I got a wonderful girlfriend and we’ve been together for 6 months. It may not sound like much but I’ve only had 1 girlfriend and I was 17, I’m 27 now. So if you’re trying to change by not fapping and improving your life just so you can get a girlfriend, STOP. Do it for yourself.
Why should you change your goals and keep women out of your mind? Because dating is difficult. A lot of women you approach will not like you but only because you aren’t their type, not because something is wrong with you. I didn’t realize that at first so whenever I put myself out there I would get rejected which led me to watch tons of porn and then jerk it 10 times per day.
You will get rejected a lot but everyone gets rejected. Even millionaires and super athletes will get rejected which is perfectly normal. However, when we’re in recovery we are sensitive, scared, and have little comprehension on how the world works. It’s obvious because we’ve spent years in a dark room watching porn and masturbating.
So change your goals, don’t do it for the girl/guy, do it for yourself. What do you want out of life? Are you unhappy with your career? Do you want to finish school? Do you want to get fit? Is there something you want to improve? Perfect! Work on that!
For example, I hated everything about myself (including a boring love life but let’s talk about it later). I had a shitty job, I nearly weighed 300 pounds, I had no friends, and I still drove my mom’s minivan. I was super jealous of my fit brother who had a new girlfriend every month, blah, blah.
Long story short, I started exercising, saving money, and got a new job so I can get a girl to like me. I put myself out there, got rejected, and went back to square one.
So I said, “Fuck it, I don’t need the approval of a woman and I’m going to change my life for me.” I realized I need to love myself and I want to have fun. That was 2 years ago and now I feel like my life has changed indefinitely.
I have a great job, I have a good car and sold the minivan, I don’t have a ton of friends but I do have a few good friends which is enough for me. I’m currently having the best summer of my life with my girlfriend and my friends. Two weeks ago we got away to a resort. We drove 2 hours and I spent the entire weekend with her. I never thought that I would sleep with a girl, not sex, but actually cuddling and sleeping with a girl. Waking up to her embracing me is awesome. And for some reason, she’s so interested in me. She always wants to hang out and she’s introduced me to all of her friends and family. It’s amazing being able to connect to a girl emotionally.
Also, I’m no longer fat. In fact, I’m currently training for a marathon and will finish my third marathon in October. How did this happen? I did it for me and not for a girl. It wasn’t easy because it’s taken me 2 years to get where I am. Although difficult, it’s easier to do it for yourself comparing to doing it for a girl.
You can do it, you can change. You can be happy. It’s all up to you. If you want to be happy you have to learn to love yourself because if you don’t love yourself, no one else will.