90 days soft mode. 90 days without P. 90 days without fapping. I wasn’t going to spend years of my life fixing this. I needed to succeed first time. Life is too short. I made 56 days hard mode. Got back with ex so there was release on day 54, 56 and 57. I’m currently back in hard mode for 33 days.
This is the hardest thing I’ve done and it’s not over. I don’t feel fixed. I’ve made progress though. Real change takes perseverance.
I’m 30. I started M at 11 and P at 13. Did those most days until the last 6 years I have been in a relationship. I’ve never felt proud of myself. I’ve always knocked myself off to sleep. Couldn’t sustain my E while trying to apply condom and was always stressed during intimacy. Always focused on my performance and inadequacy. Never really enjoyed it. Lapsed back into P as and gave up as it was all too stressful.
My skin is lots better. I have been washing face twice day and exercising twice a week so can’t put down solely to this but my back had cleared up and face.
I can do strong eye contact for the first time I can remember. I couldn’t even hold eye contact for a second. Now I can hold it a while.
I feel more masculine, confident and proud. I have focused on my communication. Started martial arts and focus on enjoying life.
Passion and intimacy are real now, I can enjoy the moment, not rush towards O. A kiss can set me off. My sexual dysfunctions are not gone but improved. It’s a long term journey.
I feel I have achieved that but I still have crazy urges and still objectify women. I don’t think I properly flatlined. I’m hoping this is fixable and addiction related rather than an insane libido. I still look externally for validation. I’m in a relationship but my mind isn’t quite back in that mode, I still desire a lot of women I come across. Still not fully in control of the ship. I need to fix that for my relationship. I get deterred easily at work. Always need immediate gratification so I’m perhaps still not where I need to be dopamine wise.
This is a journey and to succeed, you need to want to help yourself. You need to be disciplined. Don’t edge. DON’T TOUCH YOUR COCK! You don’t do that shit now. Long term. I hope to never touch P again. It kills relationships. It makes you a lame single man. It emasculates you. It offers no benefit in life. Get out, get busy. Make you happy. Make yourself great. Long term I may M once to twice a week but until I’m fixed I’m going to avoid it. My next target is 120 days, and 60 then 90 days hard mode.
I want to know the real me, the real emotions. I’ve never known him. I started this shit too long. This addiction has been entrenched 19 years. 2 thirds of my life. It may take longer than 90 days, but I have hope I can be normal and I’ll give my best chance to see that.