I started off like many of you (presumably), seen as introverted, lack of style, or overall poor aesthetics. A kissless virgin, and a bitter depressed cynical narcissist. Oh.. And of course a ragging fapping addict since I was 14. I knew something had to change or I was doomed to suffer a sad and lonely life.
So I started changing myself slowly at the tender age of 20.
First I started to lose weight. After losing quite a bit of weight I looked for other ways to improve myself. I started to take care of my teeth, after that, my hair, skin, etc. By this time my confidence had improved, but it was nothing compared to what was coming in the years ahead of me. After jumping from shitty job to shitty job I finally landed a great construction gig. At this place I worked my ass off and saved up all the money I could. Finally having money (which I didn’t really have before that point), I started spending. I got my car, and I got my vast wardrobe, something I’ve always dreamed about.
Yet… Still.. It just wasn’t enough. I still couldn’t talk to girls the way I wanted to. I would try to break out of my comfort zone multiple times, but would just put myself in the friendzone WILLINGLY! Or, just seem like a virginy weirdo. No matter how many beers or shots, I couldn’t even muster the courage to grab the easiest girl in the place.
One week I had to road trip for my job, and during this road trip I was either driving, having a meeting, or sleeping. So naturally, I had no time to fap. This week was so hectic for me that I didn’t even think about fapping once. Upon my return to my home I felt different. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but I felt good, felt powerful, like I could do nearly anything.
I had this huge urge to call this girl I had a crush on for the longest time, and I did. Something came over me, I just wasn’t myself. I asked her to hang out, and she accepted. It was this time when I recieved my first kiss at the age of 23. We were watching netflix when I suddenly turned super saiyan and turned over to her, looking her in the eyes, and finally did it (kissed her). The rush of dopamine that I recieved was incredible, however I was still very tentative. I was too afraid to touch her in a sexual manner, so I just cuddled with her for the rest of the night. The day after I fapped to porn and all the power I had was gone and she could easily tell I wasn’t the same anymore and distanced herself.
This is when I realized something was wrong. After some serious research on the internet, I finally discovered the greatest thing to ever happen to me: this very subbreddit. It was extremely difficult at first. I relapsed a few times in the beginning after having a few week long streaks. It wasn’t until I hit a 3 week streak that I realized how much power was laying dormant in me (INSIDE ALL OF US FAPSTRONAUTS). I started to see and feel things differently, smell, hear, and even taste. However, during this first 3 week streak, my testosterone spiked in a way I’ve never felt before, mixed with the withdrawl of not fapping I verbally and nearly violently exploded on a good friend of mine. It was after this I relapsed yet again. Now I knew what I had to do, and how to control my out bursts.
At this time I started setting up my cards for the big battle ahead of me. I got a check up with my doctor to see if I was okay. It turned out I was fine, but my vitamin D level’s were low. After some research I found out vitamin D is essential to one’s well being and mood. Now I started supplementing vitamin D and fish oil.
Thus I began my journey, hard mode of course. My plan was to go the full 90 days on hard mode, and at the end, lay conquest at a club or bar.
First 30 days: The first 2 weeks were difficult, triggers everywhere. But I stayed strong, simply knowing the end result would be worth more than 5 seconds of dopamine and days of regret. Whenever I was on the verge of relapsing, I came here and read reports (THIS HELPED ME SO MUCH!) After the first 3 weeks I felt the beginning effects. Mood improved, more energy, and motivation. However still slight brain fog.
60 days: I joined a gym by this time and added creatine to my supplementation. The brain fog was gone by now, and my social skills are better than I ever thought they could be. My vocabulary improved without me even trying, and answers to questions just come to me effortlessly. However, I begin yearning for physicality. Seeing provocative women everywhere tempted me a lot, but I stayed strong, still with the thought of what was on the other side of the rainbow keeping me sane. And coming to this subreddit of course.
