A 120 day reboot story with lessons learned. I’m not usually one for sharing on the internet but seeing as it was stories of success that gave me the confidence to start I’d like to return to favour. Especially for those reading who see some of their own story in mine.
I’m 31 years old and I’ve been experiencing ED since I first became sexual at the age of 21. Porn was with me since the age of 16 and I always had a good enough imagination for when the porn wasn’t around.
I had tried to get over ED by a number of means before: Viagra/cialis from doctors. Therapists (though not sexologists), reading books, etc.. but nothing really worked. The idea of the reboot came up through a very frustrated internet search as a girl I kind of liked got on a plane to leave the country. It sounded promising and devoid of any money it was about the only option I had left.
I made plans to meet up with this girl in 90 days and went about not watching porn or touching myself. The first weeks were hard but the potential pay-off meant I was never seriously tempted. My libido jumped a bit and very soft core stuff when I came across it got me overly excited. I can’t chart for you the ups and downs of that first month or two but I did become mentally sharper and I don’t think that was a placebo.
About 60 days into the experiment I got a handjob from a girl. I was worried as usual about how I’d explain myself if I started going soft. But I shouldn’t have worried. It was so intense. I was harder than I’d ever been before, and I was so god damn sensitive that I didn’t last for long. I had the biggest smile on my face that evening. That phrase “doesn’t matter had sex” really hit home. I could have been hit by a car at that moment and I would have been laughing all the way to the hospital.
Fast forward to day 90 and I meet this girl. And we’re drinking a lot because we’re kind of nervous. And when we finally get down to it I’m not really hard enough for a condom. I tried to not be disappointed, but you know I didn’t feel great. We went to sleep and the next morning I woke up getting a hand job. The alcohol must have been out of my system because I was back to 100% hardness and so sensitive. We tried with a condom and even that worked, to a degree. I was at about 80% but I couldn’t finish. I think it would take a couple more tries to get somewhere with that.
The rest of the weekend hanging out. I started getting spontaneously hard just holding her hand or brushing off her. It was like being a teenager again! I couldn’t believe it. FIXED. In bed it was just always on call, no worries. I was on cloud nine.
When I flew back home over the next month I saw girls in a whole new light. I was like a second puberty. Attraction was always very intellectual for me. Not when I got back, it was raw and thoughtless. And girls were responding very well. a smile or a nice pair of eyes just drove me wild. And seeing myself as capable of following through on the flirting I was doing changed the whole nature of it. It wasn’t just some game any more. I felt intensely alive.
During this time now that the 90 days were up I decided to go back to masturbating again, seeing as I wouldn’t see this girl for another month. After a couple weeks of this I noticed mental fogginess grew and that I started to get a bit lax with other things I had given up too like cigarettes and overindulging. This could all be coincidental but I decided to go back to hard mode.
On day 120 I travelled back to the girl. Excited by the prospect. But things were not as good. I was not as responsive to her touch and I became a little bit worried. Handjobs were still okay though not as explosive. Snuggling was not bringing me to full hardness as it had last time and when I put on the condom I was only getting to 60% this time, eventually loosing hardness altogether.
Old fears came back and as I left this time it was with a different air. I am back to hard mode now. I realise that to get past ED I will have to put my days of using my hand behinds me, perhaps forever, at least till I’ve achieved full comfort and confidence. The basic tenant of this program, reassociating sexual excitement with being around real live women, means that just leaving porn behind wont be enough.
I don’t mind though, The mental clarity that comes from abstaining makes up for it. And more than that to finally have a way out, to finally have control, is like coming out of a long dark tunnel. I am so glad I found this reboot idea. If I could go back in time and tell my younger self one thing it would be to try this thing. To anyone out there who is on the fence about trying. Please do. It is something else, I promise you.
LINK – 31 yo putting PIED behind me