I starting masturbating to lingerie catalogs at 12. I was using internet porn by 13/14 and addicted to hardcore porn around 15/16. I was unable to finish when I received my first blowjob and hand job at 16. I was unable to finish when I had sex at 17. I’ve been unable to orgasm outside of masturbation despite having plenty of different partners and fairly regular sex.
I am 25 and today is day 11 without looking at porn. I know that doesn’t seem like much, but its about 4 days longer than I’ve ever gone before in my 10 or so attempts at stopping.
Today I had a very strong urge to look at porn and almost caved. Instead I left my apartment and did some work in a coffee shop where I knew I couldn’t do anything for the time being. I called my girlfriend and told her I needed her to come home as soon as possible. She later told me that my call made her feel wanted and really got her going. I’d never actually felt desperate for sex before so that was the first time she’d ever gotten a call like that from me.
Anyway, I was just barely able to make it until she got home. For the first time since high school, I actually started getting butterflies watching a woman get undressed. About 10 minutes into sex, the sensation started building. Even then, I convinced myself that this was just going to be a tease; there was no way I was actually going to be able to finish without masturbation. Then I got a warming sensation that I hadn’t experienced since I was 12, then boom.
I had faked orgasms for years, so my girlfriend thought it was weird when I didn’t bother to go through my normal “orgasm” routine. She thought it was even weirder that I made a big mess on the floor when normally everything just kind of stays in there. I broke down and told her everything, she was extremely supportive and didn’t get overly upset about me lying to her for two years.
I think one of the hardest parts about quitting my porn addiction is that I had no guarantees that I could actually be cured. Now I guess I do. Can’t wait to see where I’m at by day 90.
LINK – My life just changed. I just lost my virginity despite having sex over 1000 times before.
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