more into it. Then I started watching hardcore things, then moved to some really abusive stuff, which definitely not enjoyable to women in the scenes. But my lust got bigger and bigger. I was not satisfied. After that the shit really began. I started watching animal porn. Yes animal porn, It looks so disgusting and shameful thing to me now, but at that time I remember enjoying that. And at the end of my fapping journey I start following shemale porn. I am 100% straight guy but normal woman porn videos were not exciting to me any more. I went on exploring the world of shemale porn for over a year to such an extent that shemale porn became my fetish. I won’t look at another thing but shemale porn. Its disgusting but I was pretty hooked to it.
- In the beginning at 14 or 15 yrs, I fapped whenver I could. Porn wasn’t easily accessible back then but I fapped to whatever fantasy I had in mind.
- Around 18- 20’s Porn was pretty available to me, got internet connection at home and then would watch porn and masturbate whenever I was alone with the PC. Usually 5 to 6 sessions per week. One session takes atleast a couple of hours of my time.
- Around 22 to 25 it was mostly a weekend stuff. I would go normally in the whole week, and when the weekend comes I would masturbate 5 to 6 times a day, to the point where my dick would became painful but my mind would not accept any excused from my dick and I would masturbate from waking up from the bed to sleeping.
No Fap Attempts
I would feel disgusted about my self most of the time, low in self confidence. Interestingly, I started writing diary 2 years ago and now when I read the past posts, it becomes clear to me that how much I hated myself back then. I tried my best but wasn’t successful at all, I failed mostly after 15 to 20 days. And It was pretty obvious to me that I won’t be able to resist porn no matter how strong I try. I accepted defeat.
Almost six months ago, I stumbled on reddit, ironically that too looking for porn and don’t know how but got into this subreddit. Read its info bar and went on fapping agian. After some months I decided again to stop this pmo shit and now I knew where to go, I got a counter and read the stories here, that helped me a lot.
At this point I want to mention some of the great posts by great guys that helped me a lot, Please MUST read them Thats gold, jerry! gold!
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/32kk0x/desperation_neediness_depression_anxiety/ by /u/JonathanRothe
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/17sfwj/the_guide_to_nofap/ by /u/Ausen
- http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_VGsreexPmwc/TA4Bbn1tz-I/AAAAAAAAA8Q/jTue8H6lMS8/s1600/QzG4V.jpg by /u/soberfun
- http://imgur.com/a/mNDXo by /u/bqroche
- http://i.imgur.com/ko9pj.jpg by /u/SleepingSol
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1c0jxx/as_a_living_breathing_nonporn_woman_i_cant_thank/ by /u/nfapthrwwy
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/333989/porn_is_visual_heroinget_away_now/ by /u/kse_dtd
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/331bj9/you_might_benefit_from_this_compilation_of/ by /u/nicknamer
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/331c2t/feelings_after_a_year/ by /u/emberfly
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/3342aq/its_hard_when_he_relapses/ by account deleted
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/3343p3/complete_loss_of_interest_in_the_real_thing/ by /u/brontayed
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2qr619/respect_the_flatline_and_then_conquer_it/ by /u/CultivateShalom
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/33uany/90_days_of_harder_mode_but_just_the_start_of_my/ by /u/hambley
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/33tf8i/just_realized_ive_been_doing_this_daily_for_15/ by /u/Newdaychamp
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1nxujc/applause_for_the_no_fappers_from_a_sex_addicts/ /u/SpouseOfASexAddict
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1voprv/understanding_flatlines_and_why_you_must_wait/ /u/ValoKnight91
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2tok6g/if_you_are_going_through_a_flatline_or_are_having/ by /u/Blue-52
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2gvp0w/what_to_expect_while_no_fapping_the_guide/ by /u/henkesand
- https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/20kj3a/it_doesnt_get_easier_after_you_are_married/ by /u/mandolin_geek
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/35wkwk/a_simple_but_plausible_theory_on_the_dreaded/ by /u/minivanman1
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/36cj7z/youre_in_the_habit_of_emptying_your_balls/ /u/JonathanRothe
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/36bnzu/just_look_at_the_difference_of_confidence_in_this/ by /u/hackyBoy
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1xjtgf/pied_is_real_and_evil/ by /u/maxterbator710
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2gjtss/the_way_porn_changes_your_view_of_women_its_not/ by Account deleted
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/37sh0f/why_my_40day_streak_ended_with_a_nasty_relapse/ by /u/hailmary2pac
- https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/37l83o/the_beta_male_position/ by /u/Dukeofurl111
- First Month: I removed every possible trigger from my life in the first month, I stopped using facebook, pinterest, youtube, instagram. Stopped watching all kind movies. I noticed thing about facebook other than possible trigger is that it creates a sense of frustration sometimes, e.g all you old friends hanging our having fun, getting rich, getting girls and you are just sitting there fapping. It gives damn stress, atleast to me. So, anything that could possibly trigger me was gone from life in the first month. Started Playing football, everyday i was exhausted having no energy for pmo. Started working on my thesis and research paper, Just got myself busy in useful things.
- Second Month: Things were pretty easy there, some days were really calm, no urges some days were really hard, mood swings, flatline, and other mental tricks that your mind play were there. but i didn’t risk any triggers, i started using youtube or facebook but I was alert. Overall things were very easy as compared to first month.
