Yes! I finally did it and can now feel really normal. All my sexual related issues already seem distant and it feels natural and not that big of a deal to perform as I should in bed. But how did I manage to overcome five years of suffering and almost a decade of excessive pmo?
Well, this is my story. It’s kinda long but very interesting(I believe).
I’m a 25 year old guy who is considered by the opposite sex as good looking, polite, even sexy and mysterious. I’ve always beenn in a great shape and I’m very outgoing and have lots of friends. So what went wrong? You see, I was a very good student and during highschool I focused on getting good grades. I also had acne so was kinda scared of females as I thought they wouldn’t like me or wouldn’t think I was cool. Turns out I was wrong as I did manage to have my first kiss at age 17 with my highschool crush who was maybe the prettiest girl in class. She was obviously more experienced than me (I mean she wasn’t a virgin) but she said to a friend of hers that I was the best and most passionate kisser she had ever had. So it seems like I was afraid for no reason. So you’d think that things would go right from then on…well not exactly.
You see I then finished with school and went to the university where all the friends I made were not virgins and most of the girls too. So I was terrified. My solution was to pretend I wasn’t a virgin as well. It worked as no one thought I would be as I wasn’t timid at all but then I found myself not being able to attract girls. That must have been due to the pmo cause it was after highschool that I went deep in it. I guess I couldn’t attract them sexually. I would getnfriendzoned all the time.
Finally around age 21 I met this girl and started dating. We got really close, fell in love(which was easy for me cause I didn’t have any experience and her too as she had only been with one guy for like two months and it was awful, sex and all). I thought it was finally my chance to have sex and start having more confidence. But it didn’t happen so easily. I found out that I couldn’t stay hard for more than a minute or even get it up at times. I blamed anxiety and inexperience for everything, mostly for the fact that II couldn’t put a condom.
She was troubled but loved me and could wait as I pleased her immensely in every other possible way but we were only able to have a full sexual experience about a yer later. That’s when the ed stopped and the de began. I could last for hours but couldn’t finish. I thought she was a saint for being so patient with my situation(she would turn out to be a bitch in the future).
Meanwhile I continued pmo as I thought it wasn’t the problem. That’s when I discovered nofap, about 2,5 years ago. I told her about it and that it could really help our relationship and my problem. She was okay and applauded my sincerity. I would let her down. I had some two week streaks and then would relapse and start pmo more to a point were I’d have ed for some days after or would have a swollen penis. It was funny looking and tragic at the same time.
We continued being together although I was getting tired of her, angry with her, easily bored and stuff like that. I’m now sure that even though it wasn’t meant to last as we’re very different people with almost no things in common and different opinions altogether, a lot of the problems we had came from my issue and the fact that it helped me become more indifferent about her. But we didn’t break up because of that, which may sound weird. I moved to another city so we talked about trying the long distance relationship thingy. It didn’t work even though I tried more. It was when we broke up, that I started a serious nofapping period.
It was almost 50 days without pmo that I met a girl in my new city and went out for some dates. Things looked good although I wasn’t that attracted to her. Just wanted to have sex and see if the nofap challenge was doing anything for me. I know it sounds bad. In then went again to my old city for a couple of weeks for some university stuff and reconnected with the ex. It was just sex, it felt better but still couldn’t come. I was so disappointed that I started pmo again. Pathetic.
We had sex a few times again during those two weeks but since I saw she was viewing it as more, I told her we should stop seeing each other band continue with our lives. She continued by starting dating my best friend in my old town just a week after I left. Yeah! She went there.
I was disgusted and disappointed and then started blaming my sexual issues. I wanted to move on but had two problems. Any attempt at nofap wouldn’t last more than two weeks so I believed I wouldn’t come with anyone and as she was the only one I had been with(and she only had one before me who was smaller in penis size), I thought that if I found a more experienced girl she might think I’m small. This was a fixation of mine probably due to porn and some months had to pass and two girls later would convince me that I’m not just average, but quite big. But I’ll get there later.
