I’ve been doing NoFap for around a month and a half now. During that time, I’ve relapsed twice and learned how to avoid temptation with a far greater resolve than before. I’m 29 and suffered from serious PIED. There were two instances where I was with an incredibly attractive woman, and my body just had zero response
I was mortified, humiliated, and started to contemplate suicide as an “option”. That’s when I found this subreddit, for which I’m hugely grateful, and committed myself to changing the way I live my life.
I found success stories incredibly helpful motivation, so I figured I’d write up what I’ve experienced during this time.
- PIED. This is the biggest one. Thursday, I met up with a female friend (who incidentally, knows about this addiction of mine) and we had a few drinks. One thing led to another, and we wound up back at my place – and lo behold, my PIED is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, like, at all. We wound up hanging out until this morning (Saturday) and though there were a few times when we had sex that it wasn’t entirely smooth sailing, the difference between where I was a month ago and actually being able to have sex at all is profound. I was able to achieve an erection at many points, without any stimulation at all beyond kissing. I never thought I’d be able to do that again. I can’t describe how much this has lifted a huge dark cloud that’s hung over me for a large portion of my adult life.
- I’m in the best shape of my life. This isn’t a direct result of NoFap, but by trying to fill my days with constructive activities, I’ve been working out harder than I ever have in my life. Far more muscle definition than I’ve ever had.
- Likewise, I’ve filled my time with other hobbies – reading, writing and drawing. Reconnecting with these passions has reminded me of who I truly am as a person.
- Female attention. This isn’t why I did it (I wasn’t even aware of this supposed effect until starting NoFap) but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed the difference. I can only assume, that through doing this and controlling my addiction rather than letting it control me, I’ve found a new confidence in myself and that’s probably noticeable. I’ve even had women entirely out of my league tell me point-blank that they fancied me, something I haven’t experienced for a good long while.
- Better skin and clearer eyes. Removing those horrific sessions with my addiction that lasted hours at a time has had a remarkable impact on my health. I’m tired less, look a lot more alert and my skin is doing a lot better. Again, I put this down to the combined effect of all the changes I’m making in my life.
I honestly could go on. The difference this is making in my life is insane and not something I ever thought I’d be able to achieve. I’m about to turn 30 this year and honestly, I thought I was just done as a human being. The PIED really cemented that feeling.
Now? I genuinely can’t believe the guy I’m turning into. I wouldn’t say I’m all the way there by any stretch of the imagination, but there’s no doubt in my mind whatsoever that the changes are happening.
If you’re anything like me and you’re reading this, I promise you, you ARE making changes and there will be an end to this dark tunnel. And, more than that, you won’t believe what an undeniably awesome fucking guy you’ll be at the end of it.
UDPATE – My Journey (PIED Progress and Tips)
I’m 29 and I’ve suffered PIED for most of my adult life. I posted recently about this, and a few people asked me for advice so I thought I’d write up my situation and some advice in a bit more detail.
It was never a problem at college, but it became a problem immediately after that. I then met my long-term ex, and restrained from PMO and PIED went away for a few years – but as the relationship went long distance, the addiction came back with a vengeance. We broke up, I suffered PIED and a series of humiliating experiences with various women.
Since then I’ve committed myself over the last year or so to changing my life. NoFap has been addition to that change over the last 2 months – during which time I’ve relapsed twice, leading me on to my current streak of 18 days.
Last weekend I was actually able to have sex – It wasn’t complete smooth-sailing, but the difference was immense. PIED wasn’t anywhere close to as bad as it had been in the past. Don’t mistake me – I don’t view myself as cured by any stretch, but I do view myself as healing. My mind wasn’t elsewhere when I was with her – other than the occasional bit of slight self-doubt, but I soon managed to drift past that and again, focus on her and the situation. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt “present” during sex and I feel like that made an enormous difference.
There’s various things that I’ve found that helped, which I thought I’d share for anyone else who was stuck with dealing with this addiction. There’s a way out, but it requires an overhaul internally and externally of your self, correcting the erosive nature of this addiction. For some people, it’s just a minor issue they’d like greater control over – but for some, including myself, it’s an addiction and that’s the correct terminology for it. And like an addiction, it requires total rehabilitation that focuses on all aspects of your life.
Here’s the things that I’ve found useful so far;
- Exercise This is obvious, a lot of people mention it, but it’s worth repeating. As well as getting into better shape, exercise has a scientifically proven positive effect on our mood – in time, doubling up as we start to feel better about our bodies. I’m a slim guy and really, I just viewed it as being in competition with myself – every time I did a little bit better at an exercise than the last time, I counted that as a victory. In practical terms, I bought a chin-up bar, weights, some protein shakes and supplements. It all counts towards building a sense of discipline, building a workout into your daily routine.
- Meditation Another obvious one. I’ve found meditation has helped the ability to reign in wandering thoughts – in terms of temptation, but also just on a day to day basis. It’s drastically reduced my “fight or flight” response to a lot of situations. I’m by no means an expert, but it’s undeniably had a positive effect on my mental clarity. I started just by using the site “www.calm.com” and selecting 5, then 10, then 15 and then 20 minute guided sessions. Since then, I’ve read a lot about mediation techniques and Buddhism, finding my own path with it. I don’t think I truly understood what “being present” truly meant until I started meditation.
