I got totally addicted to porn at some point between my teenage years and now (I’m 29), and recently this came to a head as I became hooked on webcam sex, a pursuit that is just as pitiful, yet far more time consuming than looking at regular porn (hours spent with cock in hand waiting for someone willing to get naked for you, looking at your own disgusting image in the same light that most of your fellow users do).
So around Christmas last year, I vowed to make a change. See, I’d met a girl, and I’m sure like many of you, this was something fairly unusual for me. Tall, blonde, beautiful, interesting, compassionate, intelligent and funny are just some of the many wonderful adjectives that you could use to describe her, and for the first time in so many years I was smitten. We got on well, but she was in a relationship which, whilst long lasting, was about to end. Cue 4 months of waiting.
It is one of my proudest achievements, knowing that I didn’t wank those months away. I had my target in sight. I knew we would one day be together, as long as I could keep it together and maintain my discipline and self control. I rented a new apartment. I got in shape. I spent my evenings socialising and my days excelling at my job. All of these things became possible with a bit of self control and a goal to aim for.
The months went by and things went exactly as I’d planned. We got together and I was happier than I’d been in years. My sex drive was through the roof (she commented on this on many occasions) and I’d never felt more confident. That was, until I made a fatal mistake.
She went on holiday a few weeks ago. Two weeks away. I made it through the first week, then told myself that I should probably find a way of relieving the tension, that now I had this girl in my life, I didn’t have the problem any more. And here, my friends, was where I found the proof of my addiction; the proof that I never should have been stupid enough to look for. Instantly I was back in, hours spent with my dick in my hand, tired, lethargic, and everything I didn’t want to me.
She came home a few days ago. Things aren’t the same. I can’t get out of the haze that I’ve allowed to engulf me. I couldn’t climax on our first night back together. I could barely stay awake on the second. Even when I speak to her, I feel as though my voice has lost something. It feels weaker, like the rest of me.
She left the house a while ago, and I have my hopes. I’m staying away from the internet after writing this, and I know that if I can channel my desires again, I can get back to where I was before. Hopefully it won’t take another 4 months.
So to you out there who question the power of nofap; to those who are seeking proof to the point where you are opening Pandora’s Box and unleashing your demons; to those who want to believe that they can transform themselves if they can only master themselves and their desires, I say:
Let me be your proof. Don’t question it. Don’t just dip a toe into the fountain of re-discovered vitality. Do it. Do it and don’t let it slip like I did. Then come on here and tell your story.
LINK – For those who needed proof…