I unsuccessfully tried to quit masturbating/pornography since I was 12 years old after a close friend’s dad passed away. The thought of him being in heaven and seeing me masturbating brought me shame. I’m now 26 and have tried quitting more times than I can even remember and for many of different reasons.
I feel like it’s important for me to share my experience because I don’t see many posts where I can relate to the person posting. I am a college graduate with a degree in Mathematics, I have the most wonderful girlfriend(and incredibly sexy) in the world who I plan to make my wife, I’m very outgoing, have many friends, have been very successful with girls/women since I’ve been sexually active. Life is good but my problems with PMO have prevented me from having a great and truly amazing life.
Let me start with the bad:
- Unrealistic sexual expectations and objectifying of females
- A pinched nerve that goes from my neck to my fingers in my masturbation hand
- Procrastination(How I made it through college is beyond me)
- Brain fog and ADHD
- Loss of motivation to be active
- Habitual lying to cover up my insecurities and failures
- Poor communication with my GF, family, and friends
I know you’ve heard all those things before and those things seem to magically disappear when I stop PM(Still O due to my relationship). While I still am working to repair some of the damage that is done, all of those things have decreased over time and are becoming extinct. But that’s not all…
- Amazing sex with my GF. When I would fap, if I ever wanted to have sex with my GF, I had to initiate it and it often felt like we had sex because it’s what healthy relationships should do. Not anymore, she wants me more and often can’t keep her hands off me(even when she didn’t know I wasn’t fapping).
- Amazing relationship with my GF, seriously, I want to hear about her day and I want to tell her about my day. I’m much more engaged and in turn she’s more engaged with me.
- I’m even better in social situations, I’m funnier, have less rambling conversations, maintain better eye contact and body language, can read other’s body language more clearly.
- The want/need for social interactions, when my dad calls I pick up the phone instead of letting it go to voicemail, text me friends to hang out, and want to text my girlfriend throughout the day.
- The ability to clearly explain my thoughts and ideas. (Makes me much more valuable at work)
- Being able to face my fears and share my accomplishments with others.
It’s crazy, I used to think it felt good so I’m going to do it. Then things that were supposed to feel good didn’t feel as good and things that were supposed to bring me down brought a feeling of apathy. I thank you /r/nofap without this sub I might not have ever convinced myself to stop and for that I’m grateful.
If you’re having trouble, tried stopping a thousand times and can’t seem to kick it. Sit down and write yourself a goal. Here was my first goal, “No viewing of pornography and no masturbation for 28 days.” That’s it. 28 days was so I had something to aim for, something to reach. It’s very important that you include a duration so you have something to aim for and remember after 28 days you can always renew your goal for another duration of time. I also listed why I wanted it, what I should avoid, What will help me achieve my goal, and a reward for when I accomplish my goal(Baseball game with my GF). If you don’t know what you’re trying to exactly achieve, how will you ever achieve it? Write it down, keep it close, and meet your goal. It might just change your life. Thanks for listening!