I’m currently on a 70 day streak of no PMO, but have been clean since April minus some bumps in the road.
Anyway, I have been living in a foreign country for the past year, and have not see my family, but went home for xmas. Before I left the states, I was a full fledged addict. For instance, I would not spend time with my family because I was in my isolating myself in my room. Or even if I wasn’t jacking off, I would be thinking about and would be anxious, or after I jacked off, my mind would be super cloudy and I would be anxious and feel guilty from my previous deeds. So instead of wanting to spend time with family, I wanted to spend as much time as I could jacking off, or my mind would be thinking about it 24/7.
Changes now, I spend more time, as much as actually as I can, with family. If I need something out of my room, I get it, and then leave. I don’t want to fall back into that trap. I appreciate the time with family as much as possible now. I also am able to think clearer around them, and I don’t feel so awkward. It’s like they know, and I know that I was looking at some Japanese anime porn, and it sticks out in seen or unseen ways.
I guess to sum things up, I feel more level headed, and I’m apart of the family now. I’m not isolating myself in my room jacking off for hours and feeling anxious because I want to jack off. Anyway, the struggle is hard, but the results are really worth it.
Happy New Year and keep up the good work.
LINK – Appreciating things more
I decided to make a post, as another pat on the back, and to fight some urges.
Short synopsis of my story-starting jacking off to porn around the 8th grade. Continued to age 32. Major problems with social anxiety, nervousness, grogginess, and moody as shit. There was a time when I had a good terabyte of porn. I would even go to Best Buy and buy an external hard drive because I was in so deep.
Around this time last year, I decided I have had enough. I also realized that with all of my jacking off, I was single. The only thing I had to show for it, was a smaller bank account because I was into some wicked shit and had to go to pay sites to go get it. I also had major ED. I couldn’t keep it up with any chick. Impossible. This one girl even asked me why it was so hard for me to get off. I knew the answer.
Did I stumble and fall during this process, yes. I believe everyone does. But whenever I did relapse, I felt dirty inside. Like the voice inside of me saying this is horrible and wrong just grew stronger. Also, whenever I was jacking off to porn, I always had an internal struggle of whether this was right or wrong. I don’t have that any more. Of course who doesn’t want to orgasm, but it doesn’t end there for porn addicts. You get more and more extreme as time passes on.
Finally, the struggle is worth it. I interact better with people. I smile more, and I also don’t have a secret shame to whatever I was doing. I don’t view women as pieces of meat that I undress constantly because I was looking at porn for 12 hours straight only stopping to eat.
Keep up the good work.