My original goal was 90 days hard mode. No porn, no masturbating, no edging, I’m single: no orgasms! Eek! I’m basically a monk over here. I’ve made it 114 days.
There have been times where I encountered sexually enticing material unintentionally online or with a friend…. And found myself lingering there a bit too long… Even just moments after I realized what the article was about or what buzzfeed list was loading with erotic images. That’s what it has been about for me: looking at the world through glasses not clouded by an over-sexualized perspective.
Before no-fap it was an obsession. To accomplish abstinence I have had to pay attention to every thought I have: what is the motivation behind that thought? How did it make me feel? So often throughout this process I would trick myself into lingering in a fantasy…. Imagining a situation not overtly sexual, but one that still had sexual energy at its core. Or clicking on an article with sexual subject matter and diluting myself about the affect of the material on my abstinence goal. I would stop mid sentence or a few moments into a fantasy to ask myself: what are you doing? Are you thinking with and awakening that sexual part of your mind? Will this article, this thought, this fantasy, or even this activity help you continue to abstain, or will it make it more difficult to succeed?
To accomplish my goal I have had to abstain from using that part of my brain which is perhaps the sexual center. I am not advocating a sex starved life. But mine has been a life of over indulgence until now, and I am thirty. Nofap has assisted me in a very important game of catch up.
There is so much life for me to see and experience. With sex no longer a monstrous obsession filling up most of my world…. I have been able to discover purpose, meaning and peace. I’m loving my celibate self and I’m staying here for as long as I need to. I’ll stay until I’m sure that having sex with someone I love is the next way too continue my growth.
No matter what, a person exists with a sexual nature, or most do. I’ve chosen to not dwell in those sexual feelings and thoughts. Starting with my internal world I have been able to control my actions and succeed thus far! I will continue long into this wonderful journey of self discovery and true engagement in my life.
Thread: 114 hard mode and counting
BY – clarkkent84
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