The last 5 times I’ve been with a woman now, I’ve achieved a beautiful erection every time, and I’ve ejaculated each time. Since I became sexually active, about 3 years ago, I had never achieved either a strong erection, or could ejaculate with a woman.
However, I could do with porn (up to 6 times a day in fact). Because of this website, I realised the kind of problem I had.
I’m 27 years old. I’ve written more about my past experiences in my old posts if anyone’s interested.
The main things I think helped me.
The realisation of what sex actually is.
This to me, is the absolute crucial point. Looking back I realise how much porn had fucked up my perception of sex. I always knew it had distorted my view of sex, but I didn’t actually realise how much it had until this point. It’s quite astonishing.
The first thing you need to do is unhook your sexual pleasure away from visual stimulation. Literally, I had only ever been used to getting turned on by pictures and videos of women and transexuals on the Internet, all my life. For me that WAS my sexuality. I’m sure it’s the same for other men of my generation who grew up with porn on tap. My cock only knew how to get hard from this kind of visual stimulation.
I remember when I first started sexual interactions with women; I used to feel that I would be more comfortable just masturbating over them than actually having a two-way sexual experience. The whole thing was completely foreign to me. I had no idea how to get pleasure from sex; I’d only been used to getting off by watching shit on the computer.
Getting used to what sex actually is, was maybe the key breakthrough for a serious addict like I was.
I realise now, that for deeply satisfying sex, you need to shift focus from visual simulation, to all your other senses. It’s amazing how much pleasure there is to be found there.
I know this will turn a lot of people away, but meditation seriously fucking works for this kind of thing. So often it’s tied into spiritual and ‘new-age’ contexts, which make many people think it’s all airy-fairy non-sense that has no scientific merit. This really isn’t the case.
Meditating helps me do 2 things. Relax when I feel anxious, and experience fully, the pleasurable and erotic sensations that can be found in my own body during sex…both of these are essential for making your penis hard without visual (porn) stimulation.
If you find tapping into the sensations in your body difficult, try some meditation technique. It really help me overcome my ED. I’d recommend Jon Kabat-Zinn’s ‘Body Scan’ guided meditation to start with. Easily found online.
So I rebooted for 3 months. Which was a very positive experience that I’d recommend to anyone. Not masturbating helps you regain sensitivity, and helps fade more unusual fetishes created by porn addiction. In my case it was transsexuals. However for me, rebooting alone wasn’t the miracle cure. I still found that there was work to be done after that. And it’s taken me a year without porn, exploring my sexuality to get my cock working as it should.
It is essential to rewire with real women. But also to rewire on your own.
After my reboot, I found practicing masturbation without porn was essential in training myself back into getting turned on naturally. This kind of thing helped me: When you masturbate, start rubbing your cock and just focus on how that feels. Realise that simply rubbing your cock feels amazing (even without imagining gang bangs, or shemales, or whatever).
The pure sensation you feel there is the kind of sexual pleasure that you’re looking for when you’re having sex with a woman. The pleasure is the feeling itself, and exploring and working with these sensations is fundamental to getting your dick hard. A book that really helped me was The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia. Once I was used to getting turned on (and hard) by myself, getting erect with a sexy girl in my bed becomes so much easier, as you can imagine!
Addressing my performance anxiety
I’m confident that most people on here experience performance anxiety as well as PIED.
I certainly did. I always thought ‘oh god, I’m not getting hard again, what will she think!’ at the start. This certainly doesn’t help anything. You really need to just relax and take the pressure of your cock. To do this, practice focussing on other things – how sexy her hair smells, how warm her pussy is, how good her lips taste, how great your chest feels with her lying on top of you, how smooth her legs are, how great your back feels as she rubs her hands down it.
If you practice getting pleasure from these kinds of sensations your cock will get hard from them.
In addition to this, I was always worried about being ‘good in bed’; I always focussed on trying to pleasure her before me. This is a good attitude, but to be a good lover, you have to be horny yourself first. And to get horny, you need to do to her what you want.
