I found you guys by simply stumbling on a Youtube video about fapping. I had formed the basic ideas about my addiction through personal observation. I had pretty much reached my wits end when I started googling around to break the cycle (if it even was real). It was great seeing that others had come across the same idea and had broken the yoke of fap.
I was very close to turning 30 and have been buffing my banana since I was 12. Turning 30 was very somber for me and I needed to make a change, so I decided to tackle my obsession with rubbing my one-eyed snake. I would love to sit down and detail the benefits I’ve seen so far, but that is not the topic of this post. I want to tell you how I got this far in the hopes of helping you achieve the same.
A mere 3 months ago I was a slave to the fap. Everything from the pump I got in my forearm to the ‘petit-mort’ that let me fall asleep was an integral part of my life. I flogged the dolphin every time I went to bed, once in the shower, and (if I could squeeze it in) once in the mid-afternoon. I had done this routinely for over 18 years so I thought it was impossible to stop.
Key to Success: Start Small.
On the 1st of December 2015, I decided that I would intentionally spend 3 days without rubbing one out. Those three days were excruciating. It was the worst when it got around to the parts of the day that were dedicated to my usual routine… But 3 days were 3 days, and I wanted to see if I could do it. I set an alarm for myself at 10:00PM to go off everyday and ring in a full 24hrs of chastity. Three of the longest days of my life eventually came to an end, and I felt great. I needed to celebrate!!!!
So I fapped.
Another One: Build on Your Success
I felt like shit after my session. The ‘petit-mort’ felt more like a ‘huge-ass-mort.’ I could feel my body throbbing and I was ashamed.
I wrote down in my phone how many days I had gone and the day I failed. Then I reset my alarm for 10:00pm and swore that I would double that number. The following 6 days were tough, but not as hard as the first three. I reached 6 days and I felt like a beast! I thought no one could stop me. I felt 10 feet tall and full of energy. Hell, I might have gone super saiyan if I tried… but I decided to push it even further. I wanted more days. Six days became seven and then eight. I was not going to look back. I though I had done it. I though I had conquered the need…
Another one: Make that decision
Needless to say, I was sorely mistaken. I felt like a complete loser. I was so ashamed to have achieved something over a span of 8 days and blow it all away (pun-intended) in a matter of seconds. I didn’t like that feeling. I didn’t like the bitter taste of failure. I decided internally, at that point, that I was done. I was done with the self-sabotage. I was done with the self-indulgence. I was done doing childish things. It was time to man up and conquer the animal within.
Another One: You will stumble
Making that decision internally was the difference between night and day. It felt like I had stepped from the shadows into the light. I had made a major paradigm change and it was serious.
On February 3rd 2016, after 54 days of NoFap, I gave in. I sacrificed my unborn children to the altar of porn. Strangely, I did not hate myself as I did before. I didn’t feel the ‘petit-mort.’ I didn’t sleep right away. Instead, I calmed down, and took responsibility for my decision. I decided to focus on the fact that 54 days were under my belt and that, from that point on, 90 days would be easy.
And they were.
On May 4, 2016, my alarm went of at 10:00PM and this time it read “No Fap – 90 Days – Done.”
This subreddit was awesome when I needed the motivation to keep going. It was great for techniques and ideas on staying away from the urges.
However, to me, it was a mere tool. It was a tool to achieve what I had set out to achieve. If it didn’t find it here, I would have done it somehow, someway. My point is that you gotta reach deep down and get it for yourself. You answer to one person so you need to find that motivation for yourself.
After about 20 days into my most recent stretch I realized that the true battle was the one for self-discipline. I realized that it had to be done and faced on your own. After about 40 days, I stopped needing to look for external support. After about 60 days, I forgot I was even in the challenge. So when 90 days rolled by, it was just another Wednesday night.
Am I done?
Not by a long shot. I’m still addicted to porn. I still watch a few minutes from time to time. I want to keep pushing until I forget about it like I forgot about fapping.
What has it led to?
Like many others have noted, noFap is a journey to something else. It is a journey to newer and better things. It is only a part of the over all process, not the whole thing.
I realized somewhere along the line that I have never really done anything for even 30 days straight by my own volition. Everything that was routine in my life was something I did begrudgingly. Going to the job, buying groceries, cleaning the apartment… these were all done with drone-like consistency.
NoFap made me realize that I can change that. I now have gone to the gym more consistently than ever before. I stopped eating fast food often. I cook for myself a lot. I am learning how to code. And the best bonus of them all — women. Yes, they look at me more now. And I meet their gaze with unwavering confidence… and all it took was 90 days.
Thanks brothers. I hope my small example can help you break away from your addiction.