- Third month: Submitted two research papers for publication, currently working on third. Went on hiking trip. Things got better. I feel better about my self. my confidence is great. Now I can look people in the eyes and talk to them. I mean that is amazing I was never able to make eye contact before. Now I can look my boss in the eyes and talk to him. that’s pretty amazing for me. Interestingly , previously I thought too much before posting a status or pic on facebook, but now I don’t even give a damn. I post whatever I like to post. Overall I am happy with myself, the disgusting shitty feeling about my self is gone. My personal diary is filled about disgusting notes about myself, but now I no longer write shitty things about me anymore. Recently I started working out too. So I am improving myself. This Nofap journey is just the beginning for me. I was addicted to PMO for too long to be fully cured in 90 days. That’s it folks. I have just written whatever was in my mind. I hope it will help someone out there.
P.S: For me Nofap was never about getting girls, I just wanted to get rid of porn and Improve myself, and I am happy that I am going down that path. I consider myself in top 10% worst case scenario pmo addicted guys and if I can make that long then surely you can too. 🙂
Something I’m noticing at 100 days. Superpowers aren’t so unbelievable. I’m not talking about laser vision or super agility- just the ability to attract and hold the attention of women. Let me explain.
First off, cutting PMO from your life is a brilliant way to attune you to the energies of the people around you. If you are a fap addict, you aren’t interested in interaction. You just want to take a ‘mental snapshot’ and run back to your grubby room to rub one out. And believe me, women know if you are actually looking at them or if you are furtively ‘recording’ their image for ‘use’ later. They don’t know exactly ( no one can read minds perfectly), but they sense something is up. Most importantly, they sense the innate lack of self confidence and lack of self control that go along with this type of behavior. If you aren’t proud of your tendency to stare at women in this way, it will translate into a palpable shiftiness. A lot of my early days on this challenge was readjusting how I looked at women. I noticed early on that I had acquired some creepy/needy habits. Women don’t generally call men on this shit, because doing so can result in direct aggression from men. But half of superpowers is the simple stupid realization that salivating over a woman’s tits isn’t attractive, and the knowledge that they are far more attuned to your energy than you ever realized.
Women are also on the look out for men who are goal directed and able to stick to their own agendas. Not being able to keep it in your pants despite your self loathing and desire to stop doesn’t translate to a confident and goal directed demeanor. Trying to hide your lack of self control either translates to shiftiness or to a completely ‘dead’ affect.The latter comes about with the notion that “If I don’t have any expression, no one will know.” Once again, women can sense this and this is not an attractive thing.
On the opposite tack, keeping it in your pants and turning your back on something 99% of the male population can’t seem to control makes you special. Most men cover up their lack of self control with superficial chest beating and Alpha male bluster. If you truly have self control, however, you are the real deal. You have a level of discipline most men you pass on the street do not have. So nofap is truly a way to make yourself stand-out. Once again, women won’t know what’s going on, but they’ll sense that you have an uncommon degree of focus and self discipline, which is always attractive.
When guys on this thread talk about ‘superpowers’, they’re simply talking about the ability to be in the present in a relaxed and real way while conversing with an attractive female. There’s no shiftiness, no urgency. You aren’t ashamed because of whatever nastiness you were looking at a few hours earlier. You don’t find yourself projecting pile-driver porn onto the girl that’s standing infront of you, and this is a good thing. You don’t feel the uneasy need to get away and ‘relieve’ yourself. You can just be there, bask in their presence confident that nothing in particular has to happen.
You can’t believe what a huge relief this is for women. Believe me, they’ve told me. The shifty, squirelly, furtive horny shit is what they experience most of the time from men. When they see your self possessed, confident, smiling face you can sure as hell believe they see something in you.
UPDATE – Thanks nofap
So if you follow my posts, you know that I quit teaching to become a full time writer. Nofap was priority #1 because I couldn’t face being home alone all day with a computer if fapping was an option. That’s what kickstarted me on this journey after a half hearted love/hate relationship with porn that lasted for about two decades.
Well now I’m very close to closing a deal with the management of a very big rockstar, designing his stage show for Vegas. We added some theatrical elements and some pretty ballsy visual spectacle. They love it but they’re asking pointed questions, the way management does. In the words of my creative collaborator, who met with his management yesterday “we’re past the coffee stage and the first date stage and we’re actually having sex. Now we just have to see if conception is going to happen.”
All of this is in hopes of finally selling said Rockstar on a musical I wrote about him a couple of years ago, and this brings us closer. Either way, it’s huge. And just to keep the ball rolling, I’ve churned out two scripts in the last three months as well. If this deal goes through, everything else will be that much easier to move along.
This is all thanks to nofap. Seriously. I wouldn’t have had the discipline to keep at my writing schedule, never losing my focus, taking breaks to look at interesting resource instead of sleaze videos. When I wake up I don’t reach for my dick, I reach for a book or a magazine that I’ve set aside the night before to further my projects along. Also, my whole perspective has shifted. I’m safely out of the squirrel cage and getting closer to living in reality. Which is pretty fucking cool.
So keep your fingers crossed. Thanks nofap.