So, about a month after I found out about my ex girlfriend and my ex friend, I started using tinder as it would be easier to start a conversation. Here girls on tinder don’t look for sex immediately, but I had three dates and they went well as I got the kiss at the first date. I told you I’m quite good looking and charming. The first had issues with her ex, the second had to travel so we left it there. The third one would be the best. She was veeeeery experienced. I’d say too experienced. I believed I would be able to come with her as she wanted to do everything with me. I always blamed a bit my ex for the fact that she didn’t do anything kinky in bed and didn’t even give me bjs. She thought it was gross. So I beloved that in the hands of a master of the art of sex, I would have all my problems solved.
Well no. I could make her come easily, she said I was fantastic in everything I did but still I couldn’t perform as I wanted. After a while she thought I didn’t like her that much, she felt inadequate and so she broke up with me. It didn’t hit me hard. She was hot, and great in bed but I knew what I needed to do to succeed and really feel the pleasure I’m being given. There were no more excuses. That was four months ago.
Almost two months passed where I pmoed twice but not like crazy, just one o. And then I met her. Oh my god, I knew from the first day that she was a keeper. I couldn’t lose her but couldn’t lie to her. So I told her everything before we even had sex. She was cool with it, she saw it as a challenge, making me come for the first time during sexual intercourse. She was that into me, and so was I of course.
The first time we slept together, we didn’t intent to have sex, but it happened and we got carried in the moment so we had unprotected sex. We trusted each other even though it was just the beggining and we knew each other for about a week. It was my first time without a condom and I always thought that I would come instantly as it would feel amazing. It felt better but not amazing and I didn’t come. It was great as I felt a connection with her but I was disappointed I couldn’t come. But she was so supporting and would tell me to not think about coming, to live the moment. Every time it felt better and better and then came the day that changed everything.
I was in a 30 day nofap streak once more, obsessed at reaching the 90 days thinking that once I got there, every problem would be solved. I relapsed! Yeap! Five seconds of porn, with porn stars not even undressed and I came easier than ever. It didn’t feel enjoyable. It was obvious that my brain was sending a message for orgasm just by opening a tab with porn material. The next day I felt miserable and had a total flatline. I felt awful, she was cool and positive as always and reminded me how many times we’ve had great sex and how many more will come. When I went home I pmo’ed once more. It was a test. I felt nothing, didn’t get hard. This porn was giving me nothing. It was just triggering something that would lead to me coming without even being fully erect.
I decided I’ve had enough and that I finally understand. All the other times I was on a nofap streak, I was afraid I would relapse because I believed that even though it was bad for me, pmo was very enjoyable. Plus I was obsessed with counting days, with the meaning of days, with reading other nofap experiences and with the whole guide to nofap. I found out that none of that mattered. The only things that mattered was me understanding that the real pleasure is with another human being, whom I love and have a real connection. And you may think you understand but many of you don’t and that’s why you struggle. You have to truly think of pmo as the same as watching a CSI episode. It can be intriguing but it’s repetitive, boring and there are so many better things you could do with your time.
So even though I had pmo’ed a day before and had a flatline, the next day when I went to my girlfriend’s house, I knew what I wanted, I left it all at the past, I only thought about how much I love her and got carried away in the moment. I came for the first time in my life during sexual intercourse and it felt incredible, right and not hard at all. I didn’t need an hour; I came in about 15-20 minutes. I’ve had an orgasm every time since and everything is normal.
The whole ED and DE seems already like a year ago, even though it’s only been a couple of weeks. I know I’m cured. I finally am and if you’re wondering, of course I’m not pmoing again. It’s pointless, not really enjoyable and I don’t even have to think about not doing it. I won’t. It’s that simple. It’s no longer in my mind and nor are the days of nofap. Of course I know it’s about two weeks but I won’t care about the time I reach 90 days, 900 or over 9000. I just know I will reach and surpass those numbers and at the same time I’ll continue having healthy sex. Thank you for your time and I hope you’re as lucky as I am to find your perfect match and I also hope that you become masters on your thoughts and your mind in general.
Sorry for any mistakes, OEnglish isn’t my mother tongue)
LINK – Cured ed de (nofap and more)