I entered into a positive set of habits at the beginning of the year, nofap, a religiously attended body building routine, healthy diet 24/7, reduced drinking, the whole lot.
This set of habits, meant that I became more confident with women due to their change of attitude towards me, so making up for lost time, I realized I could get laid very easily when my physical appearance is optimal, and I’m in a happy social mood. My career started to take off… I felt a little bit like I was taking the Limitless NZT pill, and could see more moves down the chess game of life.
My pron addiction was gone, but I felt it was socially acceptable to sleep with new and hot women regularly… shit my friends encouraged and commended me on the matter. (Unlike watching pron) And for a long time, it seemed like I was living a great life. I took pride in my seduction techniques. Sometimes amazing myself, going for women I never would have dreamt of striking up a conversation with in my computer games and pron addiction days. I would take other less confident guys under my wing from work/friends/friends of friends… random guys I’ve met at the bar and approach women with them. We’d end the night going home with a girl in a short skirt and stilettos. In the earlier days I would post field reports on seduction forums.
I told myself that I could sustain this life style for many years, that the world was populated enough, that I’d never settle or have children…and that the player lifestyle was the way for me til death do I part… I saw the expectations for being a father figure to be unrewarding…a muggs game… a philosophical discussion for another day…
Anyway after a while it became routine, and I started to need it, and the women had to be new, exciting and of course more and more attractive, and I was able to sustain it at this level for a few months before I was in the same state that I was when I was addicted to pron.
I became desperate, and started to experience brain fog. I was more tired and less social at work.
I was blowing off social events with friends, to sit at home on the playstation/go to the gym(I never broke that habit), then get on Tinder/(Insert other fling type apps), with my perfectly crafted profile. And be going for a drink with a girl within 30-60 minutes. And for those that think it’s hard to get a date on Tinder, you’re simply not trying enough with the right chat and strat, or your gene pool for physical appearance isn’t on the right side of the attraction bell curve… to be brutally honest.
If she was keen to come out for a drink, the hard work was already done. When you’ve been on enough dates with the goal to get laid, you get very very good at escalation, everything is considered, from the location of the bar to go for a drink, to having a tidy apartment to invite her back to.
Unlike pron, a lot more relatively good habits are required to sustain a sex addiction. (Healthy, diet, gym, tidy apartment, etc etc). I actually learnt a lot of social knowledge and skill from it.
But the addiction got to it’s worst about 4 weeks ago, when I realised I had nothing to do all weekend, and I wasn’t being invited to as many social things. I drank a bottle of red wine by myself, over the best of 6 hours in a meditative state on the couch, thinking about my life and where it was heading, and it wasn’t looking good.
A week later, I met a girl at a friends party, who I had sort of crossed paths with a few times, but she blew me away with her friendly and happy attitude. I got to go on 3 dates with her in the past few weeks, and spent the evening kissing her tonight, and walked her back to her car as she had to get back home for work early. It’s been 3 weeks since I last got laid, and 2 since I last fapped. And 1 hour since I realised that I don’t want just another fling, I want something more meaningful.
We’re going to the movies tomorrow night, and I think we’re both looking forward to it.
I have got to stop sabotaging my own life, because there’s just so much positive stuff to be experienced when you don’t live vicariously to give your brain a short term good feeling.
Next time anything like a sex addiction happens, I’m just going to go seek help, I can recognize the symptoms early this time.
None of my friends know about this addiction, only the people reading this here. but I’m sure they’d suspected I’m depressed… or off colour in the last few months…
Anyway it feels great to put this in writing, it helps to clarify some valuable life lessons I’ve been learning the hard way.