Words cannot describe the joy I have experienced over the last few weeks after seeing a glimpse of the man I want to become. Refraining from all the worthless garbage has allowed me to become the man that I want to be. It has given me energy, confidence, courage, strength, motivation, and much more.
I literally feel like I could fly. Make no mistake, lust is absolutely poison and I intend to run as far from it as possible.
Last week I was at work and all of a sudden I just felt like I literally had super human strength. The sense of joy leaves me feeling energized and strengthened. Pornography, lust, masturbation, fantasizing, anger, anxiety, depression, etc.. had left me feeling drained and exhausted all the time.
Let us set the ultimate of standards for ourselves and become all that we can be. I will not stop at lust. I will improve every area of my life, because I know that I have a lot more things I need to work on. I have been working on fantasizing/escaping less and trying to retrain my brain to dig into the moment. For years I have pursued escapism and pleasure in ANY form I could find. From a young boy I sought to escape through drugs, alcohol, sex, music, pornography, TV, video games, and basically anything I could.
Instead of listening to music on the way to work I will just sit in silence and try to train my brain to be okay with silence and just being in the moment. I am really trying to cut back on music, video games, internet usage, and anything that will cause me to escape from reality. I still have a long way to go, but I have already noticed the effects of this behavior. Last night I was sitting in a circle with all my friends and I found that I was more aware of the conversation that was going on. I’m still far from perfect, but I noticed that I was participating more than normal and I even had some pretty funny things to say. This is very unusual for me as I normally would be zoning out on my phone or fantasizing.
Today I found myself idling through Instagram looking at pictures of girls I know and I thought to myself, ” I DON’T WANT TO BE THIS GUY. I DON’T WANT TO BE A GUY WHO STALKS GIRLS ON IG AND FANTASIZES ABOUT GIRLS ON SOCIAL MEDIA.” I refuse to be that guy. I might have to delete IG. I must be very careful not to fall into the trap of excessive idling on the internet. For me this has a somewhat similar effect of pornography minus the sexual aspect of course. It’s essentially just another for of escapism. The internet is very powerful and I must place strict limits on it.
I am totally stoked about the man I am becoming and it brings me tremendous joy to see myself making progress and becoming the person I want to be. Nothing in this life will be able to give us the joy that our self worth can. It doesn’t matter how far you have gone you can become a new man. Don’t let society fool you into buying into it’s lies that you are what you have done.
I am 29. I meet tons of girls at the dog park, church, climbing gym, and restaurants. The more I date the more I realize that there are TONS of girls out there and I don’t have to freak out if it doesn’t work out with one. I used to get so offended and upset if a girl didn’t like me back. Now I realize that I’m just not going to connect with some of them due to being in different places in life, maturity levels, intelligence levels, etc. I think I am going to concentrate my efforts in meeting someone in church though as those have the most potential for me. I am looking for a spiritual woman.
For me the sexual desire has just been greatly reduced to the point where it doesn’t dominate my thoughts. It’s still there but I am in control of it now. I can choose to let the beast out if I want to. The goal for me is to abstain from all sexual activity until I am married. I have been down the road of casual sex/hook ups and I am not interested in being that guy anymore. I don’t want to give myself away to girls that haven’t earned me. I have not met my future wife yet, but I am preparing myself for her now by becoming the best person that I can possibly be. When I meet her.. It’s going to be on. The sex is going to be amazing, and I will be able to tell her that I made a decision to wait for her and become the best man for her that I could. How lucky she will be to have a guy like me. That is so rare in the world we live in.