I was told about this community over a year ago by a friend; about all the benefits both physically and mentally but although I read a little bit on the subject I didn’t seriously commit to Nofap. Fast forward to 3 months ago
I was between jobs, between gfs and aiming at a little self-improvement whilst I applied for employment. I started the challenge and plugged in to the community with regular visits here and serious reading on the subject – and boy I am so glad I did.
Today I am celebrating – 90 days and a new perspective on life, and I mean on life!! This has been a serious tectonic shift for me.
I am in my early thirties, let’s say semi successful, as in I have held down good jobs, made cash, spent cash, had a lot of girlfriends, FWBs and (thought) I was a pretty amiable and social person. Put it this way, my job often involves presentations and pitching to complete strangers, where first impressions matter. So I was more or less getting by well.
The problems in my life were that I was abusing myself through PMO and therefore not building any meaningful relationships. I was trying to get women and then get them to do random acts of xxxx. Sometimes I could control my PIED and enjoy myself to the max, sometimes I couldn’t and this hurt my self-esteem more than I knew. PMO addiction is often hand in hand with others and on reflection I know I was drinking too much and then blaming that drink addiction for the reason my dick didn’t work or the fact that I was out of shape. I wish I had known that masturbation was crippling my ability to maintain a regular gym routine, or, and this came as a shock, even enjoy the gym, which I do now! I guess if you haven’t got the juxtaposition of fapping, then going to the gym or any exercise for that matter, is pretty fucking exhilarating!
So now I have done 90 days, hardmode, no porn, no edging, and no masturbating. And I have had no wet dreams either btw. I am truly feeling happy for the first time in years.
What I have had in these 3 months is much more energy. Better routines. Jesus days are so much longer when you are not wasting hours watching porn and trying to get your dick hard enough to orgasm. Towards the end when the porn was not even exciting enough and I had to watch for a long time, I knew I was deep in trouble. Reading no fap I heard about snapping brain fog. I thought that this symptom, above all, was fake. How can masturbating cause brain fog? Well low and behold it surely does. I am now working and I am so much sharper in my thoughts, which gives me a cooler, calmer persona and I tackle tasks with security and confidence because I FEEL smarter. People pick up on this.
Many people talk about women coming on to them because of no fap. In these 90 days I have not been chasing women (hard mode) but I have noticed the girls I talk to, are much more attracted to me. Girls do notice me more but I add that no fap is not a magic wand that will have them seeking you out on looks alone. How I explain it is that no fap will eventually remove the ludicrous view that I had for so long; that women are objects for me to fuck, cum on and use. When this is gone from your eyes/mind and you talk to with women, they will intuitively know you hold some values and see you as a potential mating partner. During no fap I’ve had two girls through themselves at me, when I didn’t flirt at all. Before this challenge I would have taken them home and then struggled to get it up. Instead I’ve declined the advances and made friends with them. I felt, for certain reasons, that it was very important to complete 90days straight- I want a reboot – no more obsessive and intrusive fetishes, no more PIED and creating a much more disciplined lifestyles!
The 90 days are tough; there is no shying away from it. Good god flatlining was hell. Thinking sexual thoughts will never come back. And then on around day 45-60 I had mega horn!! That was even worse. After 75days I am once again sailing.
I still read the forum a lot. I am inspired by others who take this WAY of LIFE upon them. I envy my friends who are not crippled by this addiction. I can see the ones that are stuck in a cycle of fapping and the ones that are not. I am glad to have joined the other side, the no fap army. I read the forum daily in the first 30 days, and then gradually less. Bravo to all those who contributor and support each other. We all struggling but at least we do it with humour and genuine good will.
I have used the extra time, created by no fap to good benefit – this is very also a very important aspect of no fap. I read much more now. I go to the gym as regularly as I can (4 times a week is enough for me). I seek knowledge through podcasts or documentaries. I may even begin writing that script I wanted to now I have the time and the ability to be emotional and connected to the real world instead of shallow and lustful. To be cheesy, once you unshackle the biggest drain from your life, the possibilities are endless. That’s how I feel after 90 short days (haha they ain’t short anymore)
On a serious note I want everyone to be aware that breaking the fap cycle opens you up to your emotions. Wow – this is what real people experience, day in and day out. My case was all too common. In the dark days of drinking and extreme fapping, when I hadn’t heard about no fap, I got so low I thought I had no friends and that no-one who would miss me if I didn’t exist. And let me tell you this, at the time I had a FWB and hundreds of pals. Yet I still thought that lowly of myself that I was convinced if I jumped off a building that no-one would care. I didn’t know why I felt this way. I was working and earning good cash but my brain was a mess. I was so disappointed that my brain was a mess and my emotions out of control that I felt weak and this made me hate myself more. I didn’t understand anything. What I know now is that I saw all the relationships with friends and family as useless because it didn’t give me a massive dopamine rush that fapping did. I didn’t notice how many friends and love ones I had. I got close to the edge let’s just say that and this, and it’s hard to write about, is why I am so lucky I did have friends. One guy realised what I was like, without us diagnosing why. We blamed booze and so I cut that out and it took me down from the edge. But now, a few years later and 90 days in to no fap I can honestly say I have never felt better – mentally and emotionally. I love it. Now I also know the real driver of my despair was no fap.
Now I am loving life I can’t wait to meet a girl and fall in love. Proper love based on everything, not just looks and whether they will do debauch sex shit. The amount of average sex I’ve had with girls (ok sometimes it was awesome) because I thought that I had to chase numbers to boost my self-esteem is appalling. Well this was the wrong strategy. Breaking hearts and wasting my time. Not contributing to anyone’s happiness, just seeking my own sexual satisfaction, which became harder to obtain as I got further in to the depths of self-pleasuring. That is why no matter how many days I achieve in no fap I won’t give up and if I fail I will re-start because I want the rest of my life to mean something, to be a real experience and not some fake fabrication that porn, mtv, Instagram and all the sexed up media tell me it should be. And that means a serious relationship, with a serious partner.
Now I have done 90 days and I am a better adjusted human, I may find myself sleeping with a girl and I heard that this can be a trigger. Once you get back on the saddle of sex they say that you can’t resist watching porn and trying to recapture the feeling. So while you may congratulate me for 90days, please also wish me luck for the rest of my life and facing challenges like possible post-sex relapse or watching the ring-card girls of the ufc too closely. I am very happy to have my morning wood back (I thought it was gone for good) but I am definitely not going to play with it. I prefer to get up, face the day and enjoy my life. There is nothing quite like it.
Well done to everyone else participating and to the newbies – don’t do this for instant gratification of girls, confidence and/or a new job, do this because believe me it will make you feel like a real man – confident, fun, intelligent and happy with yourself. All the rest will come as and when it does, when you show the world naturally how happy you are! Best of luck everyone.
LINK – Cheersnofap – 90 day recap