I’m 31. Benefits include increased confidence, harder erections, decreased anxiety, better sleep, stronger self discipline. I’m really proud of myself. I just wish I felt like I could tell my friends what I have achieved.
The impetus for starting nofap this time is documented in my post yesterday on cam girls. [Copied here]
88 days ago I was deep into pornhub live. I had been using it for about a month and weirdly been okay letting money gush out of my bank account. I tried to set daily limits on the amount I could spend but even £25 a day is a lot. And of course as we all know with porn, its a deadly spiral, soon I wasn’t happy with group chat, I wanted private shows. So I was easily persuaded by a cute asian to pay for private show. I knew it was seedy, she was in a tiny room with no audio.
At the back of my mind I knew this was probably becuase she was in some kind of battery porn farm set up, but I was horny, and I was paying her good money, to help her – this is how I justified it to myself. So she performed, I did the deed, closed down the window, cleaned up. Then I thought, well I’ve still got 5 minutes on her clock, lets go again.
I reopened the window, and there she was get dressed like any normal human being, a normal human, she wasn’t staring lustily down the webcam lens anymore telling me what a big boy I was, she was looking kinda lonely and kinda depressed.
What a transition when you’re looking from the other side of orgasm. The next couple of days I browsed the cams a couple of times, a couple of times I clicked on her cam, and she was ready to preform she remembered me and was ready for her John.
I don’t want to be a John. I couldn’t shake it. I guess I saw that bottom coming up at me. That feeling is still with me, its my darkest moment and this is the first time I’ve shared it with anyone. Until now.
But generally I wanted ED out of my life and to start having a healthier and genuine intimate attitude to sex and women. I was sick of having to fantasise during sex in order to cum.
The best advice I can give you in regards to constant relapsing is be reflective always. It’s seems simple but every time you find yourself rationalising, just steal 30 seconds to get up off the sofa, walk into another room, change the tv channel, make yourself a drink and just remind yourself why you’re doing this. Tell yourself you’re just going to think about something else for a minute and see how you feel and if you still feel like fapping is the best thing to do you’ll do it. I swear once you’ve interrupted that habit for just a minute and reflected, you won’t feel like fapping.
I haven’t tested [my PIED] so I can’t really say for sure. But on the occasions that I do get an erection they’re definitely way harder. We’ll see but I am confident, I don’t have so much anxiety relating to the prospect of having sex with a real person that I did before. I’m no longer scared that I won’t be able to perform. I’ll get back to you all when I’ve tested it.
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