Last 30 Days: I have ascended. Ascended into a being that I dreamed of for years. Ascended into a being that I thought only existed in movies. A being that I envied in highschool, and later in society. I can get along with nearly anyone. I feel the complete opposite of nervous around girls. As for guys, they approach me (which they didn’t before) just to chat. Girls the same. Eye contact is the norm for me now as well (which helps a lot with bonding quickly). I have nearly no negative thoughts anymore and my mood is on cloud 9 nearly all day! However, towards the last few days of my no fap journey I started to get excited, knowing what I would do when It was over. This is when I had my first wet dream (maybe day 85 or so). Other than being uncomfortable and sticky, I didn’t feel it effected my psyche at all. Detail of said dream
DAY 90: This was it, all my training came down to this. That night I went to a bar, the complete opposite of nervousness consumed me. I spoke to many girls that night, and many girls spoke to me without even approaching them. It’s as if they could smell the power of no fapness fuming from me. I had to have made out with at least 5 random girls before I settled on the one who I would be going home with. She was very sexy by the way, better than I thought I could ever get. I went back to her place and asked to use her bathroom, I was holding it in the whole way home. When I got out of the bathroom she was already naked sitting on the bed instead of being nervous I was super excited, I nearly couldn’t believe what was happening. I quickly got naked myself and didn’t feel awkward at all, this being the first time another girl had seen me naked. I expected to cum extremely quickly, but shockingly I held my own for about 20 minutes! I was fierce and she loved it. After climax, a wave of euphoria came over me. It was the dopamine mixed with the sense of a serious accomplishment. One of the greatest moments of my life and finally conquering the battle of virginity at the age of 25.
I can see I am a completely different person at this point. No longer a fat depressed cynical narcissist, I feel as if this is only the beginning of what I can and will become. I hope this report helps you my friend. Because I ASSURE YOU, if you follow through, the same if not a better story will happen to you as well!
I couldn’t have made it this far without the help of this community, you guys!
TL;DR: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP-ZwmCPBAs I’m using the pill (NZT) in this clip as a metaphor for nofap.
Here is my first 90 day report >> https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/348oia/90_day_report_death_and_rebirth_a_proprium/
That story has a happy ending. It’s what happens after the ending that starts to become sad.
After finally getting laid, something in me changed. I felt compelled to do it again. As the days went on I started to get a buzz from the reboot, it was like having an IV of oxytocin all day. This lead me to be more and more risky with my actions and decisions. Time started to change, I would live in a single big moment for so long, but then just fast forward to the next big moment. I built a very large weekly schedule for myself. At this point I was hanging out with at least 5 different cliques of friends, it got to the point of scheduling conflicts. I was constantly moving, and I didn’t want to stop. I think that my brain was damaged for so long that I forgot what the world was really like, but thought I was normal the whole time. It’s like being able to hear and see colors for the first time, and it was beginning to overwhelm me. I decided to download tinder. At first I started using it only on weekends. That quickly turned to weekdays. Essentially I became addicted to sex. I simply replaced fapping with another vice. When the well finally ran dry for a day I started to become extremely uneasy, and started to hear the lizard brain talking again. In some way or another I convinced myself to fap, but without porn. I did so, and it was great, but it wasn’t enough. The tunnel vision took over and finally watched porn again after so long. Of course, it became binge PMO. I have relapsed.
- –FIRST 30 DAYS Take 1 (Monk Mode Attempt)
I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would, but I did feel bad none the less. The IV of oxytocin was gone, and my positive thoughts began to fade. I couldn’t keep the same pace and energy in social interactions anymore, no matter how hard I tried to replicate what it once was. One by one my weekly schedule diminished, until I was simply a shut in again. I began edging again around 15 days in. I knew that edging was just as bad as fapping, but I didn’t care, I was extremely jaded. I’ve stopped going to the gym, and started using drugs again. At day 30 (on the dot) I began my daily routine of edging, however this time I went a little harder than I could handle, and came. I tried so hard to make it stop but I couldn’t. When I saw it come out, my world came apart. I haven’t felt that bad in a long time. I couldn’t believe it, but I was beginning to have suicidal thoughts.
- –FIRST 30 DAYS Take 2 (Full Monk Mode)
After a few hours of coping with what had happened, I found a new sense of motivation. I dug deep, but I found a little bit. And with that little bit I began my road to 90 days again. This time going in I have much more understanding, I know exactly what I have to do. The first 2 weeks were no problem, I even felt mild bursts of confidence and energy throughout. Around 18 days I decided to begin working on not fantasizing at all, or ogling women. I did both of these on my previous 90 days trip, and It was only detrimental. The rest of the first 30 days went great, I was extremely motivated to return to my true self.
