I found this place and started Nofap on a whim; I even tried to get a few friends to join me. Upon my asking, each and everyone of them proceeded to make fun of me and rip me apart in front of others. Obviously as an ambitious male, that wasn’t enough to deter me; a solo journey seemed refreshing and my friends’ collective laughter at my expense made me grin a little and just think “watch this”.
I started nofap in March 2014, approximately 2 months after my girlfriend of 6 years dumped me over the phone. I remember being so severely depressed and blaming myself for the death of the relationship. I can freely admit that, while she was incredibly selfish and demanding, I too was at fault for letting my sexual attraction to her fade away due to a shameful (and quiet) porn addiction. After she left, I realized that, because of porn and mindless internet browsing, I was just a flat-out boring person. I devoted all my free time to her; after she left, it quickly became apparent that (a) I had no real friends (b) I had no real hobbies (c) I had no interesting stories in my life. In short, I was simply an out of shape, boring guy who worked a 9-5 job.
In the 2 years of doing this my streaks have typically averaged 25 days, with the highest being around 46 days. I would obviously like to have a much longer streak, and I continue to work to the standard 90 day goal. I find that I succumb to failure when I’m bored or feeling lonely. The main thing I learned from relapse is that, while it’s not a desirable outcome, the bigger mistake is to spend too much emotional energy beating myself up over it. In spite of any notable long streaks, here’s a list of tangible things I’ve accomplished since I started:
- Career: Promoted twice at work. Top ranked analyst in my division 2 years in a row, promoted to a much more senior role as a result. I am the youngest “senior guy” on my floor by at least 10 years. Along with these promotions have come substantial pay increases, enabling me to pursue hobbies that were previously out of reach to me financially.
- Healthy Food Consumption: At the beginning: 134 pounds, 22% body fat. Body composition today: 151 pounds, 12.9% body fat. I’d argue that this is my biggest accomplishment. I crafted a standardized diet and systemized my meal prep to last approx 10 days. I’d freeze all of the food and put them in plastic bags; whenever I’d go to work or out for the day, I’d simply just take my food with me and find a microwave to heat the meals up. I’d also eat out a bit to keep things mixed up, but I’d stay consciously aware of the composition of what I’m ordering, consistently going for food with high protein, healthy carb, and healthy fat content. I’ve done this for over a year now consistently and can tell you that this step basically skyrocketed my quality of living simply from the mental and physical boost I got from healthy consumption. I have to say that this is a cornerstone of my improvement and things would be a lot harder without this eating style.
- Weightlifting/Working Out: For working out, I followed two basic rules: (a) first stand naked in the mirror and check on the general look and design of my body before I go to the gym. When bulking up, don’t worry about excess body fat. When cutting, attack excess body fat religiously through consistent lifting and correct eating style. Follow a workout split, but feel free to deviate and focus on muscles that appear smaller/weaker than others. (b) When lifting, don’t write anything down. Instead, start counting your reps when it starts to burn and aim for an additional 3-5 reps.
- Other Physical Improvements: Decided to get metal braces at 25 years old, just got them off at 27 years old. Smile has improved by leaps and bounds. It’s crazy to think that I put braces on as an adult, especially metal ones. Somehow, it never made me feel self conscious. I credit this to the confidence and discipline I got from nofap.
- Grooming Habits: I began to actually focus on how I look and the image I give off to others. Before I would simply walk around in public in ratty gym clothes and never once gave a damn about my disheveled appearance. Now, dressing with subtle style in mind combined with a far more muscular physique has yielded enormous social benefits. For this, I simply would look at pictures online, ask my newly made female friends to shop with me, or just show up at a mall on a random low traffic day and just start trying to stuff on for hours until something seemed to look right. Again, nofap actually catalyzed my motivation to do this; like I said, before this all I never, ever cared about how the world perceived me.
- World Travel: I’m American — I’ve solo backpacked through Japan for several weeks, and also explored North India for 3 weeks. I’m going to Mexico next week for several days, and also finalizing a trip to North Europe next month where I expect to solo journey through Denmark, Norway, Iceland, and Sweden. I’ve also preparing to test my new physical conditioning by climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania sometime in September. Nofap helped here because it made me fearless about traveling and exploring the world alone. Before I would say “I’ll just go with my wife when I get married or a group of friends.” Now I say with a grin, “Ooh good deal on a flight. It’s now or never.”
- Hobbies: I’ve taken extended training in the following hobbies (all started since I got dumped): 5 day training for Basics of Sailing, 4 months of Dance lessons (tango, salsa, waltz, cha cha, etc.), PADI certified scuba diver, road biked with a casual group on the weekends and biked as many as 50 miles, competitive pool player and wannabe pool shark at my favorite local bar, became a decent bowler (upped score from a paltry 75 to a high of 175). I’d say that nofap catalyzed my success in the hobby space because it restored my childlike curiosity. I remember not caring about learning anything when I was PMOing constantly. All of a sudden, I can’t wait to jump into the process of learning the fundamentals of various life skills. The change is drastic, really.
- Family: I feel so much more appreciative of my mom, dad, and brother. It’s as if some emotions that laid dormant were finally activated; I can now say that I honestly love that I have a family that cares for me and that I’d easily die for each and every one of them. Before, I simply took them for granted and never cared so much. Now I call them as frequently as possible and try to listen intently to the stories of their lives. In turn, they love to hear of all my new accomplishments because it motivates the hell out of them and makes them so proud of me. In the end, everything I do is for them.
- Friends: Just as others have said, something about nofap makes you magnetically more attractive. In the time since my break up, I’ve literally doubled my friend count on FB (350 before breakup, 850 today). In addition to a sheer increase in my socializing, I’ve also developed some really quality friendships with several core groups. We have private group chats, hang out when time permits, and stay in touch via text and phone calls. I learn so much from them and try to motivate them to chase their dreams as well. These people have completely changed my life and helped me forget the loneliness that dominated my mind after my breakup.
- Women: This has been the most interesting benefit, by far. I’ve been able to attract an astonishingly high number of women (and, unintentionally, gay males) across all age groups. I can offer up details of my range of positive interactions with females, but instead I’ll just say that the best way to meet and attract women into your life is to become the man you were destined to be. For starters, look at my categories that I laid out above and think about what you’ve accomplished in each of those spaces. Accomplishment and confidence speak very loudly through body language, and make no mistake, women intuitively know if you’re a top tier male when you walk into the room. I wouldn’t say I’m top tier just yet, but I won’t hide that I am working toward it every day. Unfortunately, this pursuit can also attract crazy women who want to take advantage of you or deter otherwise-amazing women who are simply intimidated by you. Just remember that, no matter how much success you find, remain a humble and benevolent leader. Women can sense those traits quite easily as well.
I could go on forever, but all I really want to say is thank you to this community. I know there’s a lot of angst in this forum sometimes, but just remember that any place that attempts to consistently perpetuate the pursuit of goodness and personal actualization is a worthwhile place to be. I’ve learned so much from you all in my good and bad times. The road is bumpy and the world can be an unkind place, but if you never forget why you’re doing something and always try to be a beacon of light for others that are lost in the darkness, then you’ll rapidly achieve personal greatness in your short time on this earth.
Ask me questions, I’m happy to help anyone or provide more info.