Just had some reflections that I wanted to share.
I started NoFap about 2 and half months ago, soon after beginning a study abroad in a country where I had no other prior friends.
Here is brief summary of my results. What’s interesting about the study abroad dynamic is that none of the new people I have met got to know me while I was in fap mode. So I am finding that my relationships with them are progressing much faster than they ever did back home. In fact, in these 2+ months, I have become closer to people here than I some of the people I’ve known for YEARS back home. Furthermore, both girls and guys seem to express more interest in connecting with me (in a platonic capacity or otherwise), and I am finding genuine excitement in my schoolwork and other hobbies. I’m not sure if all of this is linked to NoFap rather than living in a new city, but I am certainly much happier now and I refuse to believe that NoFap did not play a big role.
Originally, I went on a streak of 73 days before relapsing last week (not to get controversial, but the bout of depression that led to that relpse was probably tied to result of the U.S. election). When I relapsed, I immediately regretted it. I immediately felt sadder and more timid, to the point where that same day one of my new friends said “You look broken. Is something wrong” when I saw her. The brian fog came back and honestly I’m still feeling some of those effects since the relapse, though I am definitely a lot better. All I know is that this relapse confirmed for me once and for all that PMO is not for me.
Anyway last night I hooked up with a girl I met at a bar. I’ve had had sexual partners in the past (though performance – delayed ejaculation – was one of my main reasons for starting NoFap), but none this attractive, and definitely none that I just picked up at bar. In fact, walking into a bar and just picking up a cute college girl to accompany me home was not something I ever even really viewed myself as capable of doing. I mean, I wanted to be that guy, but I really didn’t believe I could.
Last night proved me wrong. This girl was hot and only here in the city for only one night. There were plenty of other guys in that bar, but we got to talking and after a while she asked to come home with me. I did, and let me tell you guys, the sex was awesome.
What’s interesting though is that now it feels like what was my main goal since I was adolescent boy has been accomplished. For one night at least, I was that guy. This girl didn’t want me for money, or future emotional support (didn’t even exchange contact info), or even a place to stay for the night (she actually went back to her hostel after we finished, as she told me she would before we started). In other words, she wanted me for sex, and only sex. Which at the end of the day is what I always wished for. To be wanted in the way other men are wanted. Subconsciously at least, this is why I thought it was important to work out, study, eat healthy, etc.
But now that that’s accomplished, I am beginning to understand how superficial that goal was. Because now that I have had a glimpse into the part of life I thought I was “missing out on,” I realize that part of life isn’t even really that big a deal. Now it’s the morning after, I am still living my life like any other day. Working out, cooking, studying, etc. This one goal—casual sex—was a worthwhile and enjoyable one, but it should not have structured my attitude on life to such a large extent. There is still so much left for me in this world to accomplish. There are other goals, other objectives, and other adventures waiting for me. I need to focus more on those, and not on sitting around wishing I was Brad Pitt and every woman wanted to sleep with me.
This is a liberating feeling, and I am excited for the road that lies ahead.