Age 30s – Authentic and confident communication with women

I had been struggling with porn addiction for years, but had absolutely no idea how to go about stopping (I didn’t know about the behavioural link between P-M-O, I thought I just had to address the P and everything would be fine, except it was impossible).

A really good friend told me that he practiced Nofap when he was not with his girlfriend (except he called it Brahmacharya Practice which I had not heard of, turns out it means no PMO).Because we keep each other motivated and support each other (also abit of friendly competition!) I thought I would look into it.

THEN…at the start of the new year I came accross the Gary Wilson TED talk which changed everything for me. I was going to sign up for a month challenge, then at the last second, I opted for 90day hard-monk mode (it seemd crazy and scary to give myself that much of a challenge, but I thought, what the hell, lets do it properly!)

90 days later, I have learned so much about myself that I can say for a certainty that I am not the same person as I was at the start of the new year:

I now know quite intimatley about the feelings of fear and vulnerability that crackly gently around my heart, the feelings of anxiety that seem to numb and quietly choke at the throat, and the sadness that rises and falls like waves in the chest.

This is what I have gained from NoFap (sounds like a shitty deal right?) actually, no, its quite wonderful not to be running from my life and to be able to feel everything authentically. The PMO was just the easiest way to push down the feelings and to not to feel. Of course, all the good stuff also comes with all the uncomfortable feelings too (but you already knew that). Its a bundle package.

Yes, all the classic benefits of fully embracing NoFap have come about: I have authentic and confident communication with women (so many women are now electrifyingly fascinating to me because of this discipline) to the extent that I have asked my friends advice about how to let girls know kindly that they weren’t my type (its a new weird and funny problem to have in my life!)

The most difficult part of the 90day challenge? It was when I went on retreat to the mountains for 2 weeks where there was no electricity/internet/tv. It was a massive struggle emotionally (I felt kinda angry for no apparent reason) because my brain started screaming out for stimulation of somekind (it felt like there were a hundred baby chicks in my head wanting to be fed with the click click click click of a laptop). Being deprived of all technology (which I discovered for me is a watered-down-methadone version of PMO) revealed the level of general visual stimulation I was used to in my life. It was very instructional.

I hadn’t really thought about what I would do once I had reached my goal. I know in my bones that Porn is right off the cards for me, and I now find the thought of it distateful (this genuinely feels like re-aligning my ethics with my tastes as described in the reboot accounts). What is also weird, is the idea of Fapping feels like a big deal now that I have invested all this time to this personal challenge, so I am letting the 90 days slide into the unknown…

Thank you for all the support that you have and are giving, its a genuine privilige to have found such brave warriors and to be counted as one of them!

My question is, what next? (please, your advice is most welcome)

LINK – 90 Day Report: Emotional Rollercoaster (long post) 



by _Capuchin