I’ve lived with suicidal thoughts since I was a little kid, around 12 or 13, coincidentally the same time I began masturbating to porn. I used to fantasize over death, of how to kill myself, of what other people would say after I died.
“Oh, him? Yeah, he killed himself last year.”
“It sucks, man. I miss him.”
“Fuck him, god damn selfish prick.”
You get the gist. I even went to therapists to try and solve these issues, but no dice. I’d just have to deal with them, and not give in, that’s what I told myself, just hang in there for your family and friends, nothing else you can do. I’d have to deal with the thoughts every night before going to bed. It was quite painful now that I look back at it.
It wasn’t just the suicidal thoughts though, there were also a whole host of other issues that have calmed down since starting NoFap.
Now, I wholeheartedly believe porn was the reason, because for around 12 years I dealt with that shit, 2 years after starting NoFap, my suicidal thoughts have disappeared. Gone, completely gone. Also, they tend to come back whenever I end up relapsing consecutively, e.g. fapping every 2-3 days for 2 weeks or more
But now, I don’t fantasize, I don’t want to die, I want to live.
Currently 26. Other benefits would include:
- Lack of beating myself up all the time, which in turn has lead to higher self-esteem
- Higher concentration on hygiene
- Having the motivation to exercise every now and then
- More energy, don’t feel so dead all the time
- Thinking about self-improvement often
- Easier to converse with friends
- Don’t feel so ashamed of myself
So, I’m curious, have any of you experienced something like this?
And is there some science behind this? Is there a reason why my suicidal thoughts have stopped or is this all just one big coincidence?