Im 25. [Why did I try nofap?] Lots of trouble getting off without it or thinking about it. Tons of guilt. Always feeling like I had something to hide. Always feeling tired from being up late, but unable to sleep without PMOing. How has my sex life changed? I’ve learned to truly appreciate how beautiful a woman’s body (my fiancee in this case) is.
It’s amazing how quickly we lose track of that when we are browsing through hundreds of women online. I try more and more to focus on pleasing my fiancee before me, and focus on sex being something more than just trying to get myself to O.
Sex has become either very passionate and intimate, or very very hard and intense (in a good way); and in either case I can just go with it and get turned on by how much I’m into her body.
I did NOT have PIED, in the truest sense, but when I realized I was thinking about women I saw in porn when there was another woman touching me in order to stay hard I realized shit was getting messed up.
The biggest benefit is that it has sparked a lot of honest and open talks with my fiancee about our sex lives and how we can make it healthier.
Feeling great! Still getting urges – but I’ve learned how to control them pretty easily. Doing yoga almost daily. I’ve become very open to talking to people about it (if it is the right situation, of course, not exactly office talk). Excited to hit up the 2018 challenge! Things with my fiancee are great, our sex life has drastically changed.
LINK – 275 days!
UPDATE – 600+ days pornfree, and the challenge of milestones.
Well, I got to 600 days, and then didn’t post about it until 603 today (I try not to go on reddit on the weekend) but either way I did it.
Last week was a real struggle. In my experience the days before milestones (1 year, 500 days, and now 600 days) have been a real challenge to me. I find a little voice inside my head saying ‘You have gotten this far, 1 video wouldn’t hurt.’ I have to assume the same is true of all of us.
We can’t let that little voice inside of us dictate our actions and emotions. I found myself starting to think that all kinds of things were me ‘searching’ for a reason to relapse. For example, I wanted to add my cousin-in-law (Is that a thing??) on Facebook and found this voice saying ‘you only want to add her because she is attractive and you want to relapse.’ I know, in retrospect, that this isn’t true. I wanted to add her because we are setting up a double date with my wife, her, and her boyfriend. I even found the voice telling me ‘you only go on r/pornfree for stories about porn’. What?! I go on pornfree to QUIT porn! The little voice only wants me to relapse and still is trying to get to me. I heard it telling me ‘The fact that you want to relapse means you don’t love your wife enough.’ I know this isn’t true. Part of my reason to quit was because I got engaged. I quit so that she would be the only woman in my life. I had to fight, hard, to tell myself that a relapse would only cause a lot of shame and regret, and that the little voice is lying.
That little voice preys on us in moments of weakness, and coming up on milestones is apparently a moment of weakness for me. I can imagine why it would be for other people as well, if it be a week, a month, a year. But I knew that after coming almost 600 days, I could do another week – and it turns out I could, and now here we are.
I’d like to comment on everyone who doesn’t believe that they can get to even a week – I have been there. I really have. Don’t tell yourself that because you keep relapsing, you aren’t making progress. You are. You’ve already made the biggest step by being here in the first place. Don’t look to people with larger badges and think ‘I’ll never be there’. You can, and you will!
I post this quote a lot on pornfree, but I think it definitely applies every time I post it.
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.” – Ernest Hemingway.
I’ve come 600 days, you’ve come 1 day, but we are in the same struggle together, fighting a day to day battle against pornography. Take steps to commit to being pornfree! The key for me was accountability and honesty. I’d recommend that for everyone. If you haven’t gotten an accountability partner, DO IT. If you haven’t told your SO, DO IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. It will only be harder the longer you don’t do it.
If you find yourself relapsing continuously, you need to try something new in your quitting method. If you keep trying the same thing, you will keep getting the same results!
Good luck to all of us!!!