- Therapy I resisted it for years, because I had a bad experience with a therapist when I was younger – but it really is worth doing. It’s not even about mental health – but therapy can strengthen you as an individual and help you see what your issues truly are and where they stem from. That’s powerful information, and you may not know it as well as you think you do. It’s also interesting to note that porn addiction didn’t shock my therapist in the slightest – it’s becoming increasingly common that men turn to therapists about it. It’s worth addressing, and though talking on NoFap is good, it doesn’t replace having an open and honest conversation with a knowledgeable human being in the same room.
- Diet My diet was okay before, but I’ve really tried to keep an eye on it lately. Less snacks and chocolate – more nuts, seeds and yogurt. Eating a ton more vegetables and healthy things, without going obsessing over it particularly. Exercise, again, is a good motivator to keep an eye on what you’re eating, whether your goal is weight loss or building mass. But also generally, it’s just good to have a handle on what you’re putting into your body.
- Socializing If you were as severe as I was, it’s likely that this addiction drove you into an isolated existence without you really being aware of it happening. It took a break-up for me to see it, but I lived in a thriving city for years and barely knew anybody. Since then, I’ve made every effort to be there for other people – going to their gigs, making myself available – and eventually, those people reach out to you. A year after I realised this had happened, I went to great lengths to reconnect with the world and I promise you, it really does pay off.
- Activities This ties into the last one, but finding activities you love doing that get you out of your cave. For me this is going to museums, galleries, gigs, parties and poetry evenings. For you it could be anything. Try and find something that you’re passionate about and you’ll probably find you’ll meet others who share the same passion too.
- Creativity/Hobbies This could be anything, I guess, but you need to fill your time with something you enjoy doing. For me, this was writing, painting, drawing and learning an instrument. I’ve been trying to get to grips with the harmonica – I’m not saying I’m good, but it’s a fun instrument to mess around with. I’ve also been practicing my drawing skills – taking a few life drawing classes, which in turn was a good experience for taking the image of a nude model outside of a sexual context, constructing a better and less sordid view of women.
- Grooming Maybe you think it’s narcissistic, but making yourself look good makes you feel good about yourself, or at least it does with me. Other people notice when you take time on your hair, on what you’re wearing. It’s not a big one, but it’s helpful building a positive relationship with that guy in the mirror you’ve had such a low opinion of for so long.
- Cleaning Keep a clean room. Make your bed, everyday. Don’t let dust gather – use a fucking vacuum, it takes like, 15 minutes. Dishes barely take up anytime. Don’t live in filth, you’re better than that. The more places you extend discipline into your life, building a new healthier routine, the better rounded you’ll be.
- K9 Web Blocker It might seem like over-kill, and for a while I resisted, but after my last relapse I figured it just gave me that extra buffer room.
- Identify the steps of your addiction It’s not just a two step “Temptation > Relapse” – but there’s a whole pattern going on in your brain that leads you towards failing. The situation you’re in, the sense of laziness or anxiety or depression – the more steps you can identify, the earlier you can halt the process happening. Don’t give yourself the option of caving in.
- Use the internet less In fact, try to spend less time on your computer. If you ever find yourself idling in front of a screen, mindlessly scrolling through a site – do something else. You’re not doing anything right now but wasting time. You owe yourself better.
My journey isn’t over, but I can feel I’m getting better everyday. I’m committed to this more than ever, now I know that PIED won’t be a lasting issue, and I’m committed to building a better version of myself. People talk about “superpowers” but really, I think the people who see the most drastically positive results are the ones who were buried in addiction and then go on to make the effort of overhauling their entire life. Sure, I’ve noticed more female attention and have a great deal more confidence with people than ever before – but that’s not just because of NoFap. It’s at the core, but all the other components I listed above are crucial as well.
This addiction held you back from building yourself into the best version of yourself. Fight back, and show yourself how much stronger you can be.
A little under a year ago, after years of suffering PIED, I discovered this sub and started incorporating NoFap into my life. I went from flat-out being completely incapable of performing, to having a very active and healthy sex life in a matter of 4 or 5 months.
I had a number of partners, briefly had a girlfriend, and started to let slip how I’d managed to improve myself. Once or twice I struggled, after relapsing to PMO, and it started to make depressed again.
I’ve managed a few 1/2 week streaks since then – in that time, I’ve been with women and zero issues. Last week, my PIED was back in full force, because for the last week or so I’ve been relapsing like crazy.
I need to build this back into my life again. I think I enjoyed the benefits for so long that I forgot the hard work that went into achieving them. I’m not saying I’m back at square one – I can’t believe that – but I realise I’ve got a lot of work to commit myself again to doing this. My PIED might vanish faster this time, I don’t doubt that, but unless I combat and deal with the reasons I PMO then it’s just going to keep coming back.
I just relapsed, and I really need to fucking get my shit together and do this properly again. I feel like I’ve really disappointed myself.