I thought I would report on my progress since starting this journey in June 2016, with the hope it may be helpful for others. I am a 29-year-old UK male, PMOing since I was 15 years old. Over the years I had descended into material that would be revulsive to my loved ones, and often illegal. Never really made the connection between my “secret” life and my public life.
But have had cases of erectile dysfunction with attractive partners – both not getting hard and also failing to ejaculate. I currently have an amazing long term partner, who most men would kill to be with. The intercourse was good at first, but started to get a little boring 2+ years in. This year she has been pushing for more commitment from me – moving in with her and ultimately marriage and babies. I really struggled with this concept and decided to see what my decision would be like, without my brain being on porn…
I am an incredibly scientific/skeptical person and like to triangulate all information and consider the evidence. I initially struggled to find proper support or guidance on this matter. Most of the websites seemed to be religious in nature, using a weakness as a method for indoctrination. 10 step programmes seemed to always begin/finish with “finding Jesus” and were basically incompatible with my worldview. This is when I came across the NoFap Community and ultimately Your Brain on Porn. The material is scientific in nature and comes from peer reviewed research about how the brain works. The video that really sunk it in for me was this; How Internet Porn Affects the Brain. In particular, the role dopamine plays when searching, watching and masturbating. It basically explained the situation I was in, especially as sometimes I would spend whole evenings in, alone, “edging.” Anyone who needs convincing from a scientific standpoint, I would suggest watching it.
I knew there was a wide range of factors that influenced my habit and felt that instead of jumping in and going “cold turkey” I would monitor it and target reductions. I made a spreadsheet (yes I am a nerd) that allowed me to record PMO amount, material and triggers (being alone, boredom, alcohol, drugs, etc.), alongside actual sexual encounters with my partner. I have actually made a blank version of this available here, you just have to change the months, copy and paste future months. The graphs really started to cement the issue to me. My first month recording, I had intercourse with my partner 5 times and PMOed 30 times. Some of the material named was sickening to look back on in the cold light of day.
In July 2016 I took first steps at reduction. I tried to see how many days I could go between PMO and I forced myself to use more “acceptable” material. My main choice, which I think actually helped, I searched for “UK Facebook Girls” on Xhamster Photos, as these were images of normal (but hot) girls I would usually see out on a night on the town. I felt this made things more realistic. I also allowed myself to MO by just using my imagination, but fantasising over past actual sexual experiences, or with real “hot girls” around me; colleagues, friends, etc. I made a note of visual (V) or imagination (I) under “material”. I managed to half the PMO for the first month to 15 and double my sexual encounters to 10.
For August, I reviewed all the triggers from June/July to see what was leading me to PMO. I decided to cut out smoking weed, as I felt that I was only smoking it to enhance my PMO. I also started reading when going to bed, to reduce the likelihood of MOing before falling asleep. Alcohol was difficult, but when allowing myself to MO, I just used my imagination. I noticed by now my desire for more extreme material had receded. When PMO/MO I was actually imaging actual two-way intercourse, with me fantasising about pleasing a potential partner, not engaging some of the disgusting fantasies of the past. When I nearly went down the more extreme path I would just force myself to PMO quickly over more acceptable material and just get it out of the way. PMO/MO dropped to 8 and sexual intercourses went to 13 – this is the first month in my life I have had sex more times than I PMOed!
For September, I have set myself a target of allowing myself to PMO/MO at a ratio of my sexual intercourses. At the moment I am aiming for 1 PMO/MO for every 4 sexual intercourses. I currently meeting this target.
I feel like this whole journey has been an incredibly positive experience. I am unsure how related all these aspects are, but I can genuinely say I have found the following benefits;
- Much stronger, thicker and longer erections – for both PMO/MO and intercourse. My partner is loving it.
- Much more intense orgasms, for both PMO/MO and intercourse. Intercourse orgasms I am finding myself actually gurning from the intensity – like when you drop a shit load of mandy. Even PMO/MO I am coming away like pleased with the situation, as if my brain thinks I have just banged a load of hot UK Facebook Girls.
- More control over orgasms, I can either drag out the sexual intercourse, or just get it over with. Before doing this journey I sometimes could not orgasm at all.
- Increased motivation, possibly down to the quitting of weed, but positive nonetheless. This generally – staying in shape, going for evening walks, just generally doing stuff.
- Reduced social anxiety, just generally more sociable with friends and meeting new people. Been organising get togethers and up for visiting others.
- Greater sexual desire, both wanting my partner more and also finding greater numbers of females attractive in my daily life. This was females of my usual sexual preference, but also randomly others; older women, celebrities (went crazy over Khaleesi, in the final season of GoT, even though I’ve watched all of the other seasons long ago).
- Happiness with myself, I love not hiding a dark secret about myself. I am actually planning on trying LSD next week, something I have put off for years, as I never felt like was content with being more exposed to my thoughts.
I think the final and most positive result is that I have overcome my issues with commitment. Me and my partner have now started making long term plans. I move in with her in January and I am feeling really positive about this. I think that my brain genuinely thought it was banging all these porn girls prior to this journey, and didn’t see the need for commitment. I now have the desires of normal 29-year-old human being; yes, I like to check out other women, but I feel content about the prospect of starting a family.
Thanks for reading and I hope this is of use.