I learned a great deal in the approximate year and a half of disbelief, denial, internal fighting, and consistent relapse battles it took to get here. 100 days was a big goal of mine.
I was a bit of an extreme case having PMO’d multiple times per day with Internet porn for 14 years. It’s been a massive part of my life for half my existence but no more. 100 days you have officially been obliterated.
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I’ve lurked here for a while and just had to share with you guys/gals.
Thanks guys appreciate the support.
I’d say the biggest top five positive benefits I have seen so far would be:
- First, I am greatly less emotionally compromised by most any situations now. In other words I have gained a good deal of emotional control. Before there were HIGH HIGHS and…low…lows, now it’s a great deal more even which is a huge positive.
- Second, I have gained a great deal in the ability to make decisions. I used to be very indecisive, now and I just realized this now that I’m typing this, I can’t remember the last time I struggled with that in the past month or two.
- Third, I used to never notice women in person, now it’s impossible to not notice women in person. This is overwhelming at first and you’re like “wow I want to hump everything that moves I can’t handle this” but you do get used to it and it calms into manageable feelings. You eventually acclimate to what it’s truly like to be a male in society amongst females. This was a huge curse at first but it’s a big positive once you acclimate.
- Fourth, my ability to stick with decisions or stick to a disciplined regimen of sorts has increased by leaps and bounds. You could tie that into will power. It has spilled over to all other aspects of my life. I never miss a workout, never miss a study session, never miss a bed time, everything is exponentially more diligent in my life than it was before and not by me forcing it, it just fell into place that way.
- Fifth and finally, my pleasure centers are not as numbed as they were before. It was tough at first because things got worse. I couldn’t sleep without waking up 10-15 times a night for about the first 75 days in a row. You just have to basically keep going. I was moody and very angry at a great many things and it was uncharacteristic of me. This eventually has subsided and I now feel a greater peace, calm, and sense of well-being than I can remember feeling. Don’t get me wrong I have my days and I’m still not done rebooting because I still crave but things are vastly improved.
Ocguy: No problem at all I registered to share and learn more as well.
You’re going to have a lot of ups and downs. Feeling dead down there, not caring about sex at all in any shape or form for what will feel like forever, being intensely horny so bad you can barely concentrate on anything else (those are the dangerous times and frustrating times so enjoy your dead feelings while they last), and having great days then a crappy day, up and down, it’s not linear. The best thing to do is to let it run its course, don’t try to analyze it so hard every day just sit back and let the days go. No matter how dead you feel down there, you’re certainly not dead down there trust me.
The reason for me finding yourbrainonporn is directly due to ED. Every relationship I ever had I experienced ED problems. From not being able to penetrate at all to being able to penetrate and stay erect for a couple minutes at best. Don’t even mention oral, being on bottom for sex or etc, no response at all, wasn’t enough stimulation. I used to imagine porn scenes while I was having sex in order to try to maintain a weak erection. I lost a marriage over this also. I’m now remarried to a beautiful supportive wife.
I tried all the ED drugs. I went to a urologist 5-6 times and they all said nothing wrong physically. Does this sound familiar? I tried sex therapists, they said it was sexual anxiety, yeah, didn’t workout well there either. Turns out the truth as we know now was the dulled pleasure response perpetuating impotency perpetuating the anxiety via operant conditioning (fancy way of saying you learned to fear that you might not be able to have an erection and potentially humiliate yourself and your partner). I’m sure a lot of us have ridden that lovely roller coaster a few times.
Well, into my second marriage I ran into a guy at school and he said “I’m really embarrassed I’m addicted to porn” and I immediately knew “oh my god, so am I…”. It was like a big light switch came on and I began searching on the net and found yourbrainonporn. I’ve made every mistake you could possible make, trust me. It took me about a year to be able to go more than a month without relapse. I finally made it to my biggest goal of 100 days and just recently set a new goal of 180 days.
What you’re likely wondering is, “for the love of god does the ED get better or am I torturing myself for no reason?!”, I wondered that too. The answer is kind of then yes. What you’re going to experience likely is once you do engage in sex your brain is like “what the hell” and is not used to actual sex as it’s primary way of being sexual. That’s the “rewiring” process. You also will be re-sensitizing yourself to actual sex. Death grip masturbating sound familiar? I did it too, sex is no where close to that and that’s a good thing because sex after reboot and rewire feels WAY BETTER, can’t even describe it into words even.
So there will be a rewiring process where you may sputter and have a few backfires but eventually you fire on all cylinders. Zero ED, I don’t even have to think about. In fact I can think to myself “man I hope my erection doesn’t go down, wow, it’s still not going down and I’m not even focused on sex, wow, yep…still there……….yep”.
In fact I was exercising on the treadmill today and had a thought of a woman I saw earlier and got almost a full on erection while exercising out of breath with zero physical stimulation. I didn’t know that could even happen past the age of 15. At 28, that’s pretty badass. I should say that as I obviously do not allow myself to P, I also do not M and never will again. If a woman is not available to share sex with it isn’t happening, that’s a rule I have. Also I haven’t O’d as well and will not for another 80 days. When I did get sexual again it started out just touching lightly and slowly has been built up to more, very slowly though, gradual rewiring.
It’s worth it, for 100 reasons other than ED also.
I hope this has helped, anyone feel free to ask anything.
Ocguy – that’s awesome, you’ve just barely begun to experience the positives. All you have to do is not give up and success is unstoppable. It really is that simple. This stuff is way more simple than we make it. We have the knowledge now of what has held is back and that can never be unlearned. We know exactly what to do to defeat it. Now success is unavoidable and it’s just a matter of time.
I would add one thing and this is purely speaking from personal experience; if I were you I wouldn’t test myself. If you want to test, find a woman to test you (ie making out, etc, that’s a REAL test). Even then I wouldn’t do that until at least two months in. What do you do if you want to get better at something? You practice that something that you want to get better at. Do you want to get better at masturbating or having sex? I mean you really have to divert yourself from giving in to wanting to sexually stimulate yourself artificially or see how things are going down there. Basically pretend like you really are dead from the waist down for a while and “forget” about it.
I personally believe making your penis completely forget what it feels to have porn and for you to masturbate it to be a big part of my success so far. This is really difficult because that’s been a massive part of your life. I’ve basically had to “kill” that part of me. If you’re single, go get a massage or something. Get used to feeling a woman’s touch even though that’s not intended to be sexual you might be pleasantly surprised how good it feels just to have touch in general. Train yourself and practice for what it is you want to improve, real life touch of another person. I’d rather my penis not respond at all to me touching it and respond like a rocket to a woman touching me, kissing me, etc.
Don’t give up success is unavoidable for everyone who is armed with the knowledge to change, and you’re locked and loaded my friend.
It was absolutely mandatory that my wife and I enter couples counseling with a sex therapist. I fought it kicking and screaming the whole way but it has honestly been the best thing for her, me, and our relationship. I still don’t like going lol. I go anyway, and usually leave either upset of the realizations that are bestowed upon me during the session or enlightened, or usually both.
I wouldn’t approach sex for 90 days. We didn’t, she understood. To be honest the sex was so lousy due to my ED and then self bullying post-failure that it was a breath of fresh air for both of us. We’re just now relearning, or more or less I personally am just now relearning what sex is actually like and all about. Porn abuse for 14 years straight has a way of misleading a guy about how sex is supposed to go down and where the focus is supposed to be… I had essentially no clue how to be intimate nor had any desire for it. Intimate in a relationship sort of way. I’ve been missing out BIG time.
I can tell you, if you guys follow through and get some help along the way. You guys will grow so much closer than what was once expected and from that bonding your sex life will benefit HUGELY. The skies the limit once you get through your reboot and the fun begins with the rewiring process but most of all you gain a partner to share all the intimate sides of life with. Sex with someone you’re intimate with emotionally isn’t only a physiologically pleasurable experience it can also be a healing one at that. Tons of benefits outside of just reaching the big O.