I am married for 1.5 years and I have a baby. I was a hard-fapper as long as I remember myself. When I was having sex with my wife who, by the way, is beautiful and super hot, also very caring and affectionate, I had to imagine lesbians or other girls to be able to ejaculate.
Some days were so awful. I did not get erection so I had to blame it on some bad circumstances like fatigue. Then I would just seclude myself in the dining room, browse some porn, opening them tab by tab and fapping. After having my dose of brain fog, shame and anxiety, I would go and sleep scolding myself for lack of stong will.
I never believed that real sex can be so refreshing. When I had artificial sex with my wife, I was getting headache and weakness. Sometimes my wife would feel so bad when craving for sex. So two months ago I decided to take back my life.
At that time I started reading ”The Power of Now” by Tolle. The book really opened my eyes wide. I really never adhered to some programs like abstaining myself from fapping for 90 days or some hard mode unfapping periods. I just needed time to pull myself together, to understand that all those fantasies were fake and as a breadwinner I had to be a role model for my daughter. I love her a lot.
So I did not masturbate for 30 days. I had many bad moments. I had stormy cravings and my dick was in pain. But I never knocked off my course. Why do that then feel bad? I learnt to face the problems and to solve them.
So after 30 days on the day 31 I had sex with my wife at Christmas night. I was like a beast. I never thought sex can be so blissful. So today I had sex again with my wife and it was indescribable. I feel human, I feel good. I feel real……. I won PMO.
FOLLOW-UP: How I cured my erectile dysfunction.
I am 27 years old. I am married and I have a baby. I was a hard fapper with tons of suicidal thoughts, self-inflicted illnesses, lifelong bullings and also I was overweight. The light at the end of the tunnel for me was just a train and I was waiting my turn to go under it. Whole my life I was feeling the guilt for the death of my Father though I had nothing to do with his death. I was living with overprotective mother who was a dictator and as I now understand had a fixed idea to protect me even at the cost of my mental sanity. This is enough to understand my situation.
It all started three months ago, when I could not have sex with my wife.
Everyone was astonished and perplexted when I married my wife. She is super hot, gorgeous, Kim Kardashian style woman and she loves me. I saw her on Facebook. Her pictures were driving me crazy. She had many followers. And one day I wrote to her and she answered. It was so simulatneous. She fell in love with me even though I was not her true match if socially measured. We married and for the first time I had a sex with her. Then she got pregnant and now I have a daughter. While having sex with her I had to fantasize about lesbians or other girls to get my dick hard. And at one point I felt that I was frozen and I did not want a sex with her. She was starting to think that she was unattractive for me or I had a secret lover. That was ruining our marriage. I had to do something. Before I used to motivate myself with help of some quotes which if broken down will mean one thing: If you want to feel happy, do something to feel happy.
So what I did.
1. I started identifing my triggers. If I were in bed or on sofa, I wanted to fap. If I was alone in the room, I was opening porn sites and fapping. I was watching porn that even did not come closer to my sexuality. I deleted all nude pics of models from my iPhone. I was not staying alone in the room. One of the things that helps to start talking to someone even if it is your neighbor whom you have borrowed some money. I was always talking. Just do not talk to yourself. If you are not cured your inner dialogue will eventually land you on your bed.
2. I signed up for NoFap. I started writing my life story and sharing with others. I was very sinsere. I was covering all the obnoxtious and nasty details of my life. It helps, when you do it. Those thoughts are there because we are hiding them. Once they are out, they dissolve.
3. Meditation. I was meditating to get myself to understand the vainglory of porn and meaninglessness of those thoughts. They are just meaningless. They have nothing in common in reality. Once we face our insecurities and choose another path we will understand that simple formula.
4. I started to look at my babe’s face (it is funny but believe me). When I was looking at her and she was looking back at me. It taught me one thing; I have to be brave to be a role model for her. If you have someone or something that is very precious for you, just look at it and feel that moment. My friend always takes time to look at his dream car. It helps him to stay on track.
5. My time limit was only 30 days. No offence, but how long you should be on hard-mode to start having sex. I know some guys (believe me, I respect them a lot) who are on hard mode for two years. And they won’t have sex. My solution is to abstain from fapping for 30 or 40 days and then start having sex. The purpose is not to come but feel the body, rubbing, touches, kissing. Just do not rush.
6. Read the books. This is up to you.
- The power of now.
- The clockwork Orange.
- Brave new world.
7. Constantly remind yourself that why should I do it if it is bad??? What is got is improved eye contact. I am energetic. I QUITTED SMOKING. I gave up biting my nails. I was doing that for 24 years. I do not eat sweets, drink coffee.
It is a miracle but achievable miracle fully measurable. No one should suffer in the hands of porn makers. I have a friend who told me that the porn investors do not even watch the movies they create. They just count money. I think it is offensive. And we should strip them of that pleasure.
After I got out of this, I blame noone and I know I am in charge for myself. You can do that. Please, do it and make the world safer place but making yourself aligned with the nature and universe.