I remember seeing programs like Sex and the City and thinking how women must be so picky about sex. I was paranoid that I was using too much tongue when kissing, focussing too much on one part of her body, etc. Let go of all that thinking. If you want to … start licking her all over, whatever, DO IT. Sex is for both your pleasure, equally.
You’ll be surprise about how it comes across too. Women want to feel desired, and knowing they’re turning you on will turn them on! Practicing this kind of sexuality was key to tuning in to real sex for me. The reboot was just the start. Now I’m so much more confident in bed. It’s a great feeling having a hot woman in bed next you and having your cock throb for her.
In summary, if you’re a healthy guy, the key to getting over the PIED is (in my opinion) –
- Reboot without masturbation, it’s certainly helps you rebalance your sexuality
- Don’t watch porn (EVER)
- When you feel you can, explore the pleasure you can find in your body without visual stimulation
- Do the things that turn you on when having sex
- Relax and enjoy
I’m not very good at writing, but hopefully this will give you an idea of how I’m getting over this problem! There is light at the end of the tunnel.
It’s all about attitude! Good luck!
BY – uknofapper
I’ve just had an amazing experience.
This is in reference to this (already been posted on here) article –
I’ve already written about my gradual recovery from ED and porn addiction on this forum, but I feel I still have more to say on the meditation aspects of my recovery.
One of the key tools for me in overcoming the anxiety, ED and addiction related to porn use has been meditation. I’ve been practicing it over a year now, and it really is bringing immense joy to my life.
I originally started practicing it to try help the depression and paranoia I was facing as a porn addict. And also to help combat sexual performance anxiety with women. It has been fundamental to my recovery in these aspects.
However, as I am now pretty much recovered from my porn related problems, I’ve started to experiment with meditation in a sexual/tantric sense.
I saw the article above posted on here a while ago, and since I was already interested in meditation, I was obviously fascinated by it.
Over the last few months, I’ve been incorporating sexuality into my standard daily meditations. As suggested in the article, I’ve been practicing concentration on my genital area. I’ve started my usual meditation routine, and towards the end, when I’m 100% relaxed and in the right state of mind, I shift my focus to my cock and the sensations found there.
Once you’ve been practicing meditation for a while, and you have developed an increased awareness of the sensations to be found in your body, you notice that your genital area is literally radiating with pleasurable sensations and warmth.
The more you meditate on these sensations, the more intense they become.
I’ve just had a very deep meditation session this morning, focusing primarily on my cock.
It’s taken me a lot of practice to get to this stage, but the pleasure I was getting by carefully tuning into my dick actually started to make it go hard. It first just started stirring slightly, but the more I enjoyed the sensations and focussed in on them, the more blood came into it, the more the pleasure increased.
After a good while my cock was 100% hard, I couldn’t believe it!
At this stage I collapsed face down on the bed (I was sat crossed legged on it before), and the sensation of the bed pushing on my cock caused me to have a long intense full body orgasm, maybe the best of my life.
(This element was helped by reading Mantak Chia’s ‘The multi-orgasmic man’)
I didn’t ejaculate, but there was a small amount of pre-cum on my cock.
This happened around an hour ago, and I literally feel amazing. One because there’s a beautiful sexual energy running through my body.
But two, because of the fact that I’m a former long term PIED sufferer, who has just achieved an erection with no touching or fantasy at all. Who knew it could be done. It really is a great feeling.
So I guess what I’m saying is, that article on how meditation can cure psychologically ED is definitely worth reading. However, it does take an incredibly focussed yet relaxed state of mind, it’s not easy, and it’s taken me time practicing meditation to get to this stage, but you can reach it! And obviously, removing porn from your life is a must.
I would have never have even believed this was possible, but now I ‘masturbate’ without even touching myself, or fantasiziing about sex. The natural sensations in your body are enough to ‘get you off’. You just need to train your mind to respond to them.
Seriously, meditation is fucking amazing.