I’ve been doing NoFap “Hard Mode” on and off for a number of years and I decided to really make a go of it during a moment of clarity earlier this year. I was fapping the night away and I thought to myself “What the fuck am I actually achieving here, I’m 26, time to Man Up”. So I closed my browser and that was that; another journey to self-resolve. But it’s not that action which gets you there, it’s not even having the thought of doing it, it’s actually the small daily steps of improvement you take day in, day out to get there.
I’ll skip over the usual experiences of desire, noticing women and mental battles, it’s been said ad infinitum, I can’t offer any guidance that hasn’t been already said but I want to share the things that meant more to me.
I battled with Brain Fog early on whilst I was applying for jobs, I had a terrible bout during a second interview(!) but I smashed the third interview a week later due to the Fog lifting. I’ve had my new job for nearly three months and the ability to absorb information thanks to this clearer head has been astounding. I have a happy, calm
A big part of Porn for me was escaping reality, just like Alcohol, Weed and Computer Games “helped” achieve the same escape. I began a lifestyle change:
- Heavy Cardio Exercising (Cycling in my case, love it – Road or MTB)
- Socialising with friends
- Stopped drinking at home
- Stopped procrastinating on the computer
- Massively reduced computer gaming to a once a week or fortnightly affair (I now no longer play, but who knows what the cold, dark nights of winter will bring – but it’s not important)
- Reading books/material of how to deal with a sense of worthlessness and loneliness that had plagued me for my entire life and how the male mind works differently to the perceived social norms.
After doing these changes over three months I’ve learnt to enjoy life brings, whatever I do, I enjoy it. Porn was such a stimulating and rewarding activity that nothing else stacked up in comparison, when you remove this constant dopamine-hit your brain learns to enjoy any other activity. I’ve also come to accept who I am as a person, I have my flaws and I wear them with confidence. I no longer hide them or myself away and I always bestow positivity and pride with who I am but I never stop trying to improve myself. This was the biggest thing for me and is the one thing people really need to learn, a positive happy person can achieve anything he wants.
Many people have commented on the stark change in me over the last few months, I just tell them it’s exercise. Dam it feels good.
As is often experienced and discussed here, when you remove the chemical imbalance on your brain that over stimulation brings you start to feel more comfortable in yourself and you bestow this confidence onto others and especially women. I’ve had relationships in the past but I’ve had a two year dry spell. Tinder has been great in restoring confidence, having fun and getting off. Before I continue I had a spell of online dating and I was finding the pictures of women was effecting my recovery, if you’re not ready just stick with physical interaction with women (it will also probably give better end results too).
There’s just one problem I’ve found, Hyper-Sensitivity in my penis, seriously two minuets and I’m done. My little fella has had no love so that anything touching it now and it blows. When I was younger I would have strangled the bishop before going out it would have removed any early firing issues. But I now cannot do that, or can I? I tried a numbing condom last night, totally killed my boner, my booty call was not impressed. I’ve tried pelvic floor exercises but I’m not seeing the expected results. I’ll continue with them as it will benefit in the long run but next time I’m going to blow a load using only physical stimulation (no Porn or Fantasy). It’s going to be very hard to as we’re programmed to need mental stimulation. Don’t let this factor into your journey, it’s a personal issue for me and I’ll fix it, it may not effect you, you lucky bastard.
My journey hasn’t been that hard in all honesty, I’ve done NoFap stints before and I think this has made it easier as I wasn’t going from the depths of addiction to escape, but keeping busy is paramount (procrastination is not busy!). If you are beating yourself up each time you relapse then just keep going. Change your targets try 7 days, 14, 21 but never ever rationalise your desires, it’s not natural and it’s not good for you: Always reject it and small steps.
I’ll be honest that I don’t really need the NoFap sub any more, it’s helped me and I hope I’ve helped others. It doesn’t give me anything that I don’t already have, it just encourages procrastination. I’d like to come back every now and again and offer reassurance and guidance from those just starting out but a healthy person doesn’t need the hospital once they’re better, they need to make room for others.
LINK – My not-so-perilous journey, Tinder and hyper-fucking-sensitivity