- – DAYS 30-60
I was able to make it to 32 days after that, nearly no ogling or fantasizing. At 33 days the flatline started to come on. Every day after was progressively worse. Headaches, major fatigue, lack of motivation, and a weak neck with a heavy skull. This continued for the next 8 days or so. This was the most challenging point of these 90 days, it was awful. My first 90 day streak didn’t have a flatline nearly this bad. I stayed resilient throughout, heavily using this subreddit to cope. At around 41 days I started to come down, and at 45 I seemed okay. I wasn’t glowing with energy and confidence, but I was definitely more level headed at this point. I stopped using drugs all together shortly after this. This was challenging in itself, being 100% sober. At around 50 days I felt that I was ready to start exercising again. I jogged 4 days a week and lifted on the 5th, resting on weekends. This proved to be a very effective coping agent dealing with nofap and being free of drugs. I reluctantly started taking cold showers. I didn’t do these in my first 90 day streak, what a mistake that was. Normally I hated cold weather, so a cold shower would be torture to me. And it was! I started using them in 2 minute sessions, using hot water first to clean myself. I desperately counted down the seconds the first 5 times or so (on the coldest water setting). After my first successful cold shower, I felt it. I felt what everyone was talking about. The energy boost, the mild euphoria, it was amazing. By day 60 I was able to take cold showers regularly and wash myself at the same time. All it took was slowly adapting.
- – Days 60-89
I kid you not, but on day 60 I woke up different. I finally felt the oncoming effects of what the reboot once gave me. I knew I wasn’t fully rebooted yet, but repairs were definitely happening. I had good energy and motivation, so I used it accordingly. I repaired old social bonds and started filling my weekly schedule slowly again. By this point wet dreams became more frequent, maybe once every two weeks, sometimes back to back. They didn’t bother me at all mentally, just a pain to clean up. As the days went on I became stronger, more focused. By day 80 I achieved mild enlightenment, I knew who I was. I was completely comfortable with myself, and able to express myself freely. I could talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. By day 88 I felt good simply just being alive, I began looking forward to the days to come. That night I randomly reconnected with a girl I knew years ago, this came completely out of the blue. Those 88 days I didn’t attempt to hit on or search out any women, so I felt the time was right. After talking for a bit we decided to hang out the next day, day 89. Long story short we had sex. And yes, I came quickly, in about 3 minutes (maybe less). But I wasn’t embarrassed, I embraced it. She could tell that I wasn’t ashamed, and she was totally fine with it. This being the first sexual interaction I’ve had in over 3 months, and the only time I’ve came while being awake. Anyway. I was able to get hard again in seconds and was able to go again for much longer. I really wanted to prove I could satisfy her, and I did. This happened last night. After sex I felt good, just plain good, nothing more.
- –DAY 90
I woke up today feeling just fine. I wasn’t craving sex or attention. I honestly wouldn’t care if she doesn’t text me back ever again. I’ve come to the point of knowing exactly what I have to do, and how to do it. No longer needing vices to hold me back. If I happen to find myself in a relationship then so be it, but if not, that is fine also. I’m just looking to improve myself further and further. I don’t feel that same buzz I did the first time around at 90 days. Either my tolerance has changed, or maybe it was placebo. I look forward to see what 120 days will bring, but that’s another story for another time. In closing I want to say, do it. You will wind up being where you want to be in life. You simply have to sacrifice and suffer for a short period time, in order to live in bliss forever.
- –KEY TIPS
- –Cold showers (start at 2 minutes, and work your way up)
- –Stop sexually fantasizing (It will take some time to master it, so don’t worry if you’re struggling with this)
- –Stop ogling women (staring at lady parts)
- –Never edge (edging is worse than fapping, read this article:https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-if-i-use-porn-without-orgasm)
- –Kill a boner by flexing your muscles (preferably leg muscles, but any will do)
- –Exercise (jogging is great, as well as lifting weights. Together is the ultimate)
- –Black coffee (I personally think this is great in moderation)
- –Cutting as much sugar as possible (You probably shouldn’t eat that bowl of cereal)
- –Don’t peak at pictures or sites(Everyone peaks from time to time, but just remember you’re playing a dangerous game, and your brain re-damages every second you view that material.)
- –Try to eliminate all vices in your life(This one sounds grandiose, but try it. You may think it’s not for you, and that’s fine. Just consider the benefits)
- –Write down your goals(google the people from college who write down their goals)
- –Try to have as much fun as possible, and don’t worry about others opinions.
To all my fellow fapstronauts who are currently on their paths to rebooting, I say, god speed.