It’s been a long time since I posted something on this forum. But this forum helped me a lot a few years ago to develop and express some thoughts about my addiction. The forum laid some of the groundwork, together with yourbrainonporn, and a special shoutout here to the yourbrainrebalanced radioshow.
But it was not enough for me to solve the problem. I watched not that much porn anymore, but I continued to struggle with the addiction and it still affected my life.
Now I feel that I have my addiction under control. It’s been about three weeks or so that I watched porn for the last time. I’ve had longer streaks, but that doesn’t really matter, I’ve stopped counting and I’m pretty confident that I won’t relapse soon. The thing that makes a difference for me now is that I feel in control. There are some urges now and then, but I feel capable of managing them. And if I might relapse somewhere in the future for some reason, I’ll know how to get back on track.
What helped me the most in the end was to find professional help. I went to my gp and asked for it. She listened to my story and I was sent to an organization that helped me out. I got about 12 sessions with a great therapist. He really took the time to understand my situation. Then he learned me to understand the underlying reasons for my addictions and gave me the tools to recover. I’m from the Netherlands and the health service is good and almost for free here. It might be different in other places of the world. My advice would be to search for professional help if you feel you have a problem and can’t deal with it alone. It took me a long time to make this step.
Also when I started my treatment I told some close friends about it. This wasn’t easy, but everyone reacted in a positive way, and I’m happy I did it. Friends are there for you and want you to get better. Now I can count on them, I can call them if I would be in a critical situation and they would help me out.
Then about tantra and feminism. They are a whole different kind of subject, much more personal and I’m not sure if it’s something that can help everyone in his or her personal situation regarding to porn. But they helped me a lot in understanding my own position in this world and the struggles I encountered.
Masculinity is a difficult thing to understand these days. At least for me it was. I never felt comfortable with masculinity, because it seemed disrespectful to women. I encountered PUA and Red Pill kind of stuff earlier on and tried to apply it in my interactions with women. But it didn’t work and even cost me my girlfriend back then.
But last summer I red The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida. It helped me a lot in understanding the dynamics between the feminine and the masculine in this world. I also started to learn about feminism and started to understand how the world’s view on what it takes to be a man or to be masculine is one of oppression. I discovered that my own masculinity was a much more brave one and attractive one as well.
When I understood and experienced all of this everything became much more balanced within myself, I became more confident and able to rely on my own feelings. Together with professional help this was what helped me becoming a happier person and to be able to recover from my addiction.
I’m not sure if this is for everyone, but I think my advice would be to search for your own path, what do you need to become a happier person? I feel so much more empowered. Not because I stopped watching porn, but because I became a much more balanced person. Porn doesn’t do it for me anymore. I hope my story helped.
LINK – How therapy, tantra and feminism helped me recover
INITIAL POST (40 months earlier)
My name on this forum is Tolove, because I strongly believe in the power of love. Sex (and definitely porn) is overrated. Love is underrated. Sex is a beautiful thing and important as part of our love-life, but without love, it’s worth nothing. This is the most important thing I’ve learned since really fighting porn since about a year now.
I am not a heavy user, but feel addicted or at least affected by my porn use. It affected my last relationship, something I really regret and never want to experience again.
I have been pornfree a lot this year, with some streaks of a month and a halve, but most of the time small cycles. I have felt so strong and at times I felt recovered. I use to feel quite “normal” soon in the rehabilitation. But in the end I started to watch again. I never hold on to it for good. I still feel like I’m very well capable to get rid of this habit. Though the temptations are high at this moment I now that I want to stop for good.
This is my first post on this forum. But I’ve read quite some. The posts of Underdog and Bigbookofpenis helped me a lot. By writing this blog I hope to install my new mindset and keep it.
Also I have some thoughts about the process that I want to share. Most will be about the relation between our porn sex-drive and normal sex-drive and how they influence each other. And those drives related to our search of love.
Hope this could inspire someone and most important I hope this will help me to quit forever.