I’m 28. I have a girlfriend now, had one before, and I’ve had multiple hook ups and even some visits to a massage parlor/escort in the past (I’m not proud of that, but its valid info). My first many attempts at sex were met with failure, with an inability to either get an erection, keep it, and in many cases, orgasm when with a woman. When I watched porn, it worked.
My first girlfriend was very patient, and we had some success, but it was difficult more than it was successful, and I think that’s what helped drive us from each other. (Also, most of my adolescence was spent masturbating to porn, those were my first sexual experiences, so I was wired by porn)
I’ve gone to an escort/massage parlor and was unable to get it up or keep it up. The funny thing is, I’ve been able to get it to work well a few times, but there hasn’t been much a rhyme or reason. Sometimes even when not doing anything for days it still wouldn’t work.
Anyway, I’ve had sex with my girlfriend 3 times now, and I have been able to function wonderfully each time, and I think I cracked the code, at least for me:
1: No porn, or at least VERY, VERY reduced porn use. I have still watched some from time to time, but I haven’t used it regularly for years. Now days, if I have to masturbate, porn gets me aroused but I often end up reliving a real memory to finish.
2: Reduce the jerking off to about 1-3 times per week. I have found that completely quitting can make it worse. On the few times I’ve gone more than a week without jerking, all of sudden I would flat line, and it wouldn’t work at all. I think some masturbation is good to “keep the fires stoked,” as it were. If you can completely eliminate masturbating because you are getting it from a girlfriend regularly, then great.
3: YOU HAVE TO TRY TO HAVE SOME REAL SEXUAL EXPERIENCES. Yes, you will fail and probably embarrass yourself. But I have found that the more sex I have had, the more attempts, the less I care about porn and the more I actually think about real sex. Also, it supposedly helps to rewire the brain for the real deal.
4: If you think you are going to have sex soon, then give yourself at least 3 days of no orgasms. You’ll be saved up for when it happens. Do not masturbate the same day you’ll have sex, because for me, sometimes that caused my erection to not happen at all and sometimes even if I got one, I couldn’t get off.
5: Horny Goat weed and kegels! I swear, for some reason, doing both of these together made a noticeable difference. Even my first girlfriend noticed it. Before you dismiss Horny Goat Weed, do some reading. It’s proven to have a positive effect. It works like Viagra, but much slower and more gently. You have to take it long term. Kegels also help down there, as using that muscle can help push blood into the penis, and generally help with the control of erections and orgasms.
SUMMARY: It’s been a long fight, but I have recently finally been getting to where I can really have sex and its fun. I did my girlfriend the other night for about 20 minutes and she loved it, and then she had to finish me off with her hand (which she was ACTUALLY able to do). I have been able to keep pretty hard erections, get them to begin with, and get off, while also being able to please her as well.
Hope